[londynheights]

Hello! I am doing research on how herpes affects women every day.

Have you been inflicted with the life-long stigma of genital herpes? I am collecting stories to change the paradigm. How did you get herpes? How has it affected your life (e.g., work, health, existing and future relationships, social interactions, etc.) ? If you are interested in sharing your story please write me. Names can, of course, be changed to protect individuals.

Thank you in helping me educate others about the real-life impacts of herpes on an individual’s life!

[atskitty2]

I was diagnosed with genital herpes 5 yrs ago while married. I have no idea who gave it to me. I didn't have my hubby get tested. I just didn't think about it, as we had "unprotected" sex and he was likely positive as well.

I am very fortunate in that I rarely have an outbreak. I've had 2 total that I'm aware of, and my symptoms are bothersome at worst. I honestly thought so little of it, that I'd forgotten it until awhile after the divorce and I starting thinking I was ready to date.

Now, things are very different in dating. I have told 2 men I was dating. The first "breakup" had nothing to do with my having it, that i know of, the second was the whole reason. I have been honest with these men early on, and I won't divulge this info so early again. I make it known when I feel comfortable but well before sex is on the horizon. Next time I will wait longer.

It is difficult. Sometimes I would like to be able to have a sexual relationship but I won't do that without sharing this info that I feel my partner has a right to know. And the flip side is, I won't share this personal info with someone I feel has no respect or discretion. So, I know I'm in for a long wait on a sexual relationship with anyone. Quite honestly I have prepared myself for a sexless life, because at my age, good men are harder to find...and a good man who's also willing to take the chance of contracting a disease to be with me....not a likely scenario.
I'm OK with that...it's not the life I'd hoped for myself but I am in a good place regardless.

[jen1447]

Sorry to take this away from the diection of the herpes guy, BUT ...

kitty, you seem like a very charming woman. You've got a great sense of humor, you exude confidence, and from what you say, you've still 'got it.'

You're also very intelligent by all accounts here, so I know you won't want to be patronized with a high school pep talk. But I don't want to just let this lie here. You've got a realistic attitude about life, so that's great. Just make sure you hang onto hope. That's what keeps us all going. It sounds smarmy and stupid, but I think chances are there IS a guy out there for you, one who's equal to all your challenges and probably then some. Maybe he's not on an online dating site, maybe he's not even in your town (maybe he's hiding in the bushes somehwere in Siberia!), but with billions of people in the world, he's likely out there somehwere (or maybe about 50,000 potential versions of him). I don't think you'll end up alone - or even settling for less - in the end. You've got it too much goin' on to be single forever if you don't want to be, sister.

[atskitty2]

Oh jen...I nearly blushed. Thanks for the kind words. I agree with you-I have a lot going for me and I do stay realistic. I do have hope, otherwise I wouldn't bother dating at all. I think I'm still in the healing process also, I'm not completely healthy again emotionally since the divorce. I've been criticized for dating, knowing this. But I've learned so much and healed more, as I experience new things...not like I'm misleading any dates.

I do think there's a good man somewhere and I will be appreciated for all I am, and the herpes will be secondary, but there is the possibility that I won't happen to meet that man. I prefer to have a partner, but I'll be happy if I'm alone too. I much prefer the right partner, a good partner, over just having a person to be with.

So I appreciate that, and your reassurance is welcomed. I don't tell friends or family my viral status, so that's the part that gets lonely. Its nice to share it, get it out of my system. I didn't mean to leave an impression of hopelessness or sadness over a lonely future-very rarely do I really feel that way.

[jen1447]

Yep hon, I understand.

[AshleyNova]

I believe the stigma is awful. I found out in a long term relationship, and I know its not him.. At first it wasn't too bad but the longer i had to think about it and the more ppl talk about it I let it bother me. I believe it part of the reason i developed anxiety and panic disorder. My boyfriend and I are still together, over 2 years since he found out... to be honest it does bother him, it would be too.. i don't ever want to cause him pain and I think thats what makes it hard for me is the fact this is the man i want to marry and I have herpes and i know he never thought of that as a possibility either. We always use condoms because I'm not on BC.

I have common femine issues and sometimes have a hard time distinguishing from a yeast infection or and Out Break,,. It hasn't been bad I did suppressive therapy for about a year.. stigma is defiantly the worse. I hear of women who have slept with many many people and are clean free of any std but I made the mistkae i guess putting my trust in someone i was naive.