[DreamP346]

I know you want to give him his space, but if you don't tell him what's going on, it looks like you don't care and are not trying to fix things. You don't have to ask him to move back in or forgive you right now. Just let him know what's going on and what you are doing to try to resolve things. Let him make up his own mind about what he wants to do next.

[kable]

Thanks for the feedback and support. I did talk to him a little bit last night, but for right now, we're on hold. He's not rushing out to file, but he's not moving back anytime soon. He did make it clear that divorce is our future, and he's not considering any other options at this point. Despite being a good guy, I've really hurt him and he's done with that. I think space for him and time to work on myself is my current plan. I see the psych nurse in a couple of weeks -- when my symptoms would typically present -- and hopefully she'll have some answers for me.
Honestly, I wouldn't want him to come back until we're ready to move forward. We all deserve peace in our home, and I can't guarantee that right now. I really want to feel better for myself. I know I'm a good wife and mother when I'm not plagued with crazy. I spend a week fuming or exploding and a week feeling sorry and sad, so that's 50 percent of the time in a sucky marriage. That's not what anybody wants, including me.
I'll give it my all to get better with some changes in my diet and try to exercise more, along with some supplements I've read about until I see the nurse. It seems like salt and caffeine might be exacerbating my symptoms. Coffee is going to be tough, though! I don't want to go on antidepressants, but I'll try anything to feel good again. I hope I can become what my husband needs, but if not, I'll be fine. At least he's a great friend and a great dad, and I know he'll do as little as possible to hurt me and as much as possible to help me. But he knows **this** isn't working and forcing it to work does nobody any good.
Again, thanks so much for the support. I've learned a lot about this possible malady from this forum, and it does make me feel a little less psycho and alone knowing there's lots of us experiencing the same symptoms. I hope we all get well soon!

[effy2014]

What are your issues with depression meds? There is clearly something going on chemically in your brain two weeks about of the month and it will no doubt take chemistry to resolve it. Changes to your diet and herbal remedies are really no match for modern medicine.

A psych nurse is a start, but my advice is to see a psychiatrist with a very strong background in psychopharmacology. S/he will know about the latest meds and how they interact.

[kable]

Hi Effy,
Sorry I haven't been on in a while. My issues with antidepressants are a complete lack of personality, no sex drive, and no drive for anything at all. I've taken Prozac, Welbutrin, Lexapro, Celexa and possibly one or two others. Also, birth control made me feel out of control every single day of the month. Maybe not as violently angry, but certainly depressed, edgy, and irritable.
I went to see the psych nurse, who referred me to a psychologist. She also thought my issues are hormonal, and a test where she swabbed the inside of my cheek confirmed that. Because I've never had a good result with the type of meds that would normally treat my symptoms, she suggested I stick with the supplements and diet changes. The good news is I've dropped 7 pounds. I'm not using any caffeine at all, no salt, no sugar, no foods with dyes, no processed foods. If I don't see any positive changes in my mood, she might try a hormone cream.
My husband is still out of the house, and he's really hot and cold. I have talked to him, let him know that I love him and I'll be here if he changes his mind. As of right now, he's planning to wait until January to file.
I no longer believe he doesn't love me. He doesn't really want to talk about us right now, but he's stayed over a few nights since he left. He's also texting me about trivial things like his day or who he ran into or things we would have normally talked about when he lived here.
He hasn't made any effort to get his things, and I think he was upset that I moved his clothes to the downstairs closet and moved my stuff in there. I talked to him about it first, and he was going to help me move a dresser out. But I think seeing our bedroom empty of his things upset him.
It seems like every time we make some improvement, he pulls away. That's okay right now. I have no idea what our future holds anymore, but at least I'm not certain it's divorce and being alone forever.
My last cycle was one of the worst I've ever had. I didn't act out at all -- again, he's been gone, and I've never lashed out at my kids -- but I was so sad and depressed that it felt like it hurt physically. I was in such a dark place that it scared me a lot. I called friends and met with the nurse. I had to practically restrain myself from calling my husband and begging him to come home.
Afterwards, as soon as my period started, I was wonderful again. As wonderful as I can be considering my circumstances.
I wish I could take a pill and feel better, but I'm sure I can't. I've started getting more cardio exercise, and it really helps immediately. If I start feeling down, I just have to get myself and the dogs to the park before I crawl into bed with Ben and Jerry. For now, I'm still waiting it out. I really hope the supplements work, but nothing so far.
I'm starting my "orange" days this week, but so far I feel fine. I just don't want to get in a bad place and ruin all the progress I've made outside of my week before my period week. Even with my husband acting really cold most of the time, I've felt better and more confident that I'm going to be okay no matter what. We'll see where I'm at in a few days

[DreamP346]

I'm glad to hear about your progress. Diet and exercise can go a long way. However, I would recommend you see an expert on PMDD. There are very few clinicians who truly understand this disorder. Although I am not a clinician, the fact your psych nurse did not try to put you on anything is a little concerning. Currently, there are 3 medications approved for PMDD and it doesn't sound like you have tried any of them yet: Sarafem, Paxil CR, and Zoloft. They can we taken for only the 14 days before your period to alleviate the side effects. That fact your clinician hasn't tried any of this is a little concerning since your symptoms are so severe.