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Double standard on communication expectations - husband

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  • Double standard on communication expectations - husband

    Would be great if I'm not the only one feeling this isn't fair!
    My husband has a fit when I don't text him several times throughout the day to touch base, even if he never answers.
    On the other hand he almost never instigates the first contact while we are both away at work, and when he does, if I don't answer him right away! I hear about it later.
    He seems to worry all day about me, although I'm just the opposite, I feel time apart is great for when we both get home again! He and I have had numerous conversations about this and I feel like he's just insecure - so I keep up the conversations even when I really have nothing new to say, just to drop a line, that seems to sate him.
    Any idea why it's a double standard?

  • In your case, I think you've answered your own question. :-) He has an insecurity and needs that regular contact to appease it. You don't. Maybe you have relationship insecurities in other areas? I know I do. I'm hyper-sensitive to inconsistencies. Like if my bf (or anyone I love for that matter) contacts me at certain times of a day every day, and then that changes for some reason I usually feel very anxious inside. So I know that's a bit of an insecurity for me and I try to remember when I see an insecurity pop up in my fella, that I have some of my own. It makes it a bit easier to be sensitive to it.

    Then again, maybe you're just one of those super chill people who truly doesn't have any relationship insecurities. And in that case, well........I'm jealous and I hate you. :-D lol!!!

    I dated a guy once who just contacted me CONSTANTLY no matter what. He'd literally send me texts like, "I'm eating now." ............Ummmmmmm.........okay. Lol. I got aggravated with it because its like, how do you even respond to that. "Cool. Enjoy." would be my typical response. Then he'd accuse me of being distant. We didn't last long.
    "Be what you're looking for."

    Comment


    • Originally posted by showmestate1968 View Post
      My husband has a fit when I don't text him several times
      He seems to worry all day about me, although I'm just the opposite
      Any idea why it's a double standard?
      are you newlywed? or married less than 5 yrs?
      if I texted husband several times/ day he'd take away the phone he gave me ......because he is busy working! LOL

      actually dislike texting and only husband has no. , sister asked and refused to give her cell no. as know she's a big time texter and I don't want to hear my phone all day long! (which husband got me for emergencies and which I didn't even want)

      Comment


      • Originally posted by amy40 View Post

        are you newlywed? or married less than 5 yrs?
        if I texted husband several times/ day he'd take away the phone he gave me ......because he is busy working! LOL

        actually dislike texting and only husband has no. , sister asked and refused to give her cell no. as know she's a big time texter and I don't want to hear my phone all day long! (which husband got me for emergencies and which I didn't even want)
        I think so far your are both on the money. I wouldn't say I have NO insecurities, so don't unlove me lol... anyway I do agree that we approach a lot of things differently and you're right if I know that's what he needs, I need to make sure that's what he gets! Maybe he realizes I don't need it and therefore doesn't feel he has to answer back. Men ARE simple creatures, for sure and that should always be the first thing I consider when tackling relationship issues, lol!

        We have been together 3 years, just married Oct 2016, so newlyweds, but we lived together months before that.
        I sometimes write him after hours of silence because I'm actually just too busy and say "don't call the coast guard! I'm okay" and that is sometimes all he really wanted. lol

        Thanks gals.

        Comment


        • Originally posted by showmestate1968 View Post
          We have been together 3 years, just married Oct 2016, so newlyweds,.
          sensed you might be.....in that case, he may just be wanting a little love, and texts throughout day shows you're thinking about him

          we're old school "sticky notes"

          Comment


          • I find this sort of thing very annoying in a partner, but not necessarily a bad thing. I think it's a battle I'd not choose to fight and just try to appease him. If it weren't due to trust issues, I'd just make the effort to msg occasionally so he didn't worry I think.

            Sometimes I think a man thinks that's demonstrating his concern and love for us-to want that message all the time. If that's how your hubs is, allow him to show his affection that way and roll with it. As newlyweds, I'm guessing that will fade over time.

            welcome to our forum!
            Last edited by atskitty2; 02-24-2017, 10:17 AM.

            Comment


            • "I think so far your are both on the money. I wouldn't say I have NO insecurities, so don't unlove me lol..." Okay okay....I'll give you another chance. LOL!

              I think I understand now, more than I did after reading just the first post. It FEELS selfish for him to expect continual contact from you, but then not do the same thing in return (even though you don't want it). It just seems that by nature, he'd do it if he were the type who needed it in return. I think it points even more to insecurity. Is he the type that feels like you're better than him, like he married "up"? If so, there's probably always that fear in the back of his mind that you'll get tired of him or something similar, even if it's not prominent in his mind. On the other hand, perhaps he knows he's not going to tire of you and leave you, so he doesn't even think in those terms and doesn't feel the need to provide you that reassurance.

              I think you're right. It's just something he needs. And it's fine to accommodate that as long as he's accommodating the things you need as well.
              "Be what you're looking for."

              Comment

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