[Jo_Jo36]

Hello All, I am new and would just like some plain speaking opinions and advice. Be kind, today hasnt been the best day and I am worn out. I know tommorow will be fine, I have been here many times before. But I am sick of it now and the thought of this being my life forever just makes me feel more down.
I am 36, never married, no children and my longest relationship has been 2 years. I started periods at a normal age of 13, a few period pains, a fair bit of PMT/PMS as my body adjusted. I went on the pill at 16 and remained on it into my late 20's. I have never taken it since. My body is at a healthy weight, I am relatively active, my periods are not heavy and I dont suffer too much with pains and sore boobs.
So why do I want to kill myself every month?
It is not just at the time of my period, it can be around ovulation time too. I dont particularly suffer the week before the period, but the day before or on the day, the routine is always the same.
I wake up, the need to take the day off work overwhelms me so I do it, I cant get out of bed, I start to cry, then I cry more, then I am crying so much I can hardly breathe. I will shuffle around the house and I might smoke a cigarette. I dont normally eat because I feel so bad I cannot take a bite. At some point in the day the suicidal thought will creep in, but I know it wont happen. Like i said I have been here many times, I know the drill. This is like this as I am single. The above takes a different form when I am in a relationship. My partner will start off being understanding, the patience will where off, they will challenge my behaviour and I will retaliate, and its not pretty. I am not irritable and I do not throw things but I will be crying and despairing so much I will scream and land in a heap with a partner just confused and thinking I am losing my mind. A day or two later, I am getting back to normal. Months or a couple of years of this and the cracks appear in the relationship and its over.
Like I say, I am single, I am currently trying 10mg citalopram and it seems to be helping. 2 out of 3 of the last 3 months have been bad. I had a reprieve for one month.
Amazingly my skin on my face has improved but I think that is down to a new oil free moisturiser. i had hormonal acne before.
I just want to hear from others and to be honest I want some hope that I might lead a normal life.

[Lonelysoul]

I have been having symptoms almost identical to yours! The past six months it has been worse than ever, however. I went to see my GP and he suggested I research PMDD, so here I am. Each time I was having the depressive episodes I would think I was going insane. By the time I'd talked myself into going to see the doctor, I felt normal again. I'd be normal and have a wonderful week and then surely enough it would creep up on me again for no reason at all. If there is something difficult going on in my life, it is amplified by this feeling that I can't cope.

I have the same thing as you said "It's not just at the time of my period, it can be around ovulation time too."

I also have problems with my skin, having had acne problems since the age of 10. I'm 24 now and my skin is still horrible. I have to use the mini-pill because all the others I have tried make me even more depressed, even though they help with my acne.

I'm just so fed up with all of this. I have a partner of 2 years, and I don't want to lose him.

Please let me know how you are managing!

[Emilyr]

Ok, I joined this today, I have never heard of PMDD until today. I was absolutely desperate.

please bear with me, so much could be affecting me so the story could be complex!

I am the same as Jo-Jo, I have always had relatively pain free periods from the age of 13. They have sometimes been heavy and sometimes not. Hardly ever late. I was on Microgynon pill from 19 until about 26....i am 29 now.

My friend noticed about 18 months ago that i was talking like a depressed person (even though I didn't feel sad all the time) I was telling her about how I wasn't really attracted to my BF anymore and that I felt like I was detatched from my life...like I was walking around in a dream and everyone else seemed to find life much easier than I did. I put it down to not being happy in the relationship, which, by the way, I couldn't understand because he is lovely, good looking, supportive, good with money and therefore secure and we have known eachother as friends since 16 years old. He came along as a boyfriend after I split from a tense relationship in which I was deeply connected and in love (he had drug issues but I just loved him so much) that relationship lasted 4 years. So, I couldn't understand why I was so unhappy, this bloke was so much better!

THEN, we went to turkey 2 years ago and I had a 3 week late period, collapsed on Day2 and ended up in hospital. Drs did very few tests and decided I had Endometriosis and that I should try to get pregnant asap if I ever wanted a family because it could take years and happen. Despite not knowing if I loved my BF how i wanted to we tried and it happened 1st time. I had a massive breakdown and my whole view on getting pregnant changed that day. I felt SO trapped and scared.

Back to the day when my friend noticed I was talking depressed, the dr put me on Citalopram and I felt better for about a month, then I got pregnant and went mad and they upped my dose. I never felt that happy but my brain slowly sorted itself out. Then I lost the baby, it was 11.5 weeks old on the 13 week scan. I cried and was upset for my mum and my BF but I didn't really have a proper emotion about it. I am obsessed with babies now and everyone I know is pregnant and I am still with the same lovely bloke with the same bloody doubts. maybe I would suggest a break if we hadn't bought a house together because we were pregnant and I felt forced to. But thats for a different forum!

