[Anonymous01]

A few months ago I found out my husband was watching porn, looking at strippers on Instagram and on YouTube, and watch twerking videos on YouTube. He claims it's because he felt neglected and I gave our son more attention. He also adds in that he never thought about me or my feelings when watchuung porn, bujt while watching the strippers on YouTube he would envision me doing this things to him. I don' know whether to believe him or not. And I do not know how to get past this, I am having so much trouble because I find porn and the other stuff he looked at absolutely disgustion and it makes me feel like I can't give him what he wants! I do not know what to do, anytime I try to talk about it he blows up on me and threatens our relationship..

[Texasred]

This is something you have to talk with him about, hopefully not in an accusatory way. I happen to agree with you that much of porn is disgusting, and the worst part is that it creates extremely unrealistic ideas of what normal sex is about, but... There is something in it that appeals to him, which is a sign of problems in your relationship. You two need to identify those problems and solve them, or his inclination to watch porn will not go away. Perhaps professional counseling where you could individually and then jointly discuss things with a counselor. At any rate, if at all possible, you need to let him know how you feel WITHOUT making accusations, since I'm certain he would much rather be with you than watching other people have sex, and he can't feel good about himself.
I hope this helps,
- TR

[atskitty2]

How long have you been married? Is this a new thing, for him to be watching porn, or are you just finding out about it?

How old are you both?

I think there are obviously problems that need to be addressed in the relationship, and counseling is probably the best place to start. For now, try to focus on solving the problems that caused your relationship to have this setback, and less focus on the porn. You can deal with that more once the underlying issues are brought to the surface and are being managed.

I'm interested in the answers above, then I'll comment more. Welcome to the community! I hope we can help you work through this successfully.

[Anonymous01]

Texasred thank You!
atskitty2 we have been married for a year and half and have been together 3 and a half years. He says before this incident he has never watched porn except before we were together. I am 22 and he is 24.
He has given me his passwords to all social media and he gives me access to his phone anytime I want. He says he regrets what he did and that he hurt me and he doesn't want to watch porn. He said he didn't want to watch it to begin with, he just felt neglected and he found it interesting that people could do that to each other without having a care in the world.

[Anonymous01]

Also since I have discovered this we have been getting along a lot better, we talk a lot more, we are way more sexually active! I just don't know how to get myself to get past everything. Because it crosses mind at the least once a day.

[atskitty2]

Do you know exactly what it is about porn that bothers you, and/or what it is about him watching it that bothers you?

I'm glad things are better, and I strongly encourage you to address the underlying issues that led to the fallout initially and work together so that it doesn't reach this point again. That's the difficulty

[Texasred]

Anonymous01, it's great to hear that you two have made progress!

[Texasred]

You *might* consider watching at least some "soft porn" with him, in an effort to see what it is that appeals to him. I dot know, it does se you two have issues still, but they're not insurmountable.

[Anonymous01]

atskitty2 and Texasred it bothers me because 1 I find it disgusting and 2 it makes me feel less about myself. I can't look like the women he was seeing through the screen of his phone. Sometimes I can't even move that way and it makes me feel like I just don't do it for him anymore. He tells me I'm wrong, but that's not how I feel. Like I said he tells me that he didn't even want to watch them and he definetly doesn't now. But some days I can't get it out of my head, the stuff he looked at. I feel like it has more so to do with me than him. About 6 months ago we weren't getting along, there were days he didn't want to come home from work and I didn't want him home. And now that we have, for the most part, resolved this we can't stand to be apart from each other and he keeps telling me this won't ever happen again and I shouldn't have to worry about it.
Also to me, him looking at porn and pictures of naked women to me feels like cheating in a way. I am his wife and I feel like he should only want to look at me naked.

[Texasred]

I underatand your feelings completely, it **is** perhaps a form of infidelity for him to look at other women. But i would suggest that, as long as he has not acted on his thoughts - and how could he? these are images on a screen, not real beings - this is a far lesser form of infidelity. Yes, what he did is, objectively wrong, but... are you perhaps being a little too much a victim of your own insecurities? After all, he **did** marry you, voluntarily.
So we're back to the idea you two ahould get a little counseling, both of you, not necessarily jointly, to help you resolve not just the issues you've mentioned here but also your other issues.