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We got married one month ago, and he started sleeping on the sofa and no sex, only blowjobs.

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  • We got married one month ago, and he started sleeping on the sofa and no sex, only blowjobs.

    Hey everyone, so i just wanted to share this because its been really worrying me and sort of irritating as well. My husband and I met in feb 2020 and we got married later on in august 2020. Ik things happened too fast, but it seemed right. During our first months of living together we would sleep in the same bed, have sex, passionate sex, kiss, eat together, go to places together and all that... later on it was our wedding month and my mother came to our country and was staying at our flat. She was sleeping on the sofa and we in the bedroom. At that time he kept saying that as soon as she leaves he will feel comfortable again in this flat and we will have time alone. Well so finally she went back to her country, and since that day he moved to the sofa. He sleeps there, gets dressed there in the living room and etc. i personally can only sleep on the bed cos my back hurts from the sofa. However we hade many arguments about this, but he still said he feels more relaxed there and all that. Whatever. One month passes, still sleeping on the sofa and then, our sex life just stopped. It disappeared, maybe its because he works nightshifts? But its only 6 hours shift and he sleeps the 3 hours out of that shift!!!! I dont know what to do, all he wants is blowjobs, im so fed up. He never eats me out, only i pleasure him. And today he said he just doesnt want sex because hes stressed from work and all... but he wants the friggin blowjob! So i gave it to him, and then i asked if i can sit on him? And he said ye, we had sex for 2 mins and he told me to get off and continue sucking his d. Then he finished and went to sleep. No thank you? No baby you were amazing! Nothing. Nothing nothing. Im so mad but at the same time idk what to do? What do u guys think?

  • Hi anniuta. Welcome to Women's Health Interactive Forums. From reading the post I got the feeling that maybe he is releasing his sexual energy elsewhere. I hope not, but that is how I saw it. How much do you know about him and what his life was like before the two of you met?
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    ...
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

    Comment


    • Hello! And thank you, well i do know some stuff thats important about him of course, but i really cannot imagine what it was like when he wasnt with me. Just dont have that picture in my mind. Plus i am taking antidepressants now, so most of the time im in a very confused- relaxed state; which doesnt let me function and judge his actions properly. I dont know. He says he doesnt have anyone besides me. And he doesnt need anyone. He blames it on the night shifts and sleep deprivation. But i still do not believe it. I know plenty people who work super hard and still have a sex life.

      Comment


      • I know that night shifts can throw your balance off and that the sleep deprivation is real, but being young and in a new marriage would make your sex drive go wild, at least it would for me (I'm assuming you two are young). Some men get habituated to blow jobs from their past relationships just as some become habituated to masturbating. If they have trouble performing PIV sex, they may end upgoing back to the old standby. Sleep deprivation can lessen sex drive. Does he have days off and if he does, is he more receptive after getting a good sleep?
        I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
        ...
        Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

        From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

        Comment


        • Yes, im 21 and hes 28, well he doesnt take days off at all, so he works 7 days a week straight, and i know exactly! You are right it is supposed to be like this. I mean if he was 45-50 id understand but now?

          Comment


          • I wonder if melatonin might help him with his sleep deprivation. It is supposed to help with sleep disorders but that hasn't been completely proven yet. Maybe he could see a doctor about it. Alison H. , atskitty2 , Claret , your thoughts on this situation?
            I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
            ...
            Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

            From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

            Comment


            • Oh thank you i didnt know, i will consider it

              Comment


              • I could see sleep deprivation playing a role; it’s possible that he sleeps better after sexual release but lacks the energy to do much more than lay there and receive it. And night shifts are notoriously difficult on a person’s body.

                That said, it also isn’t fair for you to be the one solely responsible for keeping him pleasured with nothing in return – even if he is working 6-hour shifts 7 days a week.

                Melatonin is supposed to help with sleep disorders (to provide sleep that comes more easily and more restful sleep), but I have no firsthand experience with it.

                I think the best thing to do is sit down and talk with him about it (and not at a time when he’s asking for a blow job – choose a non-sexual moment to bring it up). This is something that can’t continue in the long term — his “happiness” cannot come with yours as the cost.

                It’s not going to be an easy conversation, I’m sure, but you both need to explore why this is happening in order to fix it.

                He really might sleep more comfortably on the sofa (some people do) and if it really does help him to get more restful sleep, that in and of itself isn’t terrible — but your sexual relationship with one another shouldn’t suffer because of it.

                Comment


                • Is this a new job or new shift?
                  So, he's working every single night, and sleeps during the day, every single day, correct?

                  I ask, to pinpoint exactly what his sleep habits are. Typically, the issue that arises with shift work is when a person works the off shift 5 or 6 nights, then tries at some point to be awake during daylight hours, and tries to sleep at night. Our bodies cannot adjust, and our brains and all those chemicals get messed up. So, shift work can absolutely wreak havoc on our lives, in every aspect.
                  Even working 7 days/week, 6 hour shifts, that's 42 hrs/week. And you say he sleeps at work? So, I'm not sure why he's incredibly exhausted. I'd expect a 28 year old man to have more stamina. I think he needs a physical exam to be sure there's not other reasons for this extreme exhaustion. Everyone is different, but I'd want to rule out physical reasons.

                  Do not take melatonin without a good exam with a physician to rule out anything else going on with him. Melatonin is a hormone naturally released by our own body, at night to help induce sleep. There are things that cause our body to release that hormone-things like darkness, temperature, etc. This supplement is pretty safely used, but really shouldn't be started until a doc gives the thumbs up. Let's face it-you don't know this guy well at all. You don't know his health history or really anything more than what you've seen in less than 1 year. So, encourage him to get a check-up with his doctor, and rule out anything going on physically.
                  I'm a lifelong insomniac. I have a good idea of how low-functioning a person can be with no sleep.

                  I think there's much more at play here though, honestly. What do you guys do together? What is your life like together? Are you spending time together watching tv? Going to dinner, or walks, or what do you enjoy spending your time on?

                  You mention family from another country. What sort of cultural differences are at play here? Different parts of the world have very different ideas about marriage, sex, and all the aspects of physical relationships. Can you tell us some more about what your cultural backgrounds bring to the table?

                  Comment

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