[HitomiAdrien]

I thought I'd join a forum to make some friends as I feel like I'm about to embark on a journey.
I'm 26 (will be 27 in December) and I've never been to the gyno. I made my first appointment which is scheduled for November 8th. I know I should have been going since 18 but I dropped out of high school and left my parents house the minute I turned 18, so no one was really advising that I see a doctor (I've always been afraid of the doctor, so who knows if I would have gone). Now at almost 27, I have a stable job, an awesome boyfriend whom I live with and have been with for two years, and am going back to school. I'm TERRIFIED of this appointment. My mom has had cervical cancer and breast cancer and continues to have cancerous cells scraped out of her bladder. How am I going to live with myself if I go and find out I have cancer all over my body? It will devastate the people I love. Also, how am I going to break the news to my boyfriend if I find out I have some sort of STD that I've been carrying around for years and didn't know about because I'm deathly afraid of the gyno? Why would he want to stay with me after learning about how irresponsible I've been? I never really understood the consequences of my decision of not going to the gyno. I never realized it greatly affects other people. If I'm sick and die, my loved ones will be devastated. If I have an STD that I've passed on, how will he know it wasn't contracted while we were together and forgive me for not realizing that my lack of healthcare affects HIS health?!

Sorry, I'm a bit of a hypochondriac. Some good news: I've had blood and urine taken the past two years for physicals (which I forced myself to go to) and everything came back normal (cept for elevated bilirubin as I'm a recovering alcoholic, 8 months sober!). That's at least a little comforting.

Anyway, I just keep asking myself, "How could I put myself and my loved ones in this position?" I know I sound dramatic. Hopefully, I don't have cancer. Hopefully, I don't have an STD. If I have either or both, hopefully my family and my boyfriend will forgive me.

[Kallygirlie]

Step 1, take a breath. You are focusing so much on what if that you are driving yourself crazy. I myself didn't have my first gyno appointment until I was 25 and only started going because I was having problems with my cycle. I'm now 29 and can tell you the gyno really isn't that bad. It's something we have to do to stay healthy. You have to stop freaking yourself out over everything that could possibly happen. I understand your fears. I lost my Mom to Lung Cancer and everytime I inhale someones 2nd hand smoke, its like I can physically feel cancer growing inside my lungs. Someones whos been touched by cancer, tends to have a very firm grasp of the idea that it could happen to them. That doesn't mean it will happen to you.

I understand your anxiety. I had it bad. So bad that my doctor was convinced I had high blood pressure. The only way she could get normal blood pressure reading is if she had me lay down for 30 mins when I got there. Basically let me fall asleep and take my blood pressure before the anxiety could kick back in. Worked everytime. A couple yrs ago, I got my first abnormal pap smear result (every woman usually gets one abnormal in her life time). I basically had myself diagnosed with cervical cancer. Turns out, was absolutely nothing. All you do by worrying over everything, is cause yourself a headache. Your appointment is over a week away, you are gonna go insane if you keep thinking the worse.

Bottom line, no matter how the appointment goes. Your loved ones will still love you and if your bf is a good man, he will stand by your side no matter what. And after your appointment, I bet you will come back to this site and let us know that it wasn't as bad as you thought and you are in great health

[HitomiAdrien]

Thank you so much for your reply! It actually helped me to take a breath and calm down. You're right, you're completely right. Even IF something is wrong, it isn't going to help to worry about it.

I hope I can come back after the appointment and joke about how stupid I was haha.

Thank you again for your reply! =)!!

[Euphoric]

We look forward to you joking with us, and being stress free.

[Delilah37]

Were in the same boat except im not really afraid of doctors. Ive just never really gone cuz ive never had a reason. But im going to make an appt. Soon with a gyno because ive been missing periods & have some early prego symptoms but have had 3 neg. Tests. Im 20,id like to make some friends here too,and my mom also has cervical cancer & thats another reason im going. Anyway i hope ur appt goes well i might set mine around the same as yours,so itll be like were doing it together and u wont be so scared. We can comeback & tell each other how it went. Lol i hope thats not creepy just a thought tho

[HitomiAdrien]

Sorry for delay, I haven't had internet since Monday!
That'd be awesome! Haha, you should definitely make an appointment at the same time. I'm sorry about your mom, cancer is so scary and unpredictable. It's very smart of you to be going!

Did you make an appointment yet?

[kittehs]

Hope your first appointment went ok! I'm terrified of doctors and the gyno was no exception. My first exam was pretty painful, I bled a lot. I didn't bleed when I lost my virginity so I've always joked that the gyno stole it! The following gyno exams went much better but that first one scared the daylights out of me.

[HitomiAdrien]

It went well! The doctors was very calm and answered all my questions and my pap came back normal. No chlamydia or gonorrhea! Haha, that's what she told me she tested for. I'm stunned that nothing is wrong! Thank you everyone for all your support. You're right, Kittehs, the first one is REALLY nerve racking but afterward I thought "I was scared of THAT?!" haha

[Euphoric]

Seems like you were comfortable with your doctor, too. Next time, it'll be a piece of cake. Glad everything came back fine.