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On my 40th birthday

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  • On my 40th birthday

    I never know turning 40 can be scary for a woman until it happens to me. I saw others SO threw a big party for them and made a big fuss of it ,that scares me, I feel like I haven't have much done in life yet & im already stepping into 40 , as I think , even though I've a bachelor degree, an ok career ,a comfy house and 2 beautiful kids.
    Because I'm trying to avoid others wishing me happy 40th birthday at work and surrounding& because it coincidentally falls on kids school 1week break , I booked a 1 week family holiday & we arrived right at 12 am of my birthday. After checking into our room, HB just gave me a kiss on cheek with happy birthday wish. And I was still waiting..waiting for that surprise gift or maybe that lovely birthday cards perhaps saying something sweet like " even though you're 40 but you always sweet like 25" etc craps...I waited till the next morning, but nothing...really?? Nothing...I was upset and asked ," really? No card no present?"
    I kept on telling myself, is just another birthday , no biggie...but the other side of me was not happy at all saying you only turn 40 once and it matters to you for you've been together for 15 years. He didn't have gift for you on your 15th anniversary but just kept on talking about getting it and still not seen it today and now neither on your 40th birthday that matters to you. Anyhow, this thoughtless man of mine somehow bought a card from somewhere when the whole thing is already ruined.
    In the end I told myself " Oh well... Is just another day..I'm ****************ed and it was unforgettable ".
    Last edited by Findingluckystar; 11-08-2014, 02:33 PM.

  • Some people just don't get it and even though you may have not been looking forward to your 40th it was still a milestone and should have been remembered by your SO with at least a card if not something more.

    If this is the way he is, I will suggest to you that on these types of occasions, that you treat yourself to something nice. It might be a good day to go get a mani and pedi, get your hair done, buy a new pair of shoes or even take yourself out for lunch.

    I am more surprized that your children didn't make you a card, give you a hug or a kiss and wish you Happy Birthday. Kids are usually so good at making birthdays special.
    That which we forget may as well never really happened.

    Comment


    • I agree with Claret, but have you clearly laid out your expectations to this man? I don't mean to lay blame on you for his unfortunate misstep, but does he truly have an understanding of what these milestones mean to you & how you would like to celebrate them? He may have thought that the trip was the celebration. Talk to him, explain it all very explicitly. He may just be a person who will comprehend & respond to such correction.
      If not, as Claret explains, treat yourself, and don't allow any resentment to build toward your husband.

      I am one of those people who is terrible at gift-giving, terrible at remembering those occasions-it just isn't my natural inclination to show my love or appreciation that way. I do recognize for many, it is very important, so I can be aware & make extra effort when I know I need to. Talk to him. Share your hurt & maybe some change will come about.

      Comment


      • I empathize with your plight. With people you love and profess to love you back, there are certain expectations. One of them is to understand your needs and act accordingly. Though you cannot teach men to be romantic (or, some women to enjoy being romanced), you should be able to convince him that certain occasions merit celebration. Based on your post, I think that you have tried without success. How did he respond when you said "really, nothing?"

        The one thing you need to embrace is that there is nothing to fear with aging. 40 is truly the new 30 for women. There is plenty of time to have new and different experiences and accomplishments. You can certainly soothe yourself by purchasing your own presents, but that will never be nearly as satisfying as the real deal -- your husband, acting on his own, to meet the expectation. Instead, carve out some time for yourself, without the kids, to start something that will give you the feeling of accomplishment at 50.
        "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"

        Comment


        • I'm a woman and I had no idea 40 is, or should be, something special.

          But I understand the thing of being disappointed. I don't expect my man to remember anything important to me, because if I'd do, I'd be forever disappointed. I know everything about him, big and small. Anyway, I just assume I'm alone in the world, except for some things related to sex...

          So, as an insider of being totally alone in this world, I'd advise you to give yourself the gifts, the cards, the pampering. When I want to hear some words, I write them to myself, or I talk aloud to my image in the mirror. Love yourself enough for two.

          Congratulations on being 40!!!

          Comment


          • Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
            I am one of those people who is terrible at gift-giving, terrible at remembering those occasions-it just isn't my natural inclination to show my love or appreciation that way. I do recognize for many, it is very important, so I can be aware & make extra effort when I know I need to. Talk to him. Share your hurt & maybe some change will come about.
            I remember many family bdays, but not good at gift-thinking and giving either. But then Findingls mentioned you have quite a lot of blessings you can be thankful for already. Good health too, i suppose, which is most welcome at this age. My spouse also forgets bdays--of kids, but it also hurts sort of. Then we just remind, as even the kids forget, mind you!
            Incidentally, since someone admitted she is 40, would the ppl here mind a thread on how old are you? It's just sometimes it's hard to gauge how old the women (and men) we're talking with are, taking a while to see profiles and old posts.

            Comment


            • Honestly, this post is upsetting. And it's not like I'm big on getting presents (I always tell the GF to not get me presents but she does anyway). I find it totally ridiculous that your family (more so the Husband than the kids) did not give you a birthday present. I mean, seriously? Yeah, you did not want to make a big fuss about being 40, but you should still get a present (without the fuss) at 40 just like you should have gotten a present at 39 and just like you should get a present at 41.

              [B]"Are you serious? You're [i]bleeping[/I] THAT girl?"[/B][B] - [COLOR="#B22222"]jen1447[/COLOR][/B]

              Comment


              • Thank you all for comments & advices... Sorry for I've forgotten to mention my kids did have self made cards for me but i don't expect anything from my kids, it will not upset me even if they forgot but it matters to me when my SO is totally thoughtless.
                Most of us has something regret about in life, and I did regret I didn't spend enough time finding my ideal compatible half.
                I'm a very thoughtful person, i always gift and do what most other people would do during special occasions I.e birthdays,anniversaries , book all the necessary appointments( Dr, dentist, car maintainance ) etc etc but Ive slowly stripping those off "on purpose " because I strongly believe " you get what you give". I did have gift for his last birthday & anniversary,so the next many years ,I'll force myself not to gift SO anymore, no more wasting my time but treat myself only.
                Don't get me wrong of me loving presents, is the thought that make me happy. It can be simple card with some sweet romantic words..for me, a thoughtful man is always a turn on. I used to envy my co-worker as her Hb would call her saying " I see that new sexy hair you got today" after she went to her hairdresser. I thought that was sweet.
                Anyway,ive past 40 and time is tickling fast, I've decided to pick up as many courses related to my career as possible , hope all my free time is mostly fill up meaningfully and will be happier *41!!! Thank you all..

                Comment


                • Don't beat yourself up over not finding an ideal mate. It is exceedingly difficult when we are young and what we need in life changes as we age. Though it is difficult to change a person, it is not difficult to teach your partner to acknowledge and appreciate you. Rather than go the ***-for-tat route, I would have one or more conversations about the need to to feel appreciated . . . I am sure he has the same need. It is something he can work on, not just for birthdays, but in every day life. Don't stop the self-soothing, but keep trying to mold your partner. Best of luck.
                  "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"

                  Comment

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