[frustratedRN]

well i have to admit something here. i had an affair with a married man for about 3 months. i am not married, but i do have a serious boyfriend whom i've been with for 4 years. the affair was random-- happened on a whim during an overseas medical mission. why the affair persisted for the few months after was mostly just do to the thrill and excitement of something new.
however the guilt that i feel regarding this is overwhelming. when the affair occured i was going through a rough patch...grandma got really sick, i became a caregiver and was really stressed. my sex drive depleted as my bf and i went from having sex 5 days a week to about 1 - 2 and that was only because i felt bad for not wanting to partake. the affair was kind of a sexual revival if that makes sense. first off we were in another country so it was very spontaneous and random and definitely exciting. i got back my sexual drive and since the passing of my grandma my stress has been relieved and my sex life and thankfully turned around.
with that being said i feel guilty about what happened and have tried to cut off all ties with the other man. he still pursues me though and it makes me sick! i deny him time after time....why does he still want my ? the chase? is he attracted to me? we don't go out on dates or random trips, he doesn't buy me anything we would just have sex and then hang out for a bit.
the way he's acting angers me because in my eyes he is such an a%%hole for what he's doing to his wife behind her back.
i stumbled upon her myspace page and i am so tempted to send her a random email about what happened between him and i....because what we did was wrong and i feel that she should know cuz i'm sure in the future he'll just find someone else...but is that psycho?? help

[CHANDLERS WISH]

frustratedRN
i stumbled upon her myspace page and i am so tempted to send her a random email about what happened between him and i....because what we did was wrong and i feel that she should know cuz i'm sure in the future he'll just find someone else...but is that psycho?? help

I think personally, we can make excuse after excuse as to why we do something that we know in our hearts is wrong..

Sounds like your channelling your "guilt" all onto him so you can deal with your own guilt in the face of your current 4 year boyfriend.

I am always of the opinion, that if we learn by what we do wrong and therefore don't do it again, then there is a form of "lesson learnt"...

Being angry at him and telling his wife, is causing pain for someone's relationship that your not a part of. She's not your friend.

Let it be.

He will get caught out doing it again, if he hasn't done it before, he has a taste of it now...

Change your mobile number so he can't call you.

Good luck with your relationship and understand you need to know that this guy is the guy for you, it's okay to have down times, and feel different as long as you can pick it up again and love who your with and everything about them.

If not, then you didn't have an affair, rather searching for what your missing and need and he may not be the right one for you.

CW

[rcoreyus]

I agree with Chandlers wish.

He may still call you because he really is attracted to you, and I don't mean just physically. He may think that since you are not married, you are not completely committed to your present boyfriend. It is not clear what state his own marriage is really in.

Also, to me, one of the biggest risks with affairs is that you can develop a real emotional connection - and maybe this other man has.