[Maytal]

My boyfriend has promised to be very, very gentle. And hes a good boy and everything, he isn't what I'm worried about. And I'm not having sex any time soon. But how painful is the first time? Especially if your hymen hasn't broken. And it's a lot different from masturbating because he inserts it into your vagina, not your clitorious..
Just any tips, ideas, helpful advice?

[Guest]

Well, It hurts pretty bad. I know some people that have cried their first time. My first time didn't hurt as bad as I was expecting. I suggest you get him to actually finger you inside your vagina. He should use one finger and break it. After that, it will still hurt but no where near as bad,

[Maytal]

Yeah, I was suggested that. How bad does it hurt when it breaks, though?

[WildChild]

If you are really, really aroused, it shouldn't hurt much. Don't rush, have fun playing and exploring and learning what turns you on and what turns him on. Really you should be to get the point of being literally dripping wet before you try it. I think most people aren't half as aroused as they should be, especially the first time.

[Texinator]

There are two possible sources of pain. One is the hymen breaking. But not all females have the same hymen density and many break theirs long before having sex, so that doesn't have to be an issue. The other one is nerves, cause you are not going to be as wet and relaxed if you are nervous.

Your first time having sex shouldn't be the first time you've ever done anything sexually. Get comfortable being naked around each other and touching each other. Have him learn what feels good to you, like through fingering. Then when you're ready to have sex for the first time you'll likely be more aroused than nervous and you might not feel any pain at all.

[Maytal]

There are two possible sources of pain. One is the hymen breaking. But not all females have the same hymen density and many break theirs long before having sex, so that doesn't have to be an issue. The other one is nerves, cause you are not going to be as wet and relaxed if you are nervous.

Your first time having sex shouldn't be the first time you've ever done anything sexually. Get comfortable being naked around each other and touching each other. Have him learn what feels good to you, like through fingering. Then when you're ready to have sex for the first time you'll likely be more aroused than nervous and you might not feel any pain at all.

About the latter: we have done that, and still are doing that.
Just worried about the actual physical pain. Not stress, or nerves.

[Texinator]

Just worried about the actual physical pain. Not stress, or nerves.

Stress and nerves can be a source of pain. The mind plays a huge role in sex. If you're relaxed and excited, your muscles will be loose and your vagina well lubricated. If you're stressed and nervous, your muscles will be tense and your vagina less lubricated. That's why some people even have problems achieving penetration during their first time because they are so stressed that their vagina basically clenches shut.

[laswell89]

Well, I just had sex with my boyfriend for the first time a couple of weeks ago. My hymen had pretty much hardly been stretched or broken at all, and I will be honest with you, sex hurt the first time. However, it really didn't hurt as much as I expected. After he enters you, it'll get easier and easier. Breaking the hymen on entrance is the hardest part for sure and it does hurt for a bit. I bled a little also, so you may want to be prepared for that. But overall, I was surprised that it hurt less than I expected.

Also, and I'm sure some other people said this above me, you have to make sure you're really turned on and wet. My boyfriend went down on me first, and that seemed to help. Lube or a lubricated condom may also help.

[jnd2009]

It didn't hurt as bad as I thought my first time either. I'd say the pain was mainly from it being stretched out 'down there'. He was rather big too which didn't help- but it was fine- just relax and enjoy it.

[Guest]

Truth is: Sex really isn't supposed to hurt whether it's your first time or hundredth time. It most likely hurts because you're too tense and you're not relaxed and... you're anticipating pain.

Now, I know you'll say, "But what about my hymen breaking?" You most likely don't have your hymen anymore, so I wouldn't worry about that. Get into some foreplay and make sure you loosen up a bit and don't tense up. Also, if he's big that shouldn't be a factor either. Vaginas can push out 8 pound babies. :/

Just chillax and don't worry about it. You'll be fine.