[MissLila]

I have been dating this guy for 8 months and we live together. I am on birth control and I let him finish in me all the time. However, the BC is noticeably messing with my hormones. Since the beginning of our relationship, I turn into a basket case once a week. I know it is my BC, I was fine before we started sleeping together, which was the reason I went on BC in the first place. It is messing with my life and my future. I can't stand being sad, moody and angry all the time. Now I want to consider haulting my BC. Then I will have to tell him that he can no longer finish in me. I feel like I have given him everything and there is no reason for him to ever marry me. Men used to marry women so they could sleep with them, but I let this guy finish in me all the time and he has never said a word about marrying me. I want to tell him NO MORE finishing in me. That is something married people do. I am sick of worrying every month whether or not my BC has worked. And I am really tired of being so **** unstable. I am on the Nuvaring, and towards the end of my ring free week I feel amazing. I think it is because the hormones aren't pumping heavily into my system. I don't know how to explain it to this guy. I have weighed the pros and cons of being on BC, and all the pros seem to benefit him and I get stuck with the cons...the moodiness, thinking I'm pregnant because I am lactating or I am dizzy, wondering if the BC worked this month, etc. It is a constant stress! I can't even make day-to-day decisions because I am always thinking I am pregnant and so worried about which move to make next. He doesn't have to worry about a thing AND he gets to finish in me. Is it too much to say to him that he can no longer finish in me because I don't want to be on BC? I rather have him take responsibility with me and not finish in me and use condoms every time! He can finish in me all the time if he wants to marry me... I'm 25 and I am starting to believe that it is not natural to try to control our cycles. I think we were made to make love and have babies. It stresses me out so much. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about this because people tell me I am not ready to have children and that it would be stupid of me to stop using BC. But isn't my sanity and future more important? Can't my boyfriend and I be responsible adults and be aware and use protection every time?? Maybe we have sex too much? Should I say no more? The last thing I want to do is drive him away...

[KMonte85]

Why don't you go to your doctor and talk about switching to a low-estrogen BC? Or, perhaps you're just one of those people whose body can't handle the hormones and needs to seek non-hormonal options. there are plenty out there - it's not like you're either stuck on hormonal BC or you're getting pregnant. Do a little research on what is available to you.

It seems like there are two issues going on here. One is your issue with BC, but the other underlying issue is your dissatisfaction (almost resentment) with your boyfriend. If you don't want him to ejaculate in you anymore because that's the reason you're on BC and it's messing with you too much, then tell him so. If you want to marry him, but he hasn't spoken a word about it, then speak up and say you want to talk to him about what you're plans for your future together will be. You hold the reins. Stop being a passive player in your own life, step up and speak up.

[rosekitten]

I don't know that after 8 months of dating you should be expecting marriage. If you don't want him to finish inside you, then say something to him about it. Just tell him you'd like to come off BC, so he should start buying condoms. However, I don't think I would approach it like this: "We aren't married, so you're aren't allowed. If you want to finish, you should marry me" because it's very likely he will leave. We aren't in the "old days" and men don't just automatically assume that if there is sex involved, that marriage is expected as well.

[Ashlee T.]

While I was on hormonal birth control and experiencing lots of very unfavorable side effects, I grew painfully resentful of whomever I was dating and sleeping with. I thought to myself "I am going through all this so HE doesn't have to wear a condom because he "doesn't like the way it feels". And that was pretty much the truth. I was going through h e double L and back physically and emotionally so that HE could have uninhibited sex with me whenever he wanted and not having to wear a condom. And I said that, because birth control also took away my sex drive, so it got to the point that I was only having sex for him anyway...not because I really even wanted to.

I also grew resentful because he knew what I was going through, he knew how miserable I was and he never not once was concerned enough for my well being to put aside his own selfishness and say "Go off that stuff......I'll gladly use condoms if that means you feeling better.". He didn't....ever. So finally, after switching and switching and switching pills, I said "no more". And I decided at that point that NOTHING was worth my spending my life feeling unlike myself and miserable and that any man in my life would either have be supportive of that, or find another gal. 2 years later, hormonal bc free, I still feel that same way. I felt like myself again for the first time in almost 10 years.

As KM said, it may be worth talking to your doctor and considering trying out something new like Lo-Loestrin (suppsoedly the lowest dose bc out there). Going off bc is not something you want to do if you do not have the self discipline to say NO to sex without a condom. But if you ARE tough enough to stick to your guns about it, then I say go for it. You're young...you should be energetic and enthusiastic about life. Don't let that be taken away from you just so you can have unprotected sex.

[shoshannah]

If you don't want him to finish in you, that is your right. Just tell him that you are sacrificing too much in order for him to do that--bad birth control side effects plus fear of pregnancy. If he's worth keeping around he will understand. My boyfriend always finishes in me even though we aren't married, but we both have a high level of commitment to each other and will probably be engaged soon--without that I would probably be as reluctant as you to have this going on.

Keep in mind that there are different brands of pill and that one of them may work for you, but it may take a few tries to find it. There are also condoms, diaphragm, etc. Maybe you can find something that works.

[lizzardb63]

I went through basically the exact same thing as you. If he truly cares for you, he'll understand and use another form of birth control with you. If he hits the road, then he was not the right person for you. I just explained to my boyfriend (my fiance now) that I can't stand having mood swings, being depressed, and down right grouchy constantly and it really was ruining our relationship and he said if I needed to stop taking the pill in order to be happy again and make things better with him, then give it a shot. I went off it and things went back to being good again. We use condoms now. I've recently tried a female condom, which I now prefer over male condoms. It gives it that feel that he is coming directly in you (to him), because they don't restrict him at all. You push it up inside and it has a little ring at the end that goes in place behind that wall (can't remember the name of it!) inside. It stays in place. I like it too, because we can have sex for longer without me getting sore. There are other options and I truly believe that if he cares about you, and you're thinking you might want to marry this guy and he wants to marry you some day, then you'll work it out together. The responsibility shouldn't be all on your shoulders. And just for the record, I don't think there is anything wrong with thinking about marriage after 8 months. If you have a great relationship and you love each other, then there's nothing wrong with thinking about it.