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  • Help! Advice or opinions

    My fiancé and i have been together for almost 3 years
    Everything started out great, we got pregnant and at about 3 months pregnant he stopped having sex with me, kissing me or anything. I got worried asked if there was someone else he admitted it was weird because i was pregnant. Understandable.
    He is a very tempered man if things don't go the way he wants I feel it. When I went into labor he got mad and started cussing because he was tired and it was 11 pm. I felt like walking on eggshells to even tell him I needed to go to the hospital. She was born and from that moment on until 4 months old he did not get up with her... One single time. He would come home play xbox and not have a care in the world. If she cried I got her. If she popped I changed her. We both work the same kind of job store managers in retail. I begged and pleaded for his help. When I tell him I am upset he get mad and some how it's my fault. During this time he still wouldn't have sex with me or kiss me we fought constantly he was very demanding things go his way such as "your not washing the bottles right" "don't turn the air below 72" I felt constantly stressed to have even the smallest things the way he wanted them to avoid being told "I was doing it wrong"
    I found out he was watching porn. I had to BEG for kisses let alone get intimate but yet he wanted to look at other girls? My self esteem was crushed.
    He promised he wouldn't do it anymore we had sex like twice and then again it all stopped. It turned into he was stressed and 10 other excuses.
    At 3 months old he proposed I was shocked. We fought all the time no intimacy. I said yes because he asked me infront of my entire family on Christmas... I have sense given the ring back after the last encounter that you will read below.
    At 6 months old of age of our daughter I returned to my normal body size... Started working out. I'm 5'8 and 123 lbs. Abs and all I thought that would help.
    Our daughter is now 10 months old
    I have caught him watching porn 2 more times and it's the constant battle of him neglecting our relationship but yet wanting to look at other girls and him lying about it.
    I have even found videos of him and his ex being intimate and it makes me wonder what is wrong with me that he won't even have sex with me but he wanted to record theirs!?
    Him watching porn would be no problem to me if we had intimacy. He won't even make out with me unless he has gum in his mouth. He has given me every excuse as to why we aren't Intimate but he can watch porn such as, emotional abuse as a child, stress, work, but my thought is if he has the energy to look up porn he can have the energy to make love to me. He is very rude and hateful a lot of the times as well and has a horrible temper. Last time I told him I was leaving he grabbed me and shoved me onto the bed and took my phone and threw it. He apologized but it's just hurt after hurt and I know that I do all I can to make him happy but I feel he does nothing for me. I know if he were to come to me and say "hey your doing this and it's hurting my feelings" i would apologize and say I'm sorry even if I thought I was right and wouldn't do what ever said thing was that I did to hurt his feelings again because that's what you do when you care about someone. He now is great with our daughter we share responsibility but I have such a hurt from him not helping me before on top of no intimacy and his anger. I'm at a loss. Part of me says to go but I grew up with seeing my father part time and I don't want to do that to her. I will feel selfish. He has apologized but it's the same over and over and I feel like he has cheated. He has taken every security there is in a relationship and smashed it... The feeling of being wanted and loved, feeling safe, trust. I want to forgive him but I stew on it day after day I don't think I can. I don't know what to do at this point.

  • Leave him. Hon, you don't have to settle for losers like that. I admire your desire to keep a father in your daughter's life, but his presence in an immediate sense will most likely just showcase a dysfunctional family unit for her and a disinterested father. Better to show her only a loving and devoted mother in yourself.
    [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

    Comment


    • I agree with jen. Leave him. He's immature, and not even ready to be a father, acting like a baby himself. He's not ready for the responsibility of a child.

      Comment


      • Well MNKE9 I am sorry but I completely agree with Jen and Midnight leave this immature pig now.He will never change at all and saying sorry like he does don't mean crap. He doesn't change so it's meaningless just wasted air. Now he has you apologizing now for his bad behavior really please. He sounds just like the wife beater type who wants his wife or girl friend to wait on him hand and foot. What took the cake for me was he got mad at you for going into labor with both your child really. We all know who he thinking of only him self, how dare you go into labor when he's tired seriously. Do your self a huge favor this guy won't ever change, leave his **** now sue him for child support. In no way should you live this type of relationship and continuing on with all of it. This just tells him your excepting is bad behavior towards you and then next the child's.
        When out driving always turn left. Then, should you become lost, you can find your way home by reversing the procedure and always turning right.

        Comment


        • I agree. Leave him now before he hurts you or your child. You may think you can't do it alone but you already are and just don't relaize it. When you finally get free from this situation the relief you will feel can not be measured. This is a bad situation but can be overcome. Don;t hesitate any longer. Get out now!

          Comment


          • They are all right. This guy is immature. He doesn't grow up as a man. He's a boy! When my wife gave birth having a labor for 2days. I didn't get any sleep or rest. I didn't go to work. I'm not saying he has to do the same thing. He has to show affection and support.

            This situation, he is in control of you. Maybe he will apologize if he hurts you. You can see sincerity in his eyes but thereafter it happens again. Talk to him, tell him what you feel. Everytime he does this you connection would be lost. That's his attitude, that won't change at all unless he can see the importance or he'd lost you. Good Luck!

            Comment


            • This certainly doesn't come across as a relationship of any sort. I'm wondering whether the decision to have a baby was a mutual one? Some (selfish immature) men can't handle no longer being the centre of attention. You talk about intimacy, but I think you mean sex. It doesn't sound as if you've ever had true intimacy which comes from conversation - about big and little things. I'm with the others. This guy doesn't appear to have any feelings for you, let alone your (his and your) child. A life without him will probably be difficult, but so much better for you and your child as nothing destroys self-esteem more than feeling neglected, and that's what you'll both have. Good luck.

              Comment


              • Strange that the OP never came back on this. Usually the ones who go to the trouble of posting a few paragraphs do.
                [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

                Comment

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