[Tanikit]

I have been married for three years and had a daughter 2 years ago. I also breastfed her for 26 months managing to keep my period away til she was 18 months old. I get PMDD that makes me suicidal every month and this month was its worst - I nearly destroy my marriage every time this happens because I tell my husband I hate him and I want to leave. He told me two days ago that this was unbearable and one of us should perhaps go away for a while. I had spotting this month for three days before my period actually started and so I kept thinking it was starting and things would get better and it just kept getting worse.

It is better now, but it will take my husband and I at least a week or two to get over what happened the last few days and by then it will be almost time for the next round to start. I am not on birth control at the moment as I want to have another baby, but have been in a psychiatric hospital for severe depression early in December (not related to the PMDD) I have had SSRIs for depression before and they do not work for me - not for the PMDD or the depression. I am now on another type of antidepressant (Molipaxin) and it clearly does not work for the PMDD either.

I feel totally out of control when I have it - my thoughts are irrational, my behaviour is crazy and all the time I know this but cannot change it. The only reason I have not acted on my thoughts is that I keep telling myself it will be better in a few days, but if my husband leaves me it won't be and he cannot keep putting up with this. I am worried that the medication I will be put on for the depression will be bad for falling pregnant and I am worried that if I remain off the pill too long then my marriage will be destroyed and I will not be able to have more children anyway.

I am wondering if it is possible to be on two anti depressants - one for the depression and one for the PMDD only at the correct time of month. I also wondered if anyone has had their hormone levels checked to see if they are abnormal - I have done temperature charting and my temperatures seem to change to a very significant extent after I ovulate.

Any help in dealing with this or possible suggestions please help!

[DavidP]

Understanding...

Hi,

I'm male and my partner has been diagnosed with PMDD.

Her symptoms vary too and it is incredibly difficult to cope with - all members of the family are affected.

Today she is acting incredibly irrationally, blaming me for everything that has gone wrong and threatening to commit suicide later.

I've tried to support her but she picks on me and my eldest daughter (not hers) constantly.

Feeling quite 'at the end of my tether' right now and not sure what to do.

Her latest comment (shouted at me while crying hysterically) was;

"you go out with J*** and I'll stay with N***. When you come back I'll go out and not come back"

She tries to maintain a 'friendly' face to everyone else (even her close friends) and won't talk to anyone. It took a long time for me to convince her to see her GP!

The GP prescribed antidepressants but she doesn't take them regularly so they don't help. I've mentioned this to no avail.

I'm on the verge of leaving with my eldest daughter because this seems to be the only way of breaking the cycle of agression and distress.

So ... sorry - there doesn't seem to be an easy answer for anyone in these situations.

David

[Bobbityboo]

Are you trying to have another baby so as to postpone the pmdd??
Please think about what these children are going to experience as they grow up with- or if you should go through with these thoughts- without you.

[Tanikit]

No, that would never be my reasoning for having another child. I have wanted to be a mother since I was very small and have an incredibly strong desire to be a mother. I am doing my utmnost best to be the best mother I can - even though when things get really bad I have to hand my child over to my hsuband and get out of her way to be the best parent I can be - and that is very hard for me.

I have to say though that no one blames my mother for having me - I am diabetic and suffer depression and pmdd. I had to grow up in a household that was far from ideal as do many children and no one me included say that I should not have been born. So why then are people so keen to say I should not have more? I think that is cruel. Obviously I am trying to improve the situation and do my best to get everything under control before having more children (we are using protection at the moment so are not actively trying, but with the diabetes too I want to be able to start trying without the adverse effects of the pill on top of it - when I start actibely trying I need it to happen as soon as possible) That is why I am on here looking for possible answers, not excuses.

I am taking vitamin Bs, omega 3, 5-HTP, eltroxin, a multi vitamin, tre-en-en -anything I can to improve things. Are there some forms of this that never get better no matter what I take? Is it then advisable to have more children as soon as possible and have my ovaries removed? I just want to know what is the best course for both me and my husband and my children.

[carpefula]

I am currently trying out a new pill in order to tackle my PMDD, however I'm feeling slightly nervous about it. I'm worried about the side effects of the pill (it's Micronor); however I should note that I do suffer from relatively severe anxiety so really need to just suck it up and see if this pill solves my problems in the long run.

Anyway, my advice and information would simply be - do not rely solely on anti-depressants. There are many consultants here in the UK (i'm not sure where you are based; would I be right in assuming that this is an American forum?) that starting to move away from SSRIs as the standard treatment for PMDD. They have identified it as a hormonal problem that thus should be treated with hormones.

*outbound link removed*Professor John Studd: Consultant Gynaecologist, Osteoporosis Screening, Menopause and PMS, London <<< for example, this chap. I really recommend you read the information on this website regarding PMDD and hormonal treatments.

Perhaps this is something you could mention to your doc? You see, the reason the pill is used to treat PMDD is because it supresses ovulation, and thus suppresses the hormonal changes that occur and send us bonkers. An alternative to this (especially if you want to get pregnant) is hormonal treatment that does a similar thing but isn't a contraceptive. I am not completely sure how this works, but do ask your doc (although probably a gynocologist rather than your GP).

Regarding your wish to get pregnant; I would respectfully suggest that you seek all appropriate medical help with the PMDD first. Think about how your improved health will change your life! And then think about how great it would be to bring a child into your life THEN. I think it would be much better. Sometimes we have to exercise our rationale over our maternal instincts - which of course can be strong so you can't be blamed for feeling how you do :-)

GOOD LUCK - I know exactly what you are going through.

