[*jade*]

ok well just say that ur hubby or boyfriend goes to a bucks night and theirs a stripper there. She fully goes all out with sexual physical contact and he even puts money in for paying her. Would use class it as cheating??? and what about if he goes to a topless bar or show room, would you class them as cheating??

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Personally? Not at all.

To me, cheating is physical contact with the intent to go all the way whilst in a relationship.

I think "boys" should be able to be "boys" and in an honest relationship, the trust is there, consequently, like we may let our hair down and go out with the girls, have a drink, get chatted up, and tell our S/O and laugh, same should apply with the male species.

CW

[damd]

Is it cheating?.... Uh, no. Is it worth talking about and discovering how each other feels about it?... Sure.

[talk time]

Well I guess it defends what you mean by 'she goes all out with the sexual physical contact'.

I think if she was selling sexual favours and he part takes then yes I think it is cheating. Even though it is only physical and not emotional if she is giving bj's or what ever and he goes for it it is cheating.

If he is just watching a strip and watching her doing sexual acts then it's not cheating, although if you feel uncomfortable with that then I believe you have the right to tell him.
What he does with that info is then up to him.

tt

[CHANDLERS WISH]

In reading the heading:- "Strippers, topless barmaids", and referrence to bucks night, i conquer up a "night club" involving women walking around half naked, and strippers dancing to music, clothed and finally un-vailing all clothes.

In addition, these "strippers" place their breasts in the face of a man, and place the mans head in the crease, fold of her breasts in return for money, or in the hope to gain extra money.

It is a random selection of male, of course if he is sitting close by, a good lotterty that he would/could be chosen out of the audiance..

In addition, they may bend over, use polls all in the art of "dancing", "entertaining" for a living.

Talk Time suggests another angle to "stripping" usually however, located in a "private room" of a club, and referred to as lap dancing.

This does pose a different question i think and perhaps even a different answer of whether it is cheating or not as it's my understanding that you can "choose" to have a lap dance and pay, or not choose to do so.

I personally in that scenario would want my man to be "respectful" there and choose not to but enjoy of course participating in the fun of being a "watcher" and laughter of his mates...

Lap-dancing i haven't seen, and in America as well it may be totally different than Australia...

It may be interesting to view points based on knowledge of what is involved in the latter.

Good point i think...

CW

[Guest]

most people define "cheating" as a sexual affair - involving intercourse.

you really have to determine what your perspective is on cheating. if it's the above, then - obviously, watching strippers isn't cheating.

what is the spirit of your marriage vows? probably there wasn't an explicit statement that you promise not to look at strippers.

but i would argue that, regardless of how they're worded exactly, the intent of words like "honor," "cherish," & "love" describe a lifelong relationship in which both partners would turn their romantic passion & sexual attention on one another exclusively.

biology will dictate that we cannot help but notice the opposite sex - especially the way its flaunted before us today. but the purposeful & willing choice to pick one person to love & honor forever dictates that - when we notice the opposite sex - we fight any urge to pursue that.

i just can't reconcile how i'm honoring my wife when i go to a strip club & bathe other women's naked bodies with my eyes, celebrating their beauty. how am i cherishing my hunger for her when i'm going out with the intent to hunger for someone else?

is it cheating? not in the traditional sense. but is it dishonoring the sanctity of my relationship with my wife? absolutely.

there is an intimacy that the 2 of us should share - and only the 2 of us. that intimacy should be more than just rubbing body parts. it should be a path that runs between us where all of our sexuality & desire flows out to one another - and it should be off limits to anyone else.

maybe i can't help but look at the hot young thong on the beach. i can help staring though. i can't do much about the 1st look - i can do everything about the 2nd one though. it's not any more fun that saying no to a 3rd beer when i have to drive.

but it's entirely possible.

and the only responsible thing to do.

[Fallen1]

Is it cheating? No, I wouldn't classify it as cheating, but as whilhelm mentioned does it hold to honoring/cherishing that a wife or husband should show their partner?

I believe that if you've never had a conversation with your significant other discussing what you think is acceptable in your relationship then you need to.

[rcoreyus]

I'm not sure the word really matters that much, it is hard to come up with a definition that doesn't have important exceptions.

To me what matters is the understanding in the relationship of what is or is not accceptable. Even if this hasn't been discussed, most people have a pretty good idea of what is OK.

[Guest]

another important part of this discussion is the concept that certain behavior might be acceptable to our spouses -

but it still might not be okay behavior.

my spouse is not the gatekeeper for what is right/wrong - some situations that are void of any moral implications may be left up to just making our spouses happy.

but just because my wife is okay with me drinking 7 beers a night doesn't indicate that i should do that. in that case, i should make a choice based on what i know to be right/wrong, not on what i can get away with in my marriage.

same is true for strippers. it either honors my wife or it doesn't. it doesn't really matter whether she's okay with it.

if it dishonors her, i should choose not to do it even if she doesn't care.

[rcoreyus]

Is there an argument that behavior that harms no one is wrong? Certainly if you youself think watching strippers is wrong, you shouldn't do it even if it is OK with your spouse. But if your spouse (really) doesn't mind, and you have no moral objections of your own, why not?