[HickBarbie]

To try to give you some background in short. I moved away from home with my best friend across country, when was 17. I am now 19. My dad passed away last year and at his funeral was the first time I saw my mom in like 2 years. I am married now, and that is one thing I said I would never do. They do not know I am married, and I want to be the one who tells them. My little sister found out because my friends big mouth. And it’ not as if I consider myself married, we did not have a wedding ,we did it a courthouse and I do not have a ring. Technically, he never even asked me, we just did it after school one day. Well I have decided that I want to tell my family when I have a real wedding, everyone is there, and when I will be able to drink at my own wedding. A few weeks ago, my other half picked up the phone when my grandfather called and just gave that information out. His family does not know we are married either. In addition, like for some more background. I do not believe in marriage, I am not religious and I do not see the point, I do not cheat. And to me it’s just a piece of paper, however he gets more money for being married and our taxes are different and my college is paid for, it has a lot of perks. I just don’t know what to do, all my friends are pretty understand but I want an outside opinion of how things look, and what I should do

[Inconsistent]

Put some thought into your actions. Stare at a fire (from a lighter, or whatever).

Think about it, and all you know about it. What is it that makes it glow like that? What is it that allows it to keep going? Will it hurt if I touch it?

Then touch it, regardless of what you come up with. It'll hurt, and you probably knew it was gunna hurt before you did it, and now that you did it anyway, do you feel any smarter?

Probably not.

Also, if you're looking forward to drinking at your wedding, you might be missing a point in there somewhere. Think about it for a sec, what exactly all of that means.

Marriage doesn't have anything to do with religion, you know, despite all the churchbells and ceremonies and all of that. It's more about 2 people keeping each other alive. Upset the balance, and things get complicated because one person now is taking care of 2 people, or more if you have kids.

Of course, I don't have to tell you this because you already know. Just think about it for a sec, why would 2 people possibly want to live together?

[HickBarbie]

we live together for so many reasons. and I do love him. Thats not it. Its so hard explaining it to people, and trying to make others understand. I consider him more my boyfreind. I am a very wonderful girlfriend. I'm just not family happy. I dont want to have kids any time soon either, maybe even ever. He makes me so happy and were are prefect together. I fell is like marraige is very important, and I dont belive in marriage becasue everyone is getting a divorce. Poeple are married too young..blah blah blah.... I just am not the wife type, Im not a bad person, and I share and we are happy. I just dont like the word marriage and I dont want people to know. and everyone talks and judges you on it

[Inconsistent]

we live together for so many reasons. and I do love him. Thats not it. Its so hard explaining it to people, and trying to make others understand. I consider him more my boyfreind. I am a very wonderful girlfriend. I'm just not family happy. I dont want to have kids any time soon either, maybe even ever. He makes me so happy and were are prefect together. I fell is like marraige is very important, and I dont belive in marriage becasue everyone is getting a divorce. Poeple are married too young..blah blah blah.... I just am not the wife type, Im not a bad person, and I share and we are happy. I just dont like the word marriage and I dont want people to know. and everyone talks and judges you on it

You feel like marriage is important, but you don't believe in it because it's appearing to be a sham?

That's kinda tragic. I don't blame you, though, for not talking to people about it. It's in part why I believe the way I do about marriage. Nowadays when I talk to older married folks they say, "Well, you seem to get it" but I didn't ask them for their opinions they asked me for mine.. Actually, I never really had to ask because I had friends, brothers, sisters etc that asked for me, but all I ever got from that was, "Don't get her pregnant, you're too young, you need a career, blah blah blah" making me feel like marriage was a social status thing.. An accessory, but it's not.

Partnership, 2 people surviving together with the same interests in mind. It's a business to support life and doesn't matter what's going on so long as both of you try to keep eachothers heads out of the water, and at the same time do all you can to keep your own head out of the water so that in a crisis, nobody is overly taxed on their mental and physical resources, so they can better cope with the situation.

Just remember...

Life aint easy. If it seems easy, you're doing it wrong and what you're doing won't last. In the case of marriage, if it seems easy for you, it's probably killing your partner, ing him off, driving him insane, or making him envy you. All of which are bad.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

hickbarbie
I just don’t know what to do, all my friends are pretty understand but I want an outside opinion of how things look, and what I should do

I think that you should only worry about what YOU think... You and your partner...

If you feel that you married for extra gains, then that's a smart move called survival.

If you feel that you are both in love and marriage is a piece of paper, then it is.

As, long as you are both happy, feeling like your boyfriend and girlfriend, can keep a relationship very much alive and obviously it is...

Problem i see, is different people are finding out now and so you will have to discuss it.

Why not say that we wanted to live together, be honourable to each other and so we got married.

However, we do not feel that we "got married" in the true sense, and intend to do so at a later date when we are older, complete with a nice family wedding...

At least, we are not living in sin and for this we feel grateful and rewarded...

?

CW

[Inconsistent]

and before anyone starts thinking I'm a callous .. Love kinda comes with the territory of helping eachother float.

[Little]

I'm gonna take a shot in the dark and assume he's in the military? Just by the extra money part. If that's the case, I understand perfectly why you got that JOP marriage.
And no, other people probably won't understand. You probably won't ever be able to make them.
But if he's not ... then I don't really get it. Sorry.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Kudos for not being religious and believing in marriage...

If it was worth it, then that's fine... You just have to tell your family it was essentially a contract to ease your lifes expenses.. and that divorces exist. As long as they don't understand it, explain it, tell them you don't even believe in marriage and you might very well not spend the rest of your life with this person.

[HickBarbie]

Yeah he is

[HickBarbie]

see thats my whole thing, I don't believ in marriage because I don't know anyone who ins't divorced. I dont believe there is such a thing as divorce. Marriage is for life, but I only got maried becasue I dont belive in it...

does that make sense