[scarlyt]

My bf and I started having sex for the first time about two weeks ago (were both in our mid 20's, both were virgins and have been together for several years). I am on birth control and he wears a condom. He states the problem is sex is too much work for him so his mind is focused on just performing. He states he can never get enough friction to actually start to feel good, let alone even get anywhere near close to orgasm. If we do the drill position (where I am on bottom and I wrap my legs around him, he states he does start to feel good, problem is after 3-5 minutes my legs are sore and I need to put them down).

Until I feel more comfortable with my birth control, I still want him to wear a condom. What can I do to help him enjoy sex more?

[acerousme]

hmmmm....maybe try other positions. Practice makes perfect...so go and get yourself a kama sutra book, and start readin', girly!!!!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

You trust this man?

You've been together serveral years.. You are on birth control, you shouldn't need a condom, don't you think you can feel safe....

One positon? When you have waited as long as you two aren't you in the mood to now explore? Some posters suggested, read up on some really good books, but up-most be you, this is the two of you together, what you expore is between the two of you, as no one else has, and even if they had, two true souls will be as one, where other mistakes never was.

You ask, how can you make it better. Are you suggesting this for him? There are two of you, what things do you think you would like? And what, he would like do you think? And maybe from there suggestions can flow.

CW

What ideas come to mind when you think of the word Intimacy?

Undertand yourself and all that read this 2 weeks, after so many years

[WildChild]

How long have you been using bc? It is quite effective, used correctly. Don't worry so much. As he gets more into it, he'll relax but many very experienced men can't come with a condom - it just reduces sensation too much.

[Hopeless Dork]

I don't think the condom be playing that much of a role. Lots of couples have to use them for birth control when other forms can't be used and single people have to use them all the time.

If he was a virgin until recently, chances are he's done a lot of masturbating. Since thats been his primary outlet, he is probably use to a certain kind of stimulation that isn't exactly the same as is had during sex.

Take advantage of his inability to orgasm right away to enjoy sex yourself and explore new positions! Maybe try finishing him a different way, with your hand with him showing you what he likes, etc. He may also need to hold off on the masturbation a little or change his technique so that he can learn to appreciate the sensations of sex in the same way.

[Richard S]

I never much cared for condoms either.

Do as much as you can for him with oral and hand stimulation. Take the performance pressure off him. Learn what feels good for him, what makes him come. Learn to be comfortable with him having an orgasm. Treat that as a separate issue, apart from the issue of whether you feel ready to let him come inside you. But, having said that, what do you think it will take for you to feel ready? You're both well into your 20's, and two years is a long time.

I agree with Hopeless, he's probably used to masturbating. So try your own way of using your hands, see if he'll show you what feels good. There is going to be a transition period as you learn what it means to be in a sexual relationship with each other. Like everything else in life, it requires effort and a willingness to learn new things.

[Iseulda]

Hi scarlyt,

All good advice so far. You both need to take you time, relax, experiment - enjoy each other's bodies. The basic mechanics of sex are straightforward and most men and women have little trouble with them - what you don't ever learn til the 'practical' is that enjoyable sex with mutual orgasm can be actually quite hard work.

Neither of you are failing here - you're both learning. The best thing you can do for each other and also from a selfish point of view is to be honest with each other.

And don't just work on his orgasm - you have an orgasm in there too. How are you getting on with enjoying sex?

[Swiftus]

Quick question, does he cum during oral sex? Have you ever given him a lubed up HJ?

[Favored]

Always use condoms! He'll be alright after some practice. Condoms, Condoms, Condoms!

[Hopeless Dork]

I am in a position now that me and my boyfriend have to use condoms when having sex and while we both know sex can be better without them, we also both know that sex with a condom is better than no sex