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Depo Provera is killing my girlfriend and ruined our Relationship

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  • Depo Provera is killing my girlfriend and ruined our Relationship

    Ok to start off my name is Mitchell, I am 24 years old from MI. Over three years ago I met someone who I thought could never exist, for privacy's sake Ill use her nick name as Dani. She is 22 years old about 140lb and 5'9 height and has a healthy diet.

    Im not the best writer and this post may be to long so bare with me, I just feel like I have no where else to turn. So if you have had a bad experience with the Depo shot please read.

    I guess what I am trying to ask is have any women in relationships experienced emotional side effects from the depo shot? Such as, loss of love, loss of affection, doubtful of your feelings and the future of your relationship, not being able to control your feelings, not wanting to be touched, low sex drive, anxiety, and severe depression.

    Also physical side effects such as. Frequent nausea, vomiting, severe cramping with periods, heavy flow, hot flashes, fatigue, brain fog, IBS, random spotting, insomnia, irritability, ocular migraines, and trouble in the sleep cycle.

    BACK STORY
    When Dani and I first met in 2013 our love was the greatest thing to ever happen to us. I mean I cant be more sincere and impartial about how good we felt towards each other. Our attitude toward each other was so good we could do everything or nothing and still feel great while we hung out. We would talk to each other about everything and how we both thought this was ment to be. Our conversations were deep and meaningful and really helped us both grow. Also our intimate life was amazing, it was like our souls were merging every time. Then one night Dani told me that she didn't believe in true love but now she could see that this was real. My heart was filled with joy as I to thought I would never find love. She really made me into a better person. For the first two years of our relationship we didn't live together, but would spend 2 to 3 days a week hanging out, going on dates, dinner, movies, activities, ect. Life was so good at that point.

    Then it happened. Since Dani was 14 she had to be on birth control for severe cramps, headaches, and IBS. So she has been on pretty much every type of contraceptive out there. A little more then a year ago, about 2 years into our relationship, her GYNO suggested the Depo shot. Dani was hesitant at first but I told her I would stand by her and help her as much as I could. She got her first shot and everything seemed to be ok for about the first month. Then she changed drastically, at first it was the mood swings and being tired with constant migraines, random spotting, she couldn't sleep or really do much because her cycle was so out of wack. That went on for some time until her second shot and then her depression went quickly down hill. I felt awful for her because she was in such a bad place and all I wanted to do was help. Her emotion and affection soon started to go away and we stopped being intimate, less kissing, cuddling seemed to make her uncomfortable and she wouldn't call or talk like we used to. I was fine with no sex honestly I didnt want to pressure her but, what got to me was that the love of my life, this bright light of a person was starting to fade. I felt so crushed and helpless....She would tell me that its just her being in a bad place and that she really did appreciate all that I did for her. She would break down crying sometimes telling me how she felt guilty for not being able to contribute to our relationship. Every time that happened I would empathize with her and say that its ok and we can get through this. I cant tell you how many doctors visits, runs to the drug store, and other appointments we went to. I was happy to take her because I just wanted to see her get better.

    Just after her 4th shot she was starting to bleed alot, have visual migraines, and was really irritable. Time went on and She started to have less physical problems but the emotional issues were still there eating at her day and night. Finally her one Year was up and she decided not to go back on the DEPO SHOT. We thought things would get better as the drug made its way out of her system and gradually they did but the emotional damage was done. She ended up moving back to her parents because life was getting hard. Her rents house is alot closer to my house and made it easier to see each other and I was happy about that because her parents could help her and they truly accepted me into the family and loved me like a son.

    A week ago she broke it to me sobbing with tears in her eyes that she wants to love me more then anything and feel those feelings again but she couldn't change the way she felt. She told me that she doesn't know what happened to cause this and that ive been the best boyfriend she could ask for and I didn't do anything wrong but still she cant feel in love anymore. We talked for hours and tore our hearts out but still she thought in the end that It wouldn't ever be the same. We broke up after that talk. Now I am lost, crushed, and empty because neither of us thought this could happen. Especially because of a unknown reason.

    So if you have read this far and have had a similar experience, I am in desperate need of real testimonies to show her that she is not alone in this. I have done research on countless feminine health sites, forums and blogs and have found out that a vast portion of women have similar symptoms at some point in time while on the depo. I understand that everyones body is different and that this might not happen to everyone. But when I do read someones post about this its like im reading about the last year of Dani and I's life.

    Please I am in dire need of answers. I don't know how long it takes for the drug to get out her system (Ive heard anywhere from 3 to 10 months), or when she will get her feelings back. Does anyone have experience in this? does it get better? Will love find a way?

    If you do reply please do so as if you were talking to her. I want to show her that she isnt alone in this fight and that this can work. Im really scared for her because her mom keeps calling me about how its getting worse.

    thank you so very much - Mitchell
    Last edited by Mitchell616; 09-17-2017, 03:28 PM.

