[CHANDLERS WISH]

Thanks wildchild it has been a tough past few days. Whenever hes not by my side im wondering and worrying. thats my biggest fear making him pay for what my dad did. I love him to much to put him there. I honestly cant see myself without him. We spend good QT. in the summer in the evening after work we would turn off the TV and just sit on the bed and talk about everything past relationships parents everything. Even Friends that were going thru tough times. But I feel like Enrico (my husband) is my best friend. I can truly talk to him. But I dont want to keep bring up this issue you know beating a dead horse. I try to just leave it I will like up that book.

I don't know what your Dad did. But, he was "flirting" and he believed that he wasn't "cheating" and then he cried. Sure, he tried to cover up, with but, but, but, blame, blame, blame, he is a man.

He is a great communicator and you do love him, you are not revengeful like you were before you married him.

Something worth working on is worth walking on, you can truly talk to him and visa versa... Leave the dead book and work on being more than just best friends.

He obviously loves you, and needed to flirt, you need to ask why. We get so complacent in a marriage/relationship, yes there are cheaters that don't give a shirt about the S/0 but there are those that do, but a little something is missing and so they see no harm in accepting a little flirting.

You two need a bit of romance in your life. He knows full well you will NOT put up with infidelity,you WILL walk, so you have your ground rules and remember...

WOMEN are usually, the batting of the eyelids, wear a nice skirt, seek attention, can i get him attracted to me, mostly as a game, sometimes for what they are missing in their life and they don't give a damd whom they hurt in the process.

I would say this Woman have him a few things to think about and played the game.

Work on your marriage i have a feeling it is worth it and can be jumped over.

CW

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I have a hard time with this one. This with my spouse started with a "friend" at work. Now, he thinks he is in love with her and wants to be with her. I even talked to her on the phone when all this started, and she even told me that she did not think it was right that she and I meet!!! That he and her are friends, not, me, him and her...WELL...you can only imagine what I told him. IF she did only want to be friends, she would have no problem meeting me. Am I wrong about that?? Well, a year has come and gone, we are, for now, still married, she has lost her job, a dang good job, for nearly killing a patient, a 40ish y/o man that is now in a nursing home, in the process of being sued by the family, the county that she worked for, and now has met a new man and is pregnant!!! But, you know, my spouse says she is the way she is because of how men in her life have treated her, because her parents got divorced when she was a child...etc...etc...etc. He feels sorry for her, pays her bills and sends her money to help her make ends meet. I AM OR WHAT??? WHY DO I NOT SEE THE WRITING ON THE WALL IN FRONT OF ME??? HE DOES NOT WANT TO BE WITH ME, HE SEES HER AS SOMEONE HE CAN SAVE...ITS NOT LOVE...ITS PITY.
I pity both of them.







How Can I Be So ......

Kim,

ahhh, 4 posts ( I merged them all) ... I sensed your anger as you copied, pasted , sent, wrote 3 words, sent, wrote again oops lost it sent, and then wrote a couple more words sent.

This is wrong.

Yes, he pities her, but she is not his responsibility and you are his wife and you and him need every cent you have for you...

She has another man, pregnant, and about to be sued, he has no right to be giving her anything, she has someone in her life, he has someone...

She is a "taker" no need to meet you at all, you are not her friend, he is " take" forget that your his wife.

She is a "taker" accepting his money, yet she has someone in her life.

Forget what happened when she was young we all have had problems in our life for goodness sake.

Tell your husband that you are his wife, those dollars he spends on her can be spent on you both having dinner somewhere nice, if he wants to save the world, fine, sponsor a child - an orphan in another country and help them eat.

Ask him, "what" has she given you? "what" has she offered you?

She is a taker and not a true friend... Friends are visa/versa 50/50 and meet the other persons wife/ husband because it is after all only a friendship. Get a grip and understand your being used ( husband).

And, frankly, don't accept it any more either, economy is tight, paying mortgages is hard. This is your "joint" life, she is not his grown up daughter, sister, cousin....

I don't know what else to say, I would not put up with it at all, i would not accept my money going out the door to someone who is a user and someone I don't know who can get it elsewhere ie) her new man and probably is being supported by him as well, and maybe another guy who she texts all the time... good scam i think.

CW

[Charlie_Nugent]

I hope this does not sound like a cop out but sometimes men and women view "trust" and "affairs" differently. Let me use myself as an example. My wife and I have been happily married for 15 years. I trust her so I do not need to know who she talks to, has lunch with or flirts with. In fact, I dont want to know. I am happier not knowing. I figured it would be the same with me. That she too would care less. I was wrong. It mattered to her. Text messages meant nothing to me; flirting on FB meant nothing. To me, as long as there was no sex, no kissing or hand holding, I was faithful. Most men that I know think like I do. To my wife, though, I broke her trust by engaging in text messages with another girl. Like you and your man, we had a big blow out. Then, I finally understood her perspective. I did not think that I was being unfaithful, but because it was important to her, I ceased the activity that hurt her. It took a good six months before she started trusting me again, but at least we understand each other better now. So, I say if your guy is basically good for you, explain again how the texting makes you feel, and then give him another chance. He probably did not see it as a big deal, like me, because he was not physical with her. For us men, having an affair is physical. For my wife, an affair is both physical and mental. To her, flirting on FB or texting is just as bad as a kiss. Your man, like me, will more than likely respect your feelings and try to cease the activity. Good luck!

[Stillness]

I hope this does not sound like a cop out but sometimes men and women view "trust" and "affairs" differently.

Really? I don't think so. Women have been tolerating their husbands second wives, concubines, and mistresses for millennia. That has involved physical and emotional sharing. Men have typically not been as tolerant. I know I'm not.

I'm thinking it's more an individual thing as opposed to gender. In favor of your theory, my wife has exhibited some jealousy over issues that I didn't expect a couple of times. Once when I was watching pornography and a second time when she found out that I find other women attractive. I think that some of that jealousy may be uniquely feminine.

In before the thread close!

[bridalmentor]

Once a cheater always a cheater. If he doesn't respect you and your marriage enough to stay faithful then that's a major problem. You deserve better. Let him go with that girl.

Good luck.

[BabyGirl]

In before the thread close!

Lol Stillness.
Yeah this is a almost a 5 year old thread.

I try to make sure the Poster is still around to get any advise needed or at least the thread is current.
Though there is very good advise that can be read on Closed Threads too, if we do the Research.
It does seem a moot point to try and help someone that is long gone .

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Ah, the WH's funny people

Welcome Charlie I think the actual topic is interesting.

Interesting that my fiancé text messages one of his ex-staff, female. I had this horrid gut feeling and had a tad of jealousy in me, couldn't work out why I mean he wouldn't stray in any way physically if you paid him... I would tell him, "ah, talking to your girlfriend"

Turned out, one day she decided to spill. She had been having an affair with his work partner for nearly two years..

Let's just say, women have wicked intuition......................

Perhaps Charlie you should start a thread on the said topic, we can always move these posts over to it

Under Stillness's instructions Thread closed.

Old thread started in 2008 OP has not come back.