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My husband got laid off, again

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  • My husband got laid off, again

    My husband got laid off again. It's not that he doesn't work hard, it's just bad luck. The problem is that he goes into this depression and self deprecating mode. I'm left trying to be the supportive spouse trying to talk him out of that depression. I already have a high stress job and do a larger portion of the household chores. When he is out of work, he does do more around the house, but I still take on 50% of the workload. Now I'm the primary bread winner too. I just don't have the energy to baby him through this again. I need for him to stop thinking only about himself and be more supportive of my career, stop pitying himself and also step up the household chores. How do I say it without throwing salt on the wound?
    Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

  • That I'm not sure about. You probably could be throwing only sugar and he will still thinks it is salt. Maybe you should have him write down his short term and long term goals so he has a blueprint to follow.
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    ...
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

    Comment


    • That's a tough situation Dream. I'm sorry you're going through that again. Sometimes, being a little forceful (tough love) can be a good thing. Nurturing his depressive states will only enable him to continue it. I believe if it were me, I would HAVE to say something about it. Maybe something like, "We are in this together. This kind of thing happens to people all over this country every day. We will work through this and be totally fine like we always are. I completely understand feeling downhearted about the situation, I do too, but we have to lace up our boots and keep going. I need you. I need your help. And when you're here, I NEED you to do "xyz"."

      "Be what you're looking for."

      Comment


      • Is this a layoff, or a sugar coated firing? Does he expect to be called back? Did he get a severance package?

        I agree with both jns and BD. This may be the time to point out trends in his life and the benefit of some quality counseling to help stop the recurrent problem.
        He needs help. You need help to help him properly. And he needs to understand the impact on you and the kids.
        Cycles like this will continue unless he addresses the root cause. Time to make some changes. Maybe this will be a catalyst for the change.

        Comment


        • Dream
          Sorry, that happened as the situation causes more stress for you.
          It is difficult to give any advice as don't know if your husband waits to be called back to work while collecting unemployment or if he's totally out of a job and needs to find a new one.

          Comment


          • I agree with tough love. I don't have much advice to offer, but I am sorry your husband has lost his job. I have an idea as to why from reading your post. You'll just have to be honest with him and tell him what you've told us.

            Comment


            • Job is gone, it's not coming back. He works really hard and it's not like he is sitting around being a bum. But it adds a lot of stress to my life when beyond the daily things I do, I also have to be the supportive spouse building up his declining self esteem. I've suggested he become a stay-at-home parent and help me make more money which would make up for the lost income. But that doesn't sit well with his male ego. Plus he wants to work. I understand how all of this is stressful on him, but everybody, including him, seems to forget how stressful this is on me.
              Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

              Comment


              • Well, after all, it's NOT just about him, his feelings, his ego. That's a part of the equation for sure, but not the entirety of it. It's a lot of pressure for you.
                "Be what you're looking for."

                Comment


                • I feel for you Dream

                  he may not like this but if he'll accept any job now, doesn't have to be in his field, that will keep him busy uNeil he finds job in his field

                  it is a job, however, looking for a job and if immediate goal is to get him employed again, I do not see him helping out even more at home or that will take away from the search for a job, networking, etc

                  so sorry Dream! this would have to come at worst time with school out, too

                  Comment


                  • Dream
                    has he applied for any jobs yet?

                    when a neighbor retired, he had no trouble at all finding a part time job....they are out there
                    any job (until he finds job in his field) would help his self-esteem, bring in income, decrease tension

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by amy40 View Post
                      Dream
                      has he applied for any jobs yet?

                      when a neighbor retired, he had no trouble at all finding a part time job....they are out there
                      any job (until he finds job in his field) would help his self-esteem, bring in income, decrease tension
                      Yes. Trying is not a problem.
                      Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

                      Comment


                      • I am sorry for that, and you are a great woman! keep on supporting him

                        Comment


                        • DreamP346

                          Dream
                          has you husband had any luck finding a job?
                          hope so

                          Comment


                          • How have things gone? I would be very interested in an update.

                            Comment


                            • He is back working now.
                              Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

                              Comment

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