[KatieAnne]

i agree that its easier sometimes not to talk face to face about these issues, especially if there is some kind of underlying sexual guilt involved (ex. you may have been raised thinking sex was "dirty")

I know couples that have each made lists of what they wanted. For example you ask your husband if he has anything new he wants to try, write them down in a list, and then put yes no or maybe next to it... of you could do it and give it to him and see what he thinks.

There is always sex therapy, but that shouldn't be your first stop

Good luck

[cmoneileena1]

Email... that could work. Between the kids and his job (he works a UK schedule so even when he is home he is usually short on sleep) we don't get much, if any, quiet time together. But he is a computer person and I suppose it would be a good medium to at least open the subject during the week.

I also like KatieAnne's idea about the list. That can be a good gradual way to come around to the main point. Maybe I will try that and see what the response is. Any other ideas are still welcome (especially if this doesn't work)

[Merry]

E-mail is a great way if the guy really can't seem to talk about it.
Does he ever masterbate that you know of?
Is he obsessive about cleanliness in general? Washing hands constantly, etc.......

[cmoneileena1]

He is a bit OCD. He showers a lot but does not seem to have a thing about washing his hands. Nor does he masturbate a lot that I know of. His OCD is more about collections than personal cleanliness.

[rcoreyus]

He is a bit OCD. He showers a lot but does not seem to have a thing about washing his hands. Nor does he masturbate a lot that I know of. His OCD is more about collections than personal cleanliness.

Just as a data point - I'm somewhat obsessive about cleanliness - but for some reason (for me) that doesn't apply to sex.

[trusblver]

It is clearly not normal your guy was . to resolve by talking direct your problem to him could cause potential risk that might trigger other worse situations that you are not expecting. however abnormal he is we d rather not mention it.
there might be that , he hs not yet experiencing real orgasm (because you fake orgasm). The real orgasm could only reach when both are truly climax .
If he does know what the orgasm is , mind is not lost , routine could not be broken out , he will be as he was . What we need now is to let him know how the orgasm is , at the least once, then he will value it and look himself another by teasing you .

My experience is that , i never get orgasm if my woman not, women faking orgasm i could perceive , faking is harmful for their sex life. When my woman not climax , i fake climax by thinking deeply about the last climax then i became climax myself , my climax help her climax it is now both climax .........

however best the faking you are, it helps ejaculation not help orgasm. You must be true orgasm first by trying my experience .

[lovepuns]

try this out:
if he has never brought you to full orgasim, next time your going to have sex, touch yourself in front of him or in the bathroom alone (whatever you have to do) and bring yourself as close to orgasim as possible without finishing, then let him enter you and drive you the rest of the way, so he can feel what it is like in there when you pop off.
this may motivate him for the next time and it could inflate his ego if he knows without a doubt that he got you off. he may feel like its an impossible task to bring you to climax and that failure may be discouraging him. the male ego can directly effect your man's sex drive.

if he dosen't like the mess as you say and won't go under the panties he probably is OCD. and needs some professional help.

[confused about everything]

Don't tell him your faking it!! he will be hurt, and he will loose valuable trust in you. just stop faking it. cold turkey stop doing it. and whatever you do, when you bring up the situation, don't do it while your in the middle of having sex or even in the initiation process. do it when the two of you have put the kids down to bed, you've had a glass of wine, and just tell him that you need to talk and that its very important to you. tell him everything that you've been feeling, ask him if he knows why he is that way becuase he might be able to tell you if you just ask him. and than, if after talking to him, neither of you know whats going on, maybe you should see a doctor. it could be as simple as a medical reason or maybe he needs to see somebody to talk to and work things out in his head. he will never know how your feeling if you don't tell him and if you are letting him believe that you are having and orgasm and enjoying it, than how will he know that he needs to do something else?? you can't expect him to knwo what you do'nt say and you cant expect him to see through your white lie. so don't tell him that you've been faking it because that will only hurt him more, but stop doing it! don't make him believe that its ok when its not. and TALK TO HIM!!! in a non judgemental, non argumentitive way! good luck hun!

[cassie66]

blimy that could have been written for my husband! i know how you feel as im going through something simiilar. im 42 andhe is 32 and wehave been married 5 months i have 3 girls frpm prevoius marriage. he has never ever touched me below and never will

try doing what i did,not sureif it will work try calmly talking to him about how you feel and how it makes you feel when he wont touch you.
i tried this approach i love my hubby too but it gets very frustrating when he comes up with a number of excuse why not to touch

before he met mehe was engaged to a gir lfor 4 yrs who refused him seexand he respected her wishes so he was reduced to playing with his hand 4 times a day a habit im still trying to break lol my point is maybe your husband like mine isjust inexperienced and scared.
i got my hubby to open up and he admitted he ise mbarrssed and afraid to touch me and he ahs never ever touched a woman down there.
try talking or suggest councelling

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Go get "Sex in the City" and open a page, or an illustrative book" open the page up and leave it somewhere he can see it.

He will soon start asking you questions.

Tell him that you are a very sensual , sexual, tactile person , you didn't realise how much but your starting to really feel like a woman and as such, you are feeling like experimenting more... You've been reading the book and see things that really excit you with visions of him in your mind...

See what he comes back with.

The OCD may be an issue if he can only touch you with panties on, not without...

If so, say, one scene that you read and really liked was a shower together and touching each other.

Put thoughts into his mind in-other-words but also at the same time, kill the negatives that he may actually obviously have.

One question for you..... Together three? Married two? Was it always like this 3 years ago? Have you changed in the way you want to now be open therefore?

CW