[FlorOD]

Hi everyone!

I have a very frustrating problem during intercourse, and it has been the same with every partner; the guy has trouble getting in (sometimes penetration is even possible) as if I was too tight.

After searching my issue on the web, I saw people with similar problems, and they had something called vaginismus. Because I don't feel pain during sex and that I don't have any fear/stress/apprehension/traumatic experience regarding sex, I'm wondering if it's really vaginismus that I have. On the opposite; I feel aroused and when penetration work, I only feel pleasure.

What can I (or my partner) do to facilitate penetration? I've tried lubricant, but it doesn't always help (sometimes the penis doesn't stay inside), but after a lot trying/touching, my vaginas does seem like it's loosening up a bit. Maybe it takes me a while to get "in the mood"?

Thank you!

[Silvervine]

I don't think it's vaginismus, given that you have achieved penetration and felt no discomfort. Vaginismus means a penis (and sometimes anything else) cannot penetrate the vagina. Due to the muscles tensing up, it literally creates a wall and blocks anything from entering. I would recommend several things:

1) if you feel tight, you might need a lot more lubricant. This will allow for easy penetration.
2) during intercourse, have your partner enter you and stay there. Tense your muscles, then relax. Do this until you start to feel comfortable. This has two benefits: If your partner is struggling to stay inside, it could be that your muscles are tensing and pushing him out. You need to learn how to relax those muscles. Also, having him stay there will stretch you a little.
3) start using toys if you haven't already. This would not only give you the opportunity to understand your body a little more, but it will help to stretch you a little. I understand that there are 'tools' that resemble small dildos for women with vaginismus. Those tools are designed for women who experience pain or are having trouble inserting anything at all. As you don't experience the pain, you may just need a little stretching.

Overall, don't panic. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I think you just need to explore yourself a little more, relax, and use plenty of lubricant.

I wish you all the best

[Magnetism]

I don't think it's vaginismus either. If you're able to insert a vibrator/toy inside of you, you don't have vaginismus.

[FlorOD]

Thank you Silvervine

[75andsunny]

I am beginning to wonder if I have this as well. I used to have great sex with my HS boyfriend. However, shortly after I started seeing my husband, he revealed to me that he was a cross-dresser and it took me many months to "get over it". We had not had sex at that point and we were rarely initmate in other ways during these months, and since he has told me I have had an extremely difficult time getting in the mood. We have been able to have sex but it is never comfortable for me and it turns him off when I'm not enjoying it, so we have been sticking to other methods of getting each other off primarily for 4 years now. I have no problem separating the cross dressing from our sex lives (it is not a sexual thing for him) and I really want to have sex, but as soon as he enters me (if he can), it becomes very painful. We have tried using copious amounts of lube along with several other "techniques" but we almost always give up which is getting frustrating and only adds to the anxiety, in my opinion... Does this sound like vaginismus? Should I talk to my gynecologist about this?

[Magnetism]

I am beginning to wonder if I have this as well. I used to have great sex with my HS boyfriend. However, shortly after I started seeing my husband, he revealed to me that he was a cross-dresser and it took me many months to "get over it". We had not had sex at that point and we were rarely initmate in other ways during these months, and since he has told me I have had an extremely difficult time getting in the mood. We have been able to have sex but it is never comfortable for me and it turns him off when I'm not enjoying it, so we have been sticking to other methods of getting each other off primarily for 4 years now. I have no problem separating the cross dressing from our sex lives (it is not a sexual thing for him) and I really want to have sex, but as soon as he enters me (if he can), it becomes very painful. We have tried using copious amounts of lube along with several other "techniques" but we almost always give up which is getting frustrating and only adds to the anxiety, in my opinion... Does this sound like vaginismus? Should I talk to my gynecologist about this?

Have you gotten tested for STD's? It sounds more to me like a mental block. Emotional problems in relationships manifest into the physical. I've struggled with "allowing" a man that I didn't fully trust or love to enter me. If I'm in love and feel secure, penetration is easy. If you are able to have easy penetration with your previous partner, then I would think it's not vaginismus.

[75andsunny]

I've been tested, yes, no worries there. And I thought vaginismus had a lot to do with emotional pain or torment manifested physically or a past physical trauma? Everything I've read separates vaginismus into primary (no known cause) or secondary (to a trauma, emotional or physical). I guess what I'm getting at is that there are very few people who have it that have NEVER been able to have pleasurable sex, and the majority have at one point been able to and then for one reason or another develop vaginismus secondary to a life event.... I feel I fall into the latter category, however I have no doubt that I am deeply in love with my husband (I would not have married him if I wasn't). I am also trying to figure out if our problem is more of an emotional issue surrounding sex or if there may be a deeper physical issue.