[bronzebunny]

Hello all...I need some advise, my husbands old flame, I guess you could call her, keeps showing up! They were just a casual fling in college according to him. This was just a few years ago, and now she is dating one of his best fiends and is constantly slithering her way into group things! I cant stand her first & formost because of the obvious but she is a rea whiney talker and a big baby. What can I say to make it clear I do not want to be around her..ever...

[alibaby]

bronzebunny,

I can understand your not liking your husbands ex, but you can't stop her from going to social events that she has been invited to and public places. She is dating his best friend, so you are bound to end up in the same places, especially if you have the same circle of friends. You didn't say that she threatened you or is going after your husband...and if you tell her you don't want her around (using even the nicest words), it could bring up all kinds of trouble for you with your husband. If the only problem is being in her presence and being reminded of the past, or not liking her personality, can you work on ignoring her, or only saying 'hi' and nothing else, and not letting her presence bother you so much? Or you'll have to just avoid situations that she'll be involved in altogether. Have a talk with your husband.

[rcoreyus]

I think the best response in this situation is to be friendly to his old flame. If you are hostile, he may find himself feeling like he needs to defend her - and you don't want to go there.

He is married to you now - he chose you, not her.

[LadyLane]

Yep, I agree. As much as she may make your skin crawl, and wonder about his choice in women in the past, be friendly to her. So what if he hooked up with her? He chose to spend his life with you. And I'm sure he dated a few people after her and before you, putting more distance between them.

When she's there, just act as you would have if she wasn't there. Rcorey is right - if you make a big deal, and he defends her, which will make you nuts, it'll just become a huge thing.

However, I do know some things you could say to her in the event that she starts hanging on him or flirting... but I'll save those for "in case."

[Guest]

my opinion is have a talk with your husband let him know that you feel uncontroble around her if you do if your husband or her speak just by saying hello/hi it is posible that they are getting closer and you don't want that, do you ? god know's what can happen women who date their ex's bestfriend are trying to get their ex jealous in a way i know that the past is the past but she was youre husband ex im not saying she should be your enemy but watch out she did date ur husband and is with ur husbands bf i think she's getting close to ur hubby becareful.

[bronzebunny]

LOL!! LadyLane...that was funny. Thank you all for your advise, I have mentioned this to him before and he said" I cant control who he(his friend) dates" and I understand this, but at the same time he sure as hell has thrown a lil fit when we were asked to go out with some of my friends and found out that a someone that I had been with was goig to be there. I just asked that if he knew"they" were going to be there, that we would skip the event and he said sure. But there was an recent incident that really upset me, "they" showed up uninvited to a birthday party for our family.Only to find out that he mentioned to other friends of theirs that the guy was absolutly invited! ????????

[alibaby]

Could your husband have simply been trying to avoid fireworks? The host of the party let "them" stay...that's their choice. Just let it go, otherwise she'll get in the way of your relationships with your husband, family, and friends and, in the end, you're the one who will lose.