[RPP]

I need some PMDD help too.

I've been married to my wife for 11 years and I always thought she was just evil. But maybe she has this PMDD? It's like being married to 2 different people, a total Jykle and Hyde thing. One day kind and loving, the next thing you know, she is a monster. She shreiks and argues, and spews torrents of venom. And because she is closer to you than any other person on earth, such attacks are incredibly painful. It is the worst sort of abuse a fellow can receive. And while this is going on, the phone can ring and she'll chat with an aquantaince as if everything in the world were normal(Jykle). Then hang up and right back at me(Hyde). Once a fit starts, there is never any talking, never any making up or apolgies, never even discussion of any type for 10 days to 2 weeks (which -better late than never- got me thinking in the menstrual direction and hence this message board.)

Then suddenly one day she is normal again and acts as if nothing happened. We haven't had sex in many years (I can't be intimate with someone who causes me so much pain and anquish) and I also moved into my own bedroom. I guess I have been trying to grow apart to escape. But anyway, because of this, I have no way of knowing when her cycle is. She says sometimes she is crampy, but nothing that seems out of the ordinary to me. Sleep, eating, work patterns all seem unchanged. I have never seen my wife cry in my life. Just the horrible, awful, unending anger...

We have no kids. If I left it would be finacial ruin for her and very bad for me, and divorce is a big no-no, so I stay. But I hate my life. You can't talk to her about it either. When she is better she tries to talk me into coming into her bed (just to sleep). I never want to, but I don't want to hurt her, so I do. But then I always pay the price. Like a smart boxer, she draws you in close in order to deliver another knock out blow.

I am in , and to be honest, I am alittle upset with some women here who post that we husbands just need to be "a little more understanding". Good luck with that. It's just too awful for "understanding"

Does my story resonate with anyone? Does this sound like PMDD.

Help me, please.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

If you haven't had sex for many years, and you sleep in another room, in the same house your marriage was over along time ago.

You can't even be friends because, two people are in a loveless marriage but probably neither want to Divorce for the reasons you've pointed out and so it manifests.

Your angry because you don't have a marriage.
She's angry for the same reason.

It wasn't fixed, when it broke down, it just went into if I can say, the easy way out, move in another room and forget it.

I do feel for the way your being treated, but your solution is either, fix the marriage or end it, because there is obviously alot of resentment there on both of your sides.

You can't be upset over women posting husbands need to be more understanding, because they are talking about in the now.

Your kind of talking about something that broke down years ago, to the extent of two people just living together now.

Do you want the person you married back? Or, have you distaste for her to the degree that you don't simply love her anymore?

You can't live like this for the rest of your life, nor can she.

CW

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hi,

I'm male and my partner has been diagnosed with PMDD.

Her symptoms vary too and it is incredibly difficult to cope with - all members of the family are affected.

Today she is acting incredibly irrationally, blaming me for everything that has gone wrong and threatening to commit suicide later.

I've tried to support her but she picks on me and my eldest daughter (not hers) constantly.

Feeling quite 'at the end of my tether' right now and not sure what to do.

Her latest comment (shouted at me while crying hysterically) was;

"you go out with J*** and I'll stay with N***. When you come back I'll go out and not come back"

She tries to maintain a 'friendly' face to everyone else (even her close friends) and won't talk to anyone. It took a long time for me to convince her to see her GP!

The GP prescribed antidepressants but she doesn't take them regularly so they don't help. I've mentioned this to no avail.

I'm on the verge of leaving with my eldest daughter because this seems to be the only way of breaking the cycle of agression and distress.

So ... sorry - there doesn't seem to be an easy answer for anyone in these situations.

David

It's sad. People have to "want" help.. If it's offered and they don't take it, they're in a rut and you cop it AND they ruin any chance of happiness, whilst in this state.

What I think is needed though is understanding that it is REAL, however, as I said, she has to want to get over it, not, not take medication, advice and ignore it, that's denial.

CW

[RPP]

Yes, I would like nothing more than to have the woman back that I married. When she is "good" (as I privately think of it) she is the best. Kind, loving, funny, engaging. But you can never trust it, because Mr. Hyde is always around the corner. Every bit of confidence shared and trust extended is used as a weapon a few weeks later. And it hurts. A lot. For many many years I thought it was all my fault. I believed the awful things she said, and I tried to be a better husband. Nothing ever worked. I guess I am still searching here to find if this PMDD is what my wife suffers from. How could I surreptitiously gather evidence to build a case? What should I watch for? (It's hard not being a woman, obviously). Maybe this is the wrong tree I am barking up?

[carpefula]

RPP

I do not know that your wife is like so can only give you advice from my perspective (which may not be suited to you, but I hope you could give me advice a try).

My advice would be to, when she is 'being good', ask her about how she feels about the marriage, ask her if she thinks anything needs to change, and if so.. what?

Try to open up the doors of communication and then if this seems to work be honest and tell her you have wondered if she had PMDD.

This probably seems very scary and like the only thing she will do is fly off the handle, but my question would be "what do you have to lose?"

It sounds like the marriage is beyond crisis point, so maybe some make or break communication is all that's left to try? You can't be left with these suspicions, wondering if things could be better if only she got some help.