thinking I should run from this..

[mndln]

OK so I've posted before about his financial past. Well, he assures me everything will be ok and it may be after years of re-payments.. BUT here's the long part ..
********He lived with his EX prior to moving in with me (strange I know) but he said it was for the benefit of their children- He went from his EX being around to do everything one day to ME the next day.I mean everything- from school to after school activities to everything (by the way I work full time too)
********His EX continues to push him around on everything and attempts to control my household. He admits to this.
********I believe in my heart his children have a general dislike for me- and why not they went from mom and dad one day to ME
********His children's bad behavior is rubbing off on my children (lying, hiding things, etc.)
Now, don't get me wrong, he's soo sweet and is a good person and I do love him. BUT I don't know if I can sign up for a lifetime of this crap. Does it ever end/ get better?

[Trixareforkids]

No, probably not. Sorry, but my BFF is going through something similar, without the debt, but other financial issues. I told her not to get married until they worked out the financial issues but she's older, in love and they have history, he was her fiance 20+ years ago, so she did BUT the financial and kid issues are an uphill battle one that I'm not sure will ever be resolved.

Maybe if he were to have his own place and take care of the kids on his own for a while he'd get a better understanding and appreciation but he sounds like my dad and my dad didn't wake up until my step-mother left and he had to do it all himself, still took him 3-4 years to stop blaming everything on my step-mom and own up to his own issues and start attempting to handle them.

His ex is his ex for a reason and some of those reasons may be the exact things your seeing/dealing with now. He's obviously a decent guy or his ex wouldn't have let him stay there, but...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think you have to ask yourself some questions.

Firstly, the financial side seems to really bother you immensely. Money is money BUT, you suggest he works by saying " I work full time too" and that he is lazy so do you believe he has no passion in life? Just wonders around, living day to day, perhaps got sick of being pushed around by the ex, you then came along and she knows he just wanted space so continues to dictate. Meanwhile you feel used?

Secondly, if you are not happy and refer to it as crap, are engaged simple, you just don't go further, don't get married.

Thirdly, consider your finances verses his debts what you have/are paying out at present verses his, is there a situation where you seem to spend more? Is he actually clearing any of these debts? Does he also have to pay I assume he does, monies to the ex for the children?

It seems to me he just lives day by day, has no responsibilities in life or doesn't believe in them and is quite happy for someone else to take full control.

I can't see anyone being happy with that unless they are of the same kettle of fish.

Guard your finances as well in the meantime whilst you work through this mentally and emotionally.

[Little]

No, it doesn't get better. If anything, it gets worse because you are committed and obviously willing to stick around. He will pick up on this too and backslide.

Issues don't diminish with time and proximity - they multiply exponentially. The kids won't disappear when they become adults - if anything, their adulthood will make them worse. And if they are acting troublesome as adults, the ex will stay in your lives indefinitely.

[mndln]

Thanks for all the input. But please let me clarify.. I am not some money grubbing B or anything. I have just worked extremely hard to be where I'm at financially. There's just resentment building- because I feel as if I am having to deal with his and his ex- wife's bad decisions.
The other things.. the children live with us- and he agreed to NO child support (another example of her running things) AND he was the one letting her live with him after their divorce (due to the fact she is unwilling to work and she's controlling).
So that's where I am, I just don't know if I can deal with this forever...and I'm unsure if I can forget his past

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Why did you go out with him? What attracted you to him? Do you still feel that attraction?

Sweet, sometimes we just choose someone we think is right for us and as time goes by, we realise that they aren't.

You have worked hard for your money and we think in love, we give right? But, if we feel used or it's expected the next thing you know it's all gone and then there is resentment and then, the end of that relationship.

You don't have money, it's gone. See what he does from there. You don't enter a relationship and support everyone for ever.

Why is he not paying for his kids? They are his, he has to work this out and not bring it all onto you.

Your money is gone, tell him.. Or what you are now earning, you have a large bill to pay and can't contribute for a month at all.

See what he says and does.