I really want that comfortable life, and sometimes I have it, but then about 10-14 days before my period, I lose it. I am shaking, waking in the night wanting to leave my house because I shouldn't be with this man. Wondering why I am in this mans house, miserable, absolutely miserable and obsessed by not loving my BF. I can't bear the people at work talking to me. Everyone else is walking around like life is so easy and I am bearly getting up in the morning. Other people are getting JOY from life. I am a teacher and I dread seeing the students, dread any responsibility at work, I cry, I sweat and the thought of doing the things I love (sitting in my shed making things from clay or decorating myhouse) makes my stomach turn and I have a panic attack. I feel like I am in the wrong body and that my happy memories belong to someone else.

All this is happening now (10 days until my period) and the last time it happened was 2 days before I went to Greece on holiday (exactly a month ago). We were really looking forward to it and I ruined it with this for the first 4 days! I know I will feel better in 2 weeks when my period starts but not as happy as I used to be. I still will have no sex drive and I will still doubt my attraction to my BF, just less than today. But everything else will be fine, if not good. The more I feel like this before my periods, the more I dread it coming again and the more it affects the weeks in between.

i stopped taking the antidepressants about 3 months ago and I am reluctant to go back on them.

I am hoping that when I have my opperation to have my ovaries sorted I will feel better, but I am terrified that it isn't hormonal and I am just slowly going mad and breaking down. I want to be sexually attracted to my boyfriend. i want to feel a connection to him (or anything!) I want a family and to get married. everyone else I see seems to do it so easily, why cant I!?

So to sum up, Could all this mental trauma be from PMDD?

or am I depressed and unable to love my boyfriend because of the mental trauma being in love with a drug addict brings?
Or that Endometriosis and the possibility of being childless brings?
Or that having a miscarrige brings?

i am soo unhappy and confused.

Sorry that was so long and badly written.

[paulinalovesken]

I know you posted this in July, and I'm just now reading this, but how are you doing? Your story is mine! Except for the BF thing. I actually get closer to my husband. And I had endometriosis and they took my uterus out and my PMDD got worse after that. I'm living a nightmare right now, and don't know what to do. I've been tested and the doctor confirmed it was PMDD and the best treatments so far are supplements (1200 mg. calcium, magnesium, vit. E, Chasteberry, 5-HTP, D, and B-6, B-12), birth control and an SSRI antidepressant. I'm just starting the BC, so we are crossing our fingers! Please let me know how you are doing.

[Yazwoman]

Hi Guys..
It totally sucks how PMDD can totally ruin a person's life, and it's all because of our hormones. Men don't really understand at all. PMDD is like PMS on crack..

My friend was noticing that I was getting depressed, losing sleep and craving chocolate (must have it or die) in 2 week cycles. Also I would suddenly just want to shut myself in my room for days, cry at the drop of the hat, and other such bad things about 2-3 days before my period would start. Sometimes I would think about suicide. Totally more severe than PMS. But I thought maybe it was something else. I would also be in hideous pain (I was taking Ponstel for my period- Ibuprofen and the OTC stuff wasn't helping at all and I was just miserable, not to mention REALLY HEAVY, sorry if TMI)

So my OB heard these and put me on Yaz, which is the only BCP that is good for PMDD. I noticed immediate change in the first month, in a positive light. I no longer snapped at people, and could control my period and when I wanted it. Before I was captive to my own body! The cravings for chocolate have gone away, my periods (when I decide to have them) are much lighter, sometimes non-existent. I can still sometimes feel when I am in my 3rd week of the pill pack so I don't know if that means I'm ovulating and the PMDD is seeping through or whatever. I am a totally new woman now, but I really know how you guys feel.

If you guys want a BCP method, and have PMDD you should try Yaz. It seems to have really improved me, and my acne. (Did I mention I'd break out really badly like a week or so before I had my period, too? So annoying!) Coupled with my IBS, it was just BAAAD! But of course that is up to you, but I have found that being on this pill has improved my life. I know it's not for anyone, but that's how I finally managed it.

[Daizy]

I have been diagnosed by a psychiatrist with PMDD since 2005. But it took me a while to accept the diagnosis (versus something else like depression or anxiety).