  • Mitchell, I'm so sorry for the situation. I can sense the deep connection you have to her, and your desire to find answers is so passionate and sincere.

    I can't really share a personal story but, I do know many other women have had serious problems with the shot.

    To clarify:
    It's been a year, since she stopped the shots?
    And you're still in contact with her mom since the break-up? And she has just recently said that she is getting worse?

    Have they checked her hormones recently to see if anything is severely out of balance?

    I know it's difficult to imagine and this isn't what you want to think about, but have you considered the possibility that it is not all due to the shot? Have you considered that she has just changed? Many people change dramatically in their early 20's.
    I hate to be too negative, but it may be coincidental timing with the shot.

    It could also be that the shot simply erupted an already brewing hormonal issue in her body, one that may just be "her". That may or may not be reversible.

    Mitchell I bring this up because I am concerned that you'll wait for her to be the person that you want her to be again, and you may miss out on what life has in store for you. At this point, you're broken up. You've done an amazing job of trying to find help, and HOPE for her. Do what you can, but keep in mind that you may be unable to fix this. Set a boundary for yourself. She will be the one that needs to do the work or seek the resources to help herself. You cannot do it for her.

    I hope this can be resolved, and I hope the magical relationship is restored. It is so hurtful to experience that beautiful relationship and lose it. You may never be the same, or approach relationships the same way again. Please be careful with your own heart.

    Comment


    • Hi atskitty2, Ill clarify. its been about 3 months that she has been off of it I think, not sure the exact date she took the first shot. But yes her mom contacts me on and off about and most of it is her being concerned about how Dani is doing and how she seems to be shutting everyone out of her life. I mean I understand that she is going through alot and probably doesn't want to be around people. It just scares me to get these little depressing facts from her mom and not being able to help.

      Im sure her docters have checked the hormones but Im kinda out of the loop now.

      Yeah I did consider that at first and I know changing happens to people but, it was like turning off a light switch all of a sudden. I mean her mom and sister the two closest people to her in the family are really scared because they see it happening to. I really cant explain how all of a sudden she just turned into someone else. Im sure her hormones are really messing with her, and she cant change how that makes her feel. I dont know anymore Ive accepted the fact that this is something that she has to do on her own and that I may have just been causing her more stress.

      I just dont know if I should contact her in a week or so, or give her more time to fix herself. Like I dont want to push her away or make her think that im needy, but at the same time I dont want her to forget about me if she does start to get better and have it be to late to reach out to her.

      Thanks so much for talking to me.

      Comment


      • Well, I've had a hormonal shift so drastic that my whole personality changed. I was a mess. It can and does happen.

        If it's been only 3 months since the last shot, and you only broke up a week ago, I'd give it more time. This hormonal business takes time. Her body is way out of balance and she may be many more months to regulate hormones, then another period of time for her to mentally adjust and reacquaint herself with her own thoughts. It's an ordeal.

        Keep us posted. I'm glad her family is looking out for her. Please also, don't lose yourself in the worry and wait. Live in the moment and continue your life as planned.

        Comment


        • Yeah thats what Ive been seeing alot of on different sites. I'll just have to give it some time. Hormonal issues is all new to me so I will keep you Posted!

          Comment


          • Mitchell, I think Kitty hit all the main points. Often when the magic in a relationship is gone it cannot be rekindled. I'm sorry to hear of your situation.
            I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
            ...
            Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

            From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

            Comment


            • Hi there Mitchell !

              I don’t know where you are both at in your relationship right now as i have seen that this was posted a couple of months ago. I was actually just googling and doing some research myself on this Depo shot. I’m Tay and I recently got th depo shot only two weeks ago and it has affected me drastically. My relationship was also like how you described. Myself and my partner, we were perfect together, it felt like a soul connection. I have never felt closer to him than anyone else. I was cuddly, affection, thoughtful, a happy content stress free person etc etc.

              Then I had the depo shot. I feel depressed some days. Negative thoughts. Extremely irritable. Mood swings from anger to tears. Always feel so stressed. Tired, headaches.

              The shot is turning me against my partner. Most of the time I want left alone. Being cuddled or touched irritates me to the point it makes my skin crawl. I’m being as brutally honest as I can. I hate it. I can’t stand him. Little things that never bothered me before, drive me insane now. Right now, I want to be on my own. I’ve lost myself and the love I had for my partner.

              This shot needs to be taken off the market immediately. The irony! You take this shot to be intimate with your partner, and to protect yourself from getting caught pregnant. Yet, you lose your sex drive completely.

              I hope this helps. I can assure you I will not be getting the shot done again.


              Tay

              Comment


              • So sorry to hear of your situation Tay. I am so glad I went off hormonal birth control years ago, and never took this injection.

                I hope your moods and all these changes normalize in a few months and your life returns to normal. Unfortunately I've heard this story many times over. Many hugs.

                Comment

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