[Hai-en]

I'm a girl with complete female anatomy and looks but i have severe Trans OCD where i fear being a boy always as it developed after i realized it is something i hold against my values.

My biggest confusion currently is that when i get periods and when i go to toilet for washing, most of the times the blood is gathered near my buttocks or anus. This makes me fear I'm menstruating through my anus and I'm an intersex bcz some rare cases of intersex have periods like this. I don't know if blood gathers around the buttocks of other woman or not. I'll be glad to hear it. Combined with the fact that i actually always thought since childhood that menstruation is through stool (Means Anus) and i was shocked in my early days to have it regardless and it took me a good few years to realize it is from Vagina. Now i have memories of feeling a leak through vagina so many times but I doubt all of them to be made up as my brain asks me that why i then didn't realize that woman menstruates through vagina sooner.

The third thing is that i never took my gender seriously mentally. I have been raised in a very sheltered environment and was always treated like a reward for being a girl in my family making any signifance of gender discrimination irrelevant bcz i never felt the need to think through it and never specifically focused on gender in particular. This makes me fear I'm not a girl mentally mainly also bcz I'm a little clumsy and not utterly feminine like medieval princesses or extreme diva type of fashionista rather just dresses up to be cozy and simple.

All of these things together are making me very depressed

[Alison H.]

I'll go through everything below in order, but please don't hesitate to ask questions, I'm more than happy to answer them.

So blood pooling or collecting around/between the buttocks during a period is extremely common. Menstrual blood can naturally flow toward the back (your butt or anus) due to gravity, position, or how the blood spreads across the skin. It doesn’t mean it’s coming from the anus though. This happens to many women. (When I still had periods, that was always something I'd experience after sleeping/lying down, or even sitting back in a chair for a long time. In fact, when I went to bed, I'd always make sure my pad was stuck to my underwear a little higher up in the back to catch that.)

Having early childhood misunderstandings about periods (like thinking menstruation comes from the anus or from stool) is also incredibly common. You’re DEFINITELY not alone there... tons of people grow up with confusing or incomplete information about how menstruation works. Especially if sex education in school was lacking. Learning the correct anatomy later doesn’t make your real memories “fake” or cast doubt on your gender; it just means you didn’t have accurate education.

Not being ultra-feminine, fashion-focused, delicate, or “princess-like” has nothing to do with whether you’re a woman. Gender identity doesn’t depend on interests, clumsiness, or how feminine you act. You can be practical, sporty, artsy, messy, elegant — any combination of these things — and still be fully, authentically female. Gender OCD often attacks by saying, “If you don’t fit a stereotypical image, maybe you’re not really the gender you think you are,” but that’s just another OCD trick.

Trans OCD can create doubts that feel real, urgent, or “evidence-based,” even when they’re not. It’s the nature of the disorder. You’re not alone in this, and nothing you wrote suggests you’re intersex or that your gender identity is invalid.

But you do deserve support for the anxiety and depression this is causing. A therapist who understands OCD, especially intrusive thoughts around identity , might be able to help you learn how to separate what you think from what the OCD tells you.

I'm not sure where you live or what options are available to you (or what kind of family/friend support you have), but even talking with one online (virtual mental health care) might really help.

[Hai-en]

Thank you so much for this thorough response. It means a world to me

[JonnyR]

Hello there, Hai-en, I thought I'd chime in briefly about my experience in terms of gender and those women out there who perhaps ARE comfortable in their own skin and see themselves as women, but exhibit traits that some in society think are not feminine enough for them.

What I do know is that whether someone expresses their gender identity through what society sees as a "normal" lense does not constitute any sort of true identity for you.

When I was a young boy for example, I played with dolls -- in fact I had a Cabbage Patch doll! And loved them!

As I grew, I also liked other things like video games, roughhousing, and playing sports.

I never felt it was off or wrong to like dolls, or women's toys, they were just a natural part of my curiosity and development.

Now that I am older, I would consider myself a strong male/masculine man with dominant traits that folks would consider strictly masculine, bu within all of us, lives both feminine and masculine energies in various quantities and forms.

So, however that manifests for you, be comfortable and happy with that, and feel free to choose and explore any variations or variances that you might be attracted to -- whether they are mainstream or your family approves of them or not!

Only by doing that will you discover your true "identity" or blend of traits that feels just right for you!

[Birdie_567]

This is such an interesting topic and one I've thought quite a bit about myself. I have literally said since I was a child, "thank god I'm a girl because if I were born a boy, I'd be trans."

But just like OP stated - I don't embody 'traditionally feminine' things. I am so clumsy, I'm quite loud, I've always 'worn the pants,' in relationships, and I have no issues speaking my mind. I would consider myself girly... but my own definition of it.

One thing I've always found fascinating is how many of the things we consider masculine or feminine are actually social constructs. Did you know that pink was once associated with manly men, even as far back as the 18th century? Men also wore high heels, while women often wore more practical, flat shoes. It's interesting how much our ideas of masculinity and femininity have shifted over time, which is proof that they're all just human-made ideas. So not fitting into society's little boxes does not make you any less of a man or a woman. Whatever that means, anyway!

Not to mention, so much of history has been told through various lenses that haven't always highlighted women. If you're up for a good read, I highly recommend "Who Cooked the Last Supper: The Women's History of the World" by Rosalind Miles. It's interesting in that it highlights a lot of history that we don't learn about in traditional textbooks. We often get history through the eyes of men, but there were so many incredible women also doing incredible things (that didn't involve a kitchen, perfectionism, or staying quiet).