What helped convince me was when I paid really close attention to my mood throughout the month (which, by the way, is the best way to determine if you have PMDD or not... keep a daily journal tracking your mood for 2 months or more, along with tracking your menstrual cycle and ovulation... this is actually the recommended method by the "DSM-IV"... which is a tool used to diagnose this and other mental health disorders).

I absolutely fit the diagnosis... major mood changes, significant impairment in daily life, fatigue, irritability, worrisome about other people's view of me bordering on paranoia, crying easily, low or no confidence, angered easily, anxious to the point of shallow breathing that is very hard to shake, almost panic attack-like symptoms, or so depressed that I lose interest in things I usually enjoy and instead lay in bed all day and avoid even going to work (or school, in the past). And then a few days after my period starts, it's like the clouds are lifted and I am back to my normal happy, confident, stable-mood, collected self. I absolutely hate the days leading up to my period because I know they are gonna be rough, and each month varies as to whether I'll be more irritable one month, or rageful the next, or anxious, or paranoid, or depressed, etc. But then once my symptoms lift, I LOVE life again and it's such a relief to have no symptoms. I don’t normally have any of those symptoms (or if I do, they are within a normal range). As someone else on this forum described it, it’s almost like a “high” when the symptoms lift a few days after my period starts.

As for treatment, I have found cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT for short) to be most helpful. In addition, I definitely have found it helpful to take a faster-acting Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI) anti-depressant like zoloft (have been taking zoloft since 2006, and it has really worked great for me). I started out with prozac, but found zoloft more beneficial. What I mean by a faster-acting SSRI is one that is absorbed through the blood stream which makes it effective in the first 24-48 hours that you take it. (in addition, I absolutely think that seeing a female psychiatrist is the key component to correct medication therapy…that's who prescribes mine). I tried Yaz birth control in the past, and although I think it helped tremendously, I got scared away from it by the "rumors" that it causes gastrointestinal problems and gall bladder issues (of which I have both). I was on Yaz for about 3 years, along with between 50 mg - 200 mg of Zoloft (at varying levels due to increased stress for other reasons, mainly graduate school). Now I am NOT taking Yaz, but I am taking 100 mg of zoloft throughout the month, and then when it's about 1 week before my period is scheduled to start, I take an extra 50 mg zoloft, and it truly does "the trick". I am able to go back down to the 100 mg zoloft a few days after my period starts, and i'm fine the rest of the month. I also started seeing a primary care physician who uses complementary and alternative medicine therapies, and she started me on 5-htp and evening primrose oil in addition to the zoloft i was taking. When I started taking 5-htp 100 mg, I went back to visit my psychiatrist because I heard of what's called "serotonin syndrome" where the body produces/keeps too much serotonin which has really REALLY serious implications. So, after working closely with my psychiatrist and primary care physician, I am able to take 100 mg of the 5-htp throughout the month, and take 100 mg Zoloft throughout the month with an increase to 150 mg Zoloft 1-1.5 week before my period is supposed to start, until 2-4 days after it starts, and then decrease the dose back down to 100 mg Zoloft.

Something else my psychiatrist recommended for me was whats called “Bach Flower Remedies”. These are harmless flower essences that are supposed to help balance your mind-body-spirit connection when it is “out of whack” as I like to say. I won’t go into detail about them because you’d need to do some studying to use them for yourself, but the website is *Removed outbound link*

This combination has worked really well for me, but as many people do, I have struggled with the “stigma” of taking an anti-depressant, and also have feared becoming “psychologically” dependent on the anti-depressant, so I resisted taking the extra 50 mg for many years. I have gone through ups and downs due to not following the medication regimen as prescribed, and I am now convinced that – for this time in my life – I need to take the medication as prescribed. The reason I was not taking it as prescribed was because I would wait each month to see if my symptoms were “bad enough” to elicit taking the extra 50 mg. But by the time they would get “bad enough” I was already way too miserable, so I would promise myself that next month I would consider taking the 50 mg sooner. But then after a few months of taking the extra 50 mg as prescribed which was managing my symptoms really well, I would consider waiting the next month until my symptoms got “too bad” before I started taking it… which would ultimately lead me back around to the beginning. This pattern happened over and over until I’m where I’m at now, being convinced that it’s worth an extra 50 mg a few times a month to help me deal with the gi-normous symptoms I would face otherwise; and I’ve been dealing with this same exact pattern of symptoms for almost 6 years, so I can say FOR SURE that this is a medication regime that works for me, and I just have to LET GO of the stigma that I perceive in regards to taking an anti-depressant medication on a regular basis.

