[talk time]

My fiance and I have both been married before. We have been together for over two years and living together for for for 8 mths. We are getting married in a few mths.

Our relationship is very good and neither of us have ever been so happy.

When we first got together he told me that his ex girlfriend, with which he has a child, had cheated on him. Which I know to be true from other sources. he also told me at the begining of our relationship that he had never cheated on anyone.

He has since told me that he had infact cheated on his wife, with his ex girlfriend. If he had told me this at the beginning of our relationship I wouldn't have gotten into a relationship with him.

He says he has learnt from his mistakes and felt the other edge of the sword, so to speak, when his ex girlfriend cheated on him.

He was totally devastated when she cheated on him and embarked on a process of self discovery with counselling and years of self reflection before embarking on other relatiopnships. I believe he has truely learnt the pain that this form of deciet causes and he has never shown any signs of being unfaithful in our relationship.

I have read many posts here that believe that once a cheater always a cheater.

I believe in him and our relationship.

I am just interested in what others think about this scenario.

tt

[Fallen1]

I do not believe once a cheater always a cheater holds true in all cases.

I think it all depends on the character of the person that cheated and the circumstances involved in event. People might say - "character, well their character is pretty sorry if they cheat" Well that is true in some cases, in some it isn't. You have to look at the reasons behind what made that person do it, i.e. hows their home life etc. Yes I understand that it is ultimately their decision to cheat but sometimes circumstances will push a person into doing something they normally wouldn't do.

Do they feel remorse, do they not. Sometimes people do learn from their mistakes, sometimes they don't.

I just think there's a lot more to it than just saying once a cheater always a cheater.

[maz33]

I don't think once a cheater always a cheater. Depends on circumstances.

[talk time]

Thanks Fallen1 for your words of wisdom.

His first marriage was not ideal. They were both very young, didn't know each other very well and was at least in part a marriage of convenience as it was partly embarked upon so that they could both move to another country together. Needless to say though he still chose to cheat when he was married rather than leave the marriage.

I do understand why he didn't tell me about the cheating when we first got together as he wanted me to get to know him for who he is now. I am also glad that he has been honest with me now and told me what happened as although it is his past, and he is not proud of it, all past expriences make us who we are today.

tt

[rachael24]

I think everyone makes mistakes...I always believe in 2nd chances, but maybe not many more after that.

[Happy1]

Cheating...tricky... Once a cheater always a cheater....thats just annoying. I believe in the good in people. Its very hard to judge someone on their past. Mistakes happen, people do things they wish they hadnt. You shouldnt be upset with him now over something that he did in the past. You said that since he has done things to make him understand that it was wrong. I say that if you are happy, what happened in the past should stay in the past. Be happy, dont worry about it!!

[Fire(m)]

I'm not proud to say it, but I cheated on every girl I ever dated (in a major relationship...say lasting 6 months or more). I never cheated on my wife when we started dating (for over a year) and I haven't cheated on her in the past 22 years.

Frankly, to me there was a time and a place for me to take relationships lightly and there was a time and a place for me to take my relationship seriously.

Personally, I don't know anything about your boyfriend/fiancee, but it sounds to me like he's had enough of cheating.

Good luck.
Cheers.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I believe that people learn from their mistakes. We all make them, it's a matter of whether we learn from them.

Most guys that cheat, don't "care" one Iota about women at that particular time in their life, they may be young and stup1d and not have respect but later learn "respect" and never do it again, boys being boys...

Other's are older and do it, still "no respect" for women full stop as they hurt both parties.

A once off, there can be many reasons for it, feeling so down/low that how low can you go, that low. But they don't do it again.

And, your scenario, he may not have been ready for commitment and couldn't cope, she could have co-orsed him, if he was married and now not, then that relationship wasn't a happy one anyway, not excusing him. But then, when she did it to him, well that was enough for him to say ahh no more, it hurt. He felt the table turn.

The fact that he has told you means he wants you to know. No secrets, perfect communication for a future relationship.

I doubt he would ever burn his fingers twice.

CW

[talk time]

thaks guys, I believe all that you have said.

I believe in him and us as a couple, it is however reasuring to hear from others and that I am not just being niave in my views.

tt