[newhere808]

At what point is it not ok to continue a friendship with a guy when you are in a relationship? The guy I'm dating REALLY does not like that I spend a lot of time with a male friend of mine. I have a lot of male friends but this particular one he doesn't like the fact that we became friends because i liked him and asked him out. We got to know one another and decided that we were better suited as friends and that's all there is between us. But my boyfriend can't get past the fact that at one point, I was interested in him.

Well from your boyfriends perspective your friend is more than likely a threat, and guys do not like to feel threatened in their relationship (nor do women from what i've seen). It is a tough spot though, especially if the two of you just started dating as well.

Hopefully this doesn't sound too cold, but I would suggest figuring out which one you'd rather have in your life, in their current capacities, and then doing what's needed to make that happen.

I'd be lying if I said that something like this wouldn't bother me, but as the guy in the situation he does need to handle it maturely, and if your BF has done so then I think you may owe him the same courtesy. Good luck.

[Lifelong Student]

*Sighhhhhhhhh*

Why do certain men drool over other women, porn and anything sexually related but totally sexually ignore their young, willing and attractive partner?

Stressed,

If only I had a penny (well, make that a quarter, with the prices these days ) for everytime I've asked myself that...

I've been reading around here for a few weeks (thanks to everyone by the way for all the great information and entertainment!! ) and when I read your question I just HAD to register and vent a bit.

But yes, it's frustrating, and the frustration doesn't come from insecurity (personally, I REALLY don't mind him watching porn or even pointing out someone's or whatever), it's rather the bitter feeling of getting the short end of the stick out of the whole deal. The desire is ovbiously there, just not for you it seems...

And guys, I read your quick and dirty answers , in my situation I don't think it's a matter of lack of responsibility to please back, the willingness to please is there WHEN things get going...what's frustrating is the lack of desire to get things going in the first place ...

I feel like for being only 4 years into a relationship, the desire to be intimate should still be there reasonably often, not just once a week (or even two weeks) when pipes have gotten backed up and need a cleaning.

Am I unreasonable in my expectations???? (Not a rhetorical question by the way)

[newhere808]

Stressed,

If only I had a penny (well, make that a quarter, with the prices these days ) for everytime I've asked myself that...

I've been reading around here for a few weeks (thanks to everyone by the way for all the great information and entertainment!! ) and when I read your question I just HAD to register and vent a bit.

But yes, it's frustrating, and the frustration doesn't come from insecurity (personally, I REALLY don't mind him watching porn or even pointing out someone's or whatever), it's rather the bitter feeling of getting the short end of the stick out of the whole deal. The desire is ovbiously there, just not for you it seems...

And guys, I read your quick and dirty answers , in my situation I don't think it's a matter of lack of responsibility to please back, the willingness to please is there WHEN things get going...what's frustrating is the lack of desire to get things going in the first place ...

I feel like for being only 4 years into a relationship, the desire to be intimate should still be there reasonably often, not just once a week (or even two weeks) when pipes have gotten backed up and need a cleaning.

Am I unreasonable in my expectations???? (Not a rhetorical question by the way)

I'll clarify my "no responsibility" statement, basically I mean no strings attached. Not so much that he preferes it that way, but in that quick moment, stimulation was needed, and it is typically easier to view some porn or stare at something, than it is to initiate intimacy. Especially in this world that pegs guys as being little more than sex craved, it's easy to be reluctant to initiate such things as not to come off as "single minded" to your partner. Not that I condone that, just stating my opinion.

I don't feel that you are being unreasonable at all, but I also don't believe in the idea of losing the desire, not without some external or emotional reason. Perhaps he is not entirely "aware" of your willingess to help him with the last minute urges, either way some communication should clear things up a bit I would think, or perhaps some "convincing" that you are quite happy to help him with his impulses.

[Calicorado83]

Why is it that guys words are cheaper than our understanding of them!?

[Texinator]

Some guys. And they tell you what they think you wanna hear just cause they feel it's easier that way.

[Lifelong Student]

...and another sigh...

Newhere808,

Thank you for your input. I guess a bit more information might be neccessary. The thing is, we're pretty open with our communication, and the issue has come up several times. I explain that it's not really the lack of sex that frustrates me, anyone can manage a quick fix for some pent-up sexual frustration and you certainly don't need a partner for that. It's the lack of intimacy and connection, the feeling of being unwanted (or call that undesired if you wish). Whenever I try to explain that, in just about the same words, for some reason all that he gets out of that is "I NEED to have my fix".

I do understand that it's not a man's responsibility to initiate things all the time, and I do try at times, but can't help feeling even worse when I get turned down. It was hard for me not to get discouraged when I'd get so excited at the thought of wearing something that I assumed would get him revved up, like a leather miniskirt I had bought just because I know he LOVES leather, and have him walk into the house, walk right past me, and into the kitchen...

I do try to please him as best I can, without expecting reciprocation or one-hour long sessions everytime, and he says sex is amazing and does seem to enjoy whatever we do, but doesn't understand that what I crave is the emotional closeness and the feeling of actually being desired by him rather than the mere sexual act.

It's hard to explain, expecially when frustration gets in the way, but I care deeply for him and have even played with the thought of us going to see a councelor maybe, I just want him to see my point of view without thinking it's all because "I just need to get some"...

Well, sorry for all the rambling...it's somewhat relieving to finally talk to someone (or some few ) ...

[Curiosity]

I have really been enjoying reading this thread. It's so nice to get a man's perspective on things.
This is my first post and I have two questions.
Is longeret a big turn on, or does it not matter much? I know it's going to vary from man to man, but they say you are such visual creatures...

Also, why on earth are so many men so possessive over their ladies hair? My husband has a cow if I cut much of anything off the length and I know of quite a few other women that deal with this as well.
Back in 2005, I cut 12" off my hair and donated it to "Locks of Love". My husband was so ****ed that he barely spoke to me for a week and I am not exaggerating.
Just wondering why it's such a huge issue.
That's it for now.
Thanks!

[Explorer44]

oxygen..i think i need some oxygen

LOVE it....thank you, my dear dr....that made my evening (so far! After all, the night is young)

[Calicorado83]

Some guys. And they tell you what they think you wanna hear just cause they feel it's easier that way.

It's easier that way why? SO THEY CAN PLANT THEIR SEED? Do you guys realize when you do that you really HURT our feelings??

[Texinator]

It's easier that way why?

So they can 'get some booty' with minimal effort.

Of course it hurts your feelings. Which is why there are also guys that don't behave like this.