[Fallen1]

She did give me valid reason for suspicion 15 years ago - before we got married. She left home one day with a certain hair style - went to school and when she got back home later that day, her hair style was in a pony tail which I found to be a little odd. On top of that, she never gave me a chance to touch her or have conversation - she immediately went into the bedroom and and then into the bath tub. All that was odd to me because we would usually greet and talk for a while before she settled in.

Call me insecure but, I decided to check her underwear. They were not where I would expect them to be (on top of the laundry) but, they were on the bottom of the laundry bag.

I confronted her, we fought and I left her. We eventually got back together but, I guess I never forgot about that and some other things that she lied about many years ago.

Guess I have to learn how to trust again - it's not easy.

Well in light of this I don't blame you at all, I would also be suspicious myself. I guess I would have to say just keep your eyes/ears open, as I said IF something is going on it will eventually surface.

I sure hope all your suspicion is for nothing.

[Dragonfly]

You really can't have a relationship without trust. I have trust issues myself. Communication is the key factor. If she has a problem with communicating - you should tell her that you can't live in deception. Tell her to be honest. If I were you I wouldn't want to live everyday with checking my spouses underwear and vice versa: having him check my underwear everytime I came home. I would find that very creepy.

[rcoreyus]

I that that when you find yourself checking up on your spouse, you already have a serious problem. Eventually you will find something that makes you think she is having an affair, even if she isn't. If you can talk to her, do. If she will go to counseling, try that. If not, I think you either need to be willing to accept that you will never know for sure, or you need to leave her.

A few years ago, there was a young woman in another state who kept leaving me messages to call her on my home phone. They sounded distraught and emotional. That state was somewhere I visited often to see my parents. Looked suspicious as all hell.

But - turns out she was a nurse at my father's retirement home and was about to be sacked because of something she had said to my father, and wanted me to help plead her case. Details are boring, but I believed she was completely innocent but it took a lot of phone calls to convince her management. Think how that would look to someone suspicious.

[commonsense]

is she cheating

She doesnt have a yeast infection. the swelling and tenderness was gone the next morning. If it had still been there, my suspicions would not have been aroused.

Is it normal for the swelling and tenderness to come and go? This happened a week ago and she is on her period right now. Fallen1 did say that it could happen around that time of month but tell me, would it come and go like that or be constant?

If the tenderness were constant for while, i could understand. I have been trying to convice myself to believe that maybe it's just a coincidence that she was out late that night and the swelling and tenderness was there because of some female reason (other than a yeast infection - would not come and go if so) that normally occurs.


No, I do not tell her how much I love her enough. I am going to start doing that more. In the mean time, I need to know if she is cheating.

She may be cheating and she may not. One late night and swollen vagina is not enough to be absolutely sure she is cheating. You should give her the benefit of the doubt.
I also agree that you can't come home and just expect her to turn on love like that. We do like to feel loved and appreciated. The more the loved the more we are interested. If a women has a yeast infection it's highly unlikely she will feel immediately back to normal i.e next day. Usually tenderness is about a few days before the cycle and may hurt during intercourse. If she is unhappy with the relationship, you won't have to guess. It will come out on it's on. In the meantime, just focus on making things better.

[aceshaw]

She did give me valid reason for suspicion 15 years ago - before we got married. She left home one day with a certain hair style - went to school and when she got back home later that day, her hair style was in a pony tail which I found to be a little odd. On top of that, she never gave me a chance to touch her or have conversation - she immediately went into the bedroom and and then into the bath tub. All that was odd to me because we would usually greet and talk for a while before she settled in.

Call me insecure but, I decided to check her underwear. They were not where I would expect them to be (on top of the laundry) but, they were on the bottom of the laundry bag.

I confronted her, we fought and I left her. We eventually got back together but, I guess I never forgot about that and some other things that she lied about many years ago.

Guess I have to learn how to trust again - it's not easy.

Interesting post I stumbled on. Are you guys still together?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hey Aussie, Ace The OP started this in 2007, and hasn't returned, we look forward to your threads and posts...

Closing this thread therefore.

CW