Hi everyone. I guess I need to start from the beginning...my husband and I have been together since I was 14, we met in 9th grade. Half my life, he was my first and I his. We grew up on very opposite sides of the fences, me poor in the pjs with no family structure, him from an affluent and wealthy family. Not to mention we are interracial. We were faced with adversity from the start. His family hated me and needless to say didnt appapprove, but now love me and I love them. Ok, now he had a gf, when we met (at 14), who he broke up with for me. She and I had a few rounds of nasty fights over him. Now this was 15 years ago, but it is significant. When I was 16, my unstable mother moved us suddenly 400 miles away. He and I maintained a long distance relationship for a year and he just let me go. Stopped calling, writing, everything. I was crushed. I was 17, in a place I knew nothing about, my home situation was horrifying at the time and he broke up with me without telling me. I did get over it a year later. I eventually met the rebound guy who treated me awful and beat the crap out of me.
One day I contacted my now husband and told him what I was going through and he arranged for me to come visit him. I went and never came back. After a year we were pregnant and married during the pregnancy. The next pregnant again. I found while 8 months pregnant with our second child ( by his grandmother) that he was in fact in a relationship with the ex from high school while i was away and we were distanced. I was cool with it because it was in the past and he married me. But the kicker was that she was currently visiting his grandmothers home seeking after him. His grandmother was forced to tell her she was not welcome. His grandmother, not him.
Years went by just fine with no problems. We had a third child. 6 years into the marriage we are doing considerably well for our young age. This is when I noticed a change in him. He became selfish in jbed, with money, his time, his love, his everything. He became a shell of a man that was cold and mean.
I had a gut feeling. For the first time, I started checking his cell logs, texts, vms, and emails. All the while having heart to hearts with him to solve the issue, doing the 'spice up your marriage' bid, and begging for counseling to no avail. I became obsessed with stalking him, then one day I found what I was looking for. Social media messages between him and the ex...pictures being sent, plans to meet, deep detailed convos. I knew it. I confronted him and he swears I took it wrong and they are just friends. He convinced me that im jealous and have nothing to worry about. I forgave him but to this day he has not removed her from his friends. We have a great home life and a stable environment for our kids so I stayed. He stopped talking to her (so I thought).
6 months later.....guess what. Found a pic of her in his cell. She sent him a pic for his birthday. After yet another argument, he promised to change his number (which he did) and vowed she would never get it.
And guess what....5 months after the number change I started seeing a strange number in his logs based around the times hes at work. On top of that his coworker confused me for another woman once when I called. I eventually blocked my number and called the strange number and lo and behold. ....her again. I questioned my husband for 4 months ( without pulling my evidence) to see if he would be honest, he lied and lied until I couldn't take it anymore and smacked him with his call and text print outs highlighting her phone number multiple times. Up 87 times in one week! He was busted red handed and had to confess.
Yet again folks, he insisted they are only friends and he only hid the friendship because of mine and her bad history. Being young, I retaliated in the worst way- I cheated to get back at him. It backfired miserably. He carried on the relationship with her openly at that point....which drove me further away and I fell in love with the other guy.
After months of living together during all this and constantly arguing, we decided to give the marriage one more go. We agreed to cut of the outside relationships and focus on us. I did just that. Im an open book and havent given him a reason to distrust me since. I totally committed to making it work. Thats what I thought we were doing......until I found hes contacted her for her birthday this year and the same number is showing up in his text and call logs. He doesn't know I know this info. And silly me he wants another baby. As of yesterday he has changed all his phone codes, passwords, and even has extra security on his cell that seems to be geared towards keeping me out of his logs. I know its her again. Should I be suspicious?
Any advice?
One day I contacted my now husband and told him what I was going through and he arranged for me to come visit him. I went and never came back. After a year we were pregnant and married during the pregnancy. The next pregnant again. I found while 8 months pregnant with our second child ( by his grandmother) that he was in fact in a relationship with the ex from high school while i was away and we were distanced. I was cool with it because it was in the past and he married me. But the kicker was that she was currently visiting his grandmothers home seeking after him. His grandmother was forced to tell her she was not welcome. His grandmother, not him.
Years went by just fine with no problems. We had a third child. 6 years into the marriage we are doing considerably well for our young age. This is when I noticed a change in him. He became selfish in jbed, with money, his time, his love, his everything. He became a shell of a man that was cold and mean.
I had a gut feeling. For the first time, I started checking his cell logs, texts, vms, and emails. All the while having heart to hearts with him to solve the issue, doing the 'spice up your marriage' bid, and begging for counseling to no avail. I became obsessed with stalking him, then one day I found what I was looking for. Social media messages between him and the ex...pictures being sent, plans to meet, deep detailed convos. I knew it. I confronted him and he swears I took it wrong and they are just friends. He convinced me that im jealous and have nothing to worry about. I forgave him but to this day he has not removed her from his friends. We have a great home life and a stable environment for our kids so I stayed. He stopped talking to her (so I thought).
6 months later.....guess what. Found a pic of her in his cell. She sent him a pic for his birthday. After yet another argument, he promised to change his number (which he did) and vowed she would never get it.
And guess what....5 months after the number change I started seeing a strange number in his logs based around the times hes at work. On top of that his coworker confused me for another woman once when I called. I eventually blocked my number and called the strange number and lo and behold. ....her again. I questioned my husband for 4 months ( without pulling my evidence) to see if he would be honest, he lied and lied until I couldn't take it anymore and smacked him with his call and text print outs highlighting her phone number multiple times. Up 87 times in one week! He was busted red handed and had to confess.
Yet again folks, he insisted they are only friends and he only hid the friendship because of mine and her bad history. Being young, I retaliated in the worst way- I cheated to get back at him. It backfired miserably. He carried on the relationship with her openly at that point....which drove me further away and I fell in love with the other guy.
After months of living together during all this and constantly arguing, we decided to give the marriage one more go. We agreed to cut of the outside relationships and focus on us. I did just that. Im an open book and havent given him a reason to distrust me since. I totally committed to making it work. Thats what I thought we were doing......until I found hes contacted her for her birthday this year and the same number is showing up in his text and call logs. He doesn't know I know this info. And silly me he wants another baby. As of yesterday he has changed all his phone codes, passwords, and even has extra security on his cell that seems to be geared towards keeping me out of his logs. I know its her again. Should I be suspicious?
Any advice?
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