Is Childfree Right For Me?

[Ashlee T.]

Are you conflicted with the decision of whether being childfree is right for you? Or, you already know deep inside but are struggling with guilt or pressure?

This forum discussion and the women talking about this topic, are here to help you figure it all out and reconcile whatever decision is right for you.

To help lay the foundation for this discussion, Dr. Christie Hartman (who sits on our medical review board) wrote an article about her choice to remain childfree, her decisions for doing so, along with ways you can weigh the pros and cons for yourself.

You can read the entire article here:

https://www.womens-health.com/childfree-by-choice

There’s probably nothing as stressful or that has as deep an impact as the “forever” choice of whether or not you want to have a baby.

So, if you’ve ever questioned whether you should have children or not, are struggling with this dilemma right now, or maybe you’ve already decided that being childfree is the right decision for you, lend your voice to the discussion.

[Popcorn&Candy]

I will tell you, Ashlee T. that I would love to have children. But I have not met the right man yet. However, there is still time. I am 38 years old but am aware of the ticking clock. I'd really love two daughters. Although, of course, no one gets to choose. Still, I am hopeful of meeting a man I'm attracted to. I just have to continue to go out into the world and go for it.

A close friend of mine has had her son two years ago. She is around the same age. I don't think she'll have more children, though: which is a long story.

Kids are wonderful, and I know are hard work, but they are worth every moment. I definitely will carry on going out into the world to find that special man.

[jns]

PandC, as women get older, their eggs become less viable and have more defects. Have you considered freezing some of your eggs in case it takes a few years to find a guy you like or if you decide to become a single parent.

[Ashlee T.]

Popcorn&Candy - That's a great attitude to have. I have seen so many women who are on a quest to have children by a certain age and so many of them settle into a relationship that is less than stellar just so they can achieve that goal! I, too, have always had the viewpoint that if it happens in time, great....but if it doesn't, adoption or egg freezing as jns mentioned is an option!

[KMR719]

This is such an important topic for women to open up about. I made the decision to be child-free. Being a mother is not something that I ever dreamed about or felt was the right path for me. Knowing that, I thought I could make the decision without guilt or shame, but that hasn't been the case. It's been an ongoing battle against self-doubt and wondering if everyone else is right that I'll "change my mind". Women need to be willing to discuss this and support one another.

[Ashlee T.]

KMR719 - Welcome to WHI! You are so right. Discussion's like these start with women, like yourself, who are brave enough to speak about their own experiences. So thank you for that!

It sounds like your experience has been much like our writer, Christie's, in that you have just always had a feeling that having children wasn't right for you. Even with that deep knowing, I think it is still almost impossible to not have some times of self-doubt.

While I have not personally decided to be childfree - I just haven't had children yet, I might...I might not... I can definitely relate to the feeling of, "what if I don't have kids and regret it when it's too late?" But, I always tell myself that so many children need homes and I would love to give a child in need a loving home. One thing I loved about Christie's article is that she points out that there are many ways to mother, aside from giving birth. And there is an important and much-needed place in this world for all of us.

I also think that where you live plays a big factor in how acceptable the childfree choice is. Do you think your self-doubt has been spurred on mostly from your own internal dialogue, or from the even subtle pressures of others?

Thank you for sharing with us!

[Popcorn&Candy]

I'm happy for you, amy40. It is wonderful you've done so much with your life. Children should always be a blessing, as yours is.

[Popcorn&Candy]

I do love kids. They can be hard to raise but must be worth every moment. And to see them grow into happy and healthy adults is the goal.

A brilliant thread!

[Lucille]

I'm so glad we live in a time where it's now more socially acceptable if a woman doesn't want to have children.

[Maximus]

Definitely a very important decision.
Whatever that decision still remains to live with it...Sometimes it's not a decision, but rather a sequence of events.
Which ever embracing is the most harmonious path.

I have come across women for which I felt sorry for their children, reversely I have met amazing women who wanted to have children, but it didn't happen...somewhat a life's lottery.