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I am just not physically attracted.

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  • I am just not physically attracted.

    So I have been in a relationship for about 7 years, and I have known the guy forever. He is attracted to me in every way possible...I however have never actually been physically attracted to him, but he is a good guy, and we have a fun time being around each other...for me I feel about him like a best friend. The reason I ended up in a relationship with him, is like I said, he is an awesome guy, super sweet to me and puts up with all of my crazy emotional ways and such. But lately it has gotten so much harder for me to enjoy the time we are intimate together, which he is the only guy I have ever done so with, now I have always considered myself bi- sexual, and started to think maybe all this meant I was not attracted to guys at all...but that cannot be completely true as there have been guys that I have never been with, but when I am around them, I feel an attraction and desire I have never felt for this guy. Another thing is, anytime I know we will probably be intimate, I feel a feeling of discomfort, and as much as I hate to say it, disgust. He is not a gross person, he has good hygiene and everything and he is not bad looking, but I have always felt this way. It has gotten to the point of me having thoughts of cheating, but I never want to hurt him...I wanted to get some other ladies opinions and advice. What should I do? I might add that things have gotten worse since an ex girlfriend came back in to my life. He thinks she is an old friend...and it is causing me a lot of confusion on what to do emotionally. I feel guilty even though I have not done anything.
    "It's the same hate that's caused wars from religion
    Gender to skin color, the complexion of your pigment
    The same fight that led people to walk outs and sit ins
    It's human rights for everybody, there is no difference!
    Live on and be yourself...
    When everyone else is more comfortable remaining voiceless
    Rather than fighting for humans that have had their rights stolen
    I might not be the same, but that's not important
    No freedom till we're equal, !!!! right I support it"

  • Hi again, Victaga!

    Well, I'm not one to beat around the bush so I'm just going to put it out there: This is NOT a relationship. 7 years? It is extremely unfair to BOTH of you to continue on in a relationship where you are depriving each other of true chemistry and connection.

    There are lots of nice people in the world. There are lots of good people. That is not a good enough reason to be in a relationship with someone.

    In any relationship, there will be "dry periods" where you just aren't feeling super sexual. But that is much different than knowing and admitting to yourself that you are not and have not ever been truly attracted to this person. You must realize that continuing on in a relationship like that is extremely unfair to you both.

    Perhaps a breakup with hurt you both. But you will move past that. It is better to hurt now and move on than to spend your life with someone who isn't attracted to you (in his case) or with someone you aren't attracted to (in your case). You may never know it, but he will thank you, down the road when he is in a relationship with someone who is truly crazy about him. It just isn't fair and you're not doing yourself or him any favors by continuing this on.

    Step up to the plate and do the right thing here, girl.
    "Be what you're looking for."


    • I agree with Ashlee. T. You're not doing yourself or him any favours by staying in a relationship neither of you are happy in. Yes: there are nice people in the world, but you're just torturing yourself by staying with him out of guilt. You deserve happiness, too: and if you're unhappy with him, why put yourself [and him] through that? He needs to be with someone who is mad about him and you are depriving him of that. If you truly care for him, you will let him fly free and let him be happy.

      I am not trying to be patronizing, but if you truly respect him, that is what I would do.


      • A great relationship will have a spark that sets it above other relationships. It sounds like you are missing that in this relationship.
        I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
        Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

        From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


        • How have things panned out now, Victaga?


          • Have you tried telling him to make more of an effort to be attractive? He doesn't need a 6 pack for you to find him desirable again.


            • You should always love seeing your partner naked


              • I couldn't imagine having sex with someone I wasn't attracted to. I'd hate for a woman to have sex with me if she didn't



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