[Joy]

W. Flower,

Sorry you are going thru this in your relationship. If you think there is cheating going on in your relationship you must face it headon and confront the situation. By living in this doubt you are causing yourself such heartache. You are worth so much more then to live in self doubt and in the mean time lowering your self esteem each day. You don't need to look for evidence you need to communicate to your partner. If you feel shut out and worth nothing to your partner you need to do something kind for yourself by loving yourself each day.

You are worth something good luck

[flauwekul]

If only it wasn't so difficult.. to move on, to finally say this is over.

[Muskitos]

Hi,

I have had my husband cheating on me.
I decided to stay with him.
I forced myself to forgive (but of course never forgot).
Taking the decision to stay meant for me also that I would trust him fully again, not spy on him, not be suspicious.
That is not easy, not at all, but the only way to survive.
You simply cannot stay in a relationship where there is no trust. It will kill you and eventually kill the relationship.
So either forgive and go on, or leave. Those are the only options according to me.

[seopsitive2]

I was thinking of looking up some of them newspaper websites, but am glad I came here instead. Although glad is not quite the right word…

_________________________

[Hopeless Dork]

I don't know why men (or women) do this in the first place. If you are not happy with the person you are with so much that you cheat and lie and cover up, why not just break up with them? Why? Because they want to make good and sure that grass is greener before they give up what they have. Because they are lazy, and selfish , and want to use what the one they are with is giving them while they can get it... while still fishing for something bigger and better.

And the one being cheated on? Denial, fits of jealousy and insecurity, denial, denial, denial. Seeing and feeling all of the signs of distance yet wanting concrete evidence before saying enough is enough. Because the hope still lingers that they are wrong.

I don't know why women (and some men) love so hard so fully to people that in no way deserve it. Why put themselves through so much pain. Why the cheater uses 'you don't trust me' as a mask to continue with weird behaviors... I was gone all night for no reason, don't ask me where I was by golly or it means you don't trust me.

[Awoman2]

I don't know why men (or women) do this in the first place. If you are not happy with the person you are with so much that you cheat and lie and cover up, why not just break up with them? Why? Because they want to make good and sure that grass is greener before they give up what they have. Because they are lazy, and selfish , and want to use what the one they are with is giving them while they can get it... while still fishing for something bigger and better.

And the one being cheated on? Denial, fits of jealousy and insecurity, denial, denial, denial. Seeing and feeling all of the signs of distance yet wanting concrete evidence before saying enough is enough. Because the hope still lingers that they are wrong.

I don't know why women (and some men) love so hard so fully to people that in no way deserve it. Why put themselves through so much pain. Why the cheater uses 'you don't trust me' as a mask to continue with weird behaviors... I was gone all night for no reason, don't ask me where I was by golly or it means you don't trust me.

In some cases, the men aren't looking for anything better because they never intend to leave their wives or gf in the first place; they see a woman they get a hard-on for and they chase her. I have been involved (post-marriage) with two men like this, that despite being in relationships they deem to be serious and are live-in, with kids, they will not stay faithful. When I ask if they love their g/f the answer is 'at times' or something equally vague, never an outright 'Yes!'. They even attribute their cheating to their g/f moodiness, or her being annoying at times, or something similar.

As a woman I find that quite offensive since I have found that men can be annoying and moody as well. Aren't all humans subject to these kind of emotions? That doesn't mean I'm going to screw another man, but it's typical to blame someone else for the wrong that you do, and not take responsibility for your own actions.

But I applaud anyone, man or woman who is in an unfulfilling relationship who has the balls to leave that relationship before cheating on their partner in search of a new one. That is my personal philosophy; I'd rather leave than cheat on you.

Of course, all men are not the same, those like I've mentioned above seldom leave a relationship no matter how many times they cheat because they always want a woman to be there whenever they need to be looked after in whatever way. They will never risk leaving their current relationship (nor ever intend to be faithful, mind you) because a woman is like a safety net for them,always there to see to their needs.

I have never cheated on my husband or anyone I was in a committed relationship with. I have never approached a man; it's always the other way around, and it's not because I've put myself out there, flirted, dressed temptingly or anything like that. So it's not like I've tried to attract these men; they've come after me, so they're looking, ladies. It's not always the other woman's fault. In fact as far as I'm concerned its 'never' the other woman's fault. Anyone who is in a relationship has a responsibility to his/her partner; the man or woman on the street who becomes the lover does not.

I just think some of these men are big, spoiled babies who want their woman at home, always there for them, but will fool around at the opportunity to do so, and i don't mean for any short time either, like a fling, but rather as long as they can get away with it. What's worse is that some of these women know they're being cheated on but think they've got some special hold on this man and he won't leave them, so they put up with it. They think he'll always come home to them, etc, but at what cost. I think that's ridiculous, and I'd never settle for that; sometimes these men 'do' leave for greener grass (especially depending on the kind of woman they run into, someone more influential than you, but the problem with humans is that nothing is ever enough.

As for all this PI stuff and searching drawers, trailing men at night, etc, I do not have precious time for that. No man is worth that to me. Some of us are pretty sure when our man is cheating; most of us just like to live in denial, tho. Yeah, maybe the grass is always greener on the other side so why stay in a relationship where you live in constant doubt and misery; go look for that greener grass; apparently he already may be doing so.

[happy ending]

or you could make the decision to trust the man you are with.