As for the cognitive behavioral therapy, it helped me to identify my negative thinking patterns so that I could more easily know when my monthly symptoms were worsening. Then I learned ways to change my thinking so that my emotions and behaviors were more accurately reflecting reality instead of reflecting my altered mood state. It also helped me to ask for support from my partner, and she is able to help me identify when my symptoms are “flaring up” which then helps me to remember to use more coping skills and identify those negative thinking traps.

I absolutely do not think that a woman with PMDD should seek treatment with JUST medication or JUST cognitive behavioral therapy. I think it is an eclectic combination of those two pieces, plus “coping skills” such as lifestyle adjustments (such as planning to get more sleep during those days with symptoms, reducing commitments if possible, planning relaxing activities, etc.), better eating habits that have been proven to reduce regular PMS symptoms (such as reducing caffeine, alcohol, sugar, and salt intake), and communication with your partner, family members, and/or friends who can “be there” to support you when you need it.

So anyway, this is my experience with PMDD. I hope that it helps someone to gain insight into what they’re dealing with!

[Daizy]

oops... I accidentally pressed "post reply" twice so it posted it twice. This was the 2nd one but I deleted it.

[Yazwoman]

I don't know if this plays into cognitive therapy, Daizy, but when I was told there was an actual name for what I was experiencing, and I wasn't a freak i felt more relieved. I am depressed as well, but am afraid of the anti-depressant medication. I am an artist, and I find my best pieces come when I'm really depressed. Go figure. I don't want to loose that productivity, ironically enough. I've also seen my father on medications and they made him go completely bonkers. So I'm afraid it will really change me as a person to. Right now, Yaz seems to be helping me out tremendously. Cutting back on chocolate (as I no longer need it really anymore) and caffiene has also helped me. Being aware of my body has also helped,too. I also have lost weight and that seems to help too, though since I'm on the pill I don't know how that has effected my actual menstrual cycle.

But I totally agree that it has to be more than just one therapy. PMDD effects the whole person, so multiple methods should be used to help out everything.

[Daizy]

Thanks for your reply to my post, YW. It helps to remember that what works for one person may not work for another. Our bodies are different, and often what treatment works well for one person might not work well for another.

Thanks!

[sabine932]

Hi there,

I know exactly what you women are going through. If you need more information go to the wikipedia page and download at the end the following PDF-file:A positive approach Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS) and Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD)
I also went through CBT, but so far I don't want to take anti-depressions. I write and I am also afraid that it destroys my creativity. Also I have more physical symptoms. What I learned so far is that this is a genetic brain defect and that there is no cure. Basically our brain cannot control our hormones in the right way. From my point of view the doctors are totally in the dark about PMDD. Some even refuse that PMDD is existing, want to put the women in other mental illness categories what makes me really upset. Sure enough sometimes women are falsely diagnosed. There is no real test for PMDD only the method of excluding things and watching your mood behavior over the month. They told me it will get worse until my menopause, and then the symptoms will disappear. Let's hope. I know for many of you, it was for many years a nightmare before you were finally diagnosed with it. I came up myself with PMDD, after almost 20 years of suffering and watching myself closely for a year. I went to the doctor and told her about my idea, after which I went through tons of tests to exclude other illnesses before I was diagnosed with PMDD. I was really relieved – I wasn't imagine things, wasn't crazy. Also my husband was glad, because he thought it was him making me so irritable.
My symptoms are: Dizziness, nausea, rash, anxiety, palpitation, insomnia, heavy upper body cramps (I have to take two Tylenol 3 to suffer through it), headache, suicidal thoughts, dark thoughts, cold symptoms, joint-muscle pain, irritable, problems concentrating, black outs, restlessness, trembling, feel extremely tired…
What helped me: Healthy eating, lots of extreme sport and I take a lot of vitamins plus extra Calcium 1500 mg, Vitamin E and Primrose oil.
Avoid stress and lack of sleep. The first one produces the stress hormone that makes the PMDD much worse. Extreme sport gives you the good endorphins. When I am in a real bad mood I go rock climbing, cycling after it I feel much better.
It is hard to drag oneself out of the bed in situations like this, but staying in bed makes it only worse. In my case it works like this: Pain --- bad emotions ---- bad thinking ---- more pain. It is a downwards spiral.
I am lucky and have a very calm, loving husband who helps me where he can. Last time I was sitting on my bed crying and said to him: Sure enough, if you see every symptom by itself it is not too bad, but out of four weeks I had three weeks where I had every day several symptoms. It truly depresses you and to not give in is the hardest thing.
I hope you won't give in. There is a light at the end of the tunnel --- menopause, at least they told me. Keep on fighting! Oh and there are men out there who understand.