[Momof3123]

I recently discovered my husband is a member of all these gay/lesbian/bi/trans hook up sites. Some of the profiles he has say hes bi. He never told me about this and I never ever suspected it. When I confronted him about it I was not angry and I told him please dpnt lie to me.He said he has been in a 3 some in the past, before we were married with a guy and another women. He said he does not give oral sex to other men but he has recieved it from another man. I also found pictures in his phone of him with a dildo in his ***. All of the stuff I found makes me think hes gay. I dont know what to believe or do but it really put a wedge in our relationship. Our sex life was great so I thought. Why is he looking for men online and sending and receiving pictures of them?

[Ashlee T.]

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. What a devastating discovery this must be. I think the important thing to remember here is that infidelity is infidelity no matter the gender of the person it is done with. He has hidden a part of himself from you that would have been critical in your determination of whether or not this was the right person for you and that is so unfair to you and so selfish of him. Even if he is truly a bisexual person, he made a choice to have a life with one woman and that means forgoing all other relationships and sexual interests. Being bisexual is not an excuse to cheat and do things behind your partners back that you would not do in front of their face. I might like men with blonde hair and men with brown hair, but if I marry a man with blonde hair that doesn't give me a free pass to cheat on with him with guys with brown hair just because I have a sexual interest in them.

The most important part here isn't whether he's gay or not (though, that is important too) to your relationship is that he is not being truthful with you and he has now broken your trust. Would it have been different if you discovered him communicating with and sending nude pictures to other women? Cheating is cheating, no matter who it's with. The question is, why is he looking for ANYONE online and being so careless with his marriage that he sends and receives pics of others?

[Popcorn&Candy]

I agree with Beautiful Disaster. He has broken your trust and cheating IS cheating: no matter the gender. You need to talk to him: although I would be kind about it. Of course you're upset - and don't have to hide your feelings - but he needs to know you know. I feel really bad for you, but this situation has to be confronted. It's scary approaching someone you love like this, but - again - he needs to know you know. Then see what comes next.

[WaveRider]

He's gay and a worse than a girly man. Gay/bisexual men are in extreme high-risk HIV group. He should have disclosed his sexual preferences to you before you began dating him.

Exacerbating is reckless concern for your health, he's out hustling assignations with gay and bisexual "men" on Websites.

You do what's right for you. My advice is get an HIV test and divorce him. He's not the "man" he represented himself to you. Hence, he's a liar and probably a sociopath.

I have no clue how you could respect him. I have no respect for males like him. I couldn't care whether he puts himself at risk of death. To put another at identical risk is the essence of a scum bag.

Anyway, that's how I feel as expressed in opinion based upon fact.

Run away from him. He ain't who he conned you into believing he was.

BTW, why would a bisexual male give oral sex and not expect reciprocity? My money's on your husband having his ears pulled many times.

[Popcorn&Candy]

I do think HIV can also be prevailent in the hetrosexual community. A lot of men have gotten HIV through gay relationships, but so have straight people. I think a person has to use protection regardless of whether a gay or straight relationship.

I also think if you have to change someone to fit you, you're with the wrong person. You should never bend someone to fit you, or vice versa. Whether you give him a second chance, only you can decide. But he is as he is and you will never be able to change him. Be honest with yourself and don't stay in a relationship that doesn't fit anymore. I would, personally, end the relationship and find someone I didn't have to change.