[CHANDLERS WISH]

Your self loathing cause you cheated......... You know why you did, you can explain it, but the person you are with also is your best friend and so you loath yourself.

People, will crusify this, you need to expect that... You will get a wrath.

What i see is sympathy... You fell in love with this guy, he cried, when he could not get errect, you felt sorry for him, when he begged that you would not leave him as a result, yet, you were highly sexual entering a relationship that you admit was "non sexual" from the beginning.

Why people fall for "feelings" over whom they are I still don't understand...

But that is what happened.

And, why they believe, but, but, but, i can change them, again I don't know.

Now, you are in a position whereby you feel un-attractive, not beautiful yet before you were on cloud nine, and knew who you were.

Why is he like this? Who knows? A serious sexual problem that needs addressing? Always had that problem, stirred as a teenager, abused as a child, who knows, if he won't tell you, that how are you meant to get answers here?

You settled for a "friend" knowing that you would not get your sexual needs, that is your story as you have told it....

You thought you could make him want you, but hasn't happened, that is what you have told us.

What do you do?

Walk and say go get help or I am not coming back, force the issue, i don't know are you prepared to forgoe sex, and the intimacy you desire, whom you are, and have more affairs? For someone that you get on "well with?" Or, ?

CW

[rcoreyus]

It is possible he loves you, but is physically attracted to men. Or maybe he is confused about his sexuality, and frustrated by his erection problems and thinks being gay is more acceptable than being impotent.

Is there any chance you can talk to him openly?

[Hopeless Dork]

Not all men have a high sex drive, and sometimes (obviously) it's the woman that isn't getting it as many times a week/month/year as she would like. They can of course masturbate and reach orgasm alone so that the physical needs are being met. However the need for intimacy with their partner, would still be left wanting.

I don't think that you should make him feel bad for not being as interested in sex but if the gender roles on this issue were reversed , society would be telling you that as a wife you have an obligation to meet your husbands physical needs. Of course it is easier for a woman to participate in sex when she isn't arroused than it is for a man (the magic of KY).

Perhaps their is a way that you can get the intimacy you crave with him, from him by alternative means. Would it be possible for you to innitiate having him hold you, kiss you while you masturbate? Maybe then leading into asking him for some manual or oral assistance. Even if he is unable to provide you with intercourse with his penis, maybe he could control a toy to please you with.

If the relationship is good outside of the bedroom, and he is generally caring and concerned for your happiness.. I don't think that any of the suggestions above would be too difficult for him to provide while you guys work on the barrier that is keeping him from wanting a more traditional sex life with you.

If he is able to see that he can give you pleasure with or without an erection, perhaps that will take some of the pressure off him if performance anxiety is what is keeping him from sex.

As far as the magazines go, who knows. Men (and women) are complicated creatures and there are so very many things that them on or that they are curious about. Many are things they would never dream of wanting to participate in but just enjoy the fantasy of.

Communication is going to be the key to unlocking what turns him on, perhaps sharing sexual fantasies, even ones you are embarrased about. You go first and tell him something that makes you both blush maybe that will inspire him to open up.