[LadyLane]

I think its funny about the porn thing (not in regard to her post, but in general)...

Honestly, what would all the wives and girlfriends do if out of the blue they heard, "Hey hon, I'm going to drink some beer and watch porn! I'll be up in an hour!" They'd flip out! It cracks me up to think of it.

I know my husband watches it and I'm fine with it as long as I don't know when he's doing it. Some things are just private. But maybe its because I don't mind in the first place. I don't know.

[Franny&Zooey]

You say it's not about the porn it's about the lies, but do you give him any reason to tell the truth about porn? I find this funny, a lot of women say this. That they wouldn't mind the guy watching porn as long as he filled her in on all the gory details - and yet, if you even said the words "I was watching por-" you'd get shouted and guilt tripped into the ground. So of course we wind up lying about it...

Personally, I'm only hurt by the lies. I've only encountered this once with my boyfriend and it was when we first started dating. I was very blunt about everything, about what I told him about myself and what I asked him about himself. I asked once if he owned any porn, in magazines, internet subscriptions, or downloaded onto the computer. He replied, "No." Okay, next question. Three months later I find pictures of nude women and a few videos. I watch porn myself, I tell him when I watch it, and if he'd like to know, what exactly I watched. But when he just hid it from me. That's what hurt. Everything was erased, and he apologized. He said he was ashamed. Some women don't like porn at all, and they need to flat out tell thier S/O and reach a compromise if it's a conflict of opinions. But all in all both parties should be completely open and honest.

[missmouse]

honestly i wouldnt mind if its thr truth..
it woudl hurt but noenearly as much as him lying

[Guest]

anon makes a great point. women want honesty - and often don't want the honesty they get.

but there's another side to that. it's OK to demand honesty - and it's OK to be upset about what he shares. there's nothing hypocritical about that. you're allowed to have a reaction.

but you will need to really guard your responses if you want him to be open. not hide them, really, but choose carefully. if he's struggling with porn - like most guys are - and he chooses to let you walk with him through the struggle, you'll be navigating through a very delicate & volatile world for him.

fine line between drawing a line & demanding responsible behavior and making him feel like a freak. the latter will only drive him to cover his tracks more carefully.