[WildChild]

A good counselor should at least help with some communication techiques and coping skills.

[nostromo]

Wow, the OP sounds like me. Same issues and feelings anyway.
Currently in the despair phase here.

[Guest]

couple of suggestions.

sometimes when we talk with our SOs, they hear us talking but dont really listen to the words. I mean they can recite everything back, but dont really comprehend. you should consider writing it all down on a piece of paper or in an email and giving it to him.

when my SO and I were going through a roungh time a few years ago, we put things down in writing and sent them to each other. didnt fix everything right away, but it did seem to help get our points across in a non-argumentative manner. after all, sometimes all we hear is the tone of voice and dont really hear the words.

secondly, you mentioned the toy's and him being against it. mention it again and if he says no tell him it's really his choice. if he doesnt want you to buy one, then he needs to get busy, and if he aint gonna get busy, that means he's giving you his direct and affirmative permission to buy his alter ego!

[calvindoyle]

You can take help with online health pharmacies. Try to arouse your husband by doing more and more foreplay. Also communication is must. Tell him about your sexual desires and try to know his problems also. one of the best pharmacy i have known is (edit) .You can search more on internet.Best of luck.

[Console]

No spousal sex

So glad to hear that I am not the only one with the problem. Wife of 13 years is not interested in having sex as much as I am. When we were dating, we had sex everytime we could, but it has gotten much less over the years. I have spoken to her about it numerous times, but it just does not seem to be as important to her as it is to me. To tell you the truth, that isn't even the whole story. The majority of the time, 90% to 95%, I have to initiate everything. It's also like pulling teeth sometimes. I've tried to talk to her about it. I've asked her if she was not attracted to me anymore, but she says I'm making too big a deal about it. Maybe it is me. I try and have sex with her any chance I get, but she is not the same. She could go three to four weeks without sex and she doesn't seem to have a problem with it. I have told her that making love to her also makes me feel good during the day. I'm a happier person after the sex. When the time comes that we do have sex, it is great, but like I said, I always have to initiate it. I shouldn't have to make my wife have sex with me. I masturbate every day because of my problems. I don't want to cheat on my wife. I just feel she doesn't care about this as mush as I do and I don't know what to do.

[WildChild]

Not unusual from either gender apparently. There has been a lot of discussion about this here.

[manspoint]

["Besides the lack of sex, he is a great husband, very attractive nice looking man, a good father to my children who is not his, cooks, cleans and don't leave the house without a kiss and saying he love me. He is all I been wanting except in having sex which is good when we do have it, just lacking."]

Wow, what a wonderful hubby you have. Sounds to me like you have some communication issues. Maybe he is scared of having sex for some reason. Performance issues, a bad experience, scared of your high expectations.
Before any love making takes place in that house, talk, talk and talk more. Don't yell, accuse, criticize. Sympathize and find out, then build the sexual relationship from scratch, slowly, not demanding.

And see a doctor just in case.

[NK543]

On January 5th you were dying to have sex when you just had it on Christmas? That's not exactly a 'long' break. Not ideal, obviously, but I don't think it's uncommon for people to go a couple of weeks without. Do you masturbate in the meantime? Even without toys you can get yourself off, no? And if he's against toys why not try some sort of vegetable? I know it won't vibrate, but at least you can get some penetration.

Anyway, I'm going through a lot of the same issues as others in this thread, so I wish all of us luck.

[LilahX]

My honest feeling is that if this problem (from either side) exists and the party with the 'issue' refuses to discuss it, or go to a doctor about it, or to counselling and doesn't treat it as a serious thing then the other party is totally entitled to get whawt they need elsewhere.

I realise this won't be a popular opinion, but if one party makes it clear there is a problem and the other party isn't willing to admit it or address it then it is either live with this constantly building resentment, or get what you need. I don't advocate doing this without the knowledge of your partner, but perhaps letting them knkow you're willing to go elsewhere may be the spur they need to take it seriously.

Just out of curiosity, how was your sex life before you got married/moved in together? Was there any hint that things would take this downturn?

[StillLearnin]

My honest feeling is that if this problem (from either side) exists and the party with the 'issue' refuses to discuss it, or go to a doctor about it, or to counselling and doesn't treat it as a serious thing then the other party is totally entitled to get whawt they need elsewhere.

I realise this won't be a popular opinion, but if one party makes it clear there is a problem and the other party isn't willing to admit it or address it then it is either live with this constantly building resentment, or get what you need. I don't advocate doing this without the knowledge of your partner, but perhaps letting them knkow you're willing to go elsewhere may be the spur they need to take it seriously.

Just out of curiosity, how was your sex life before you got married/moved in together? Was there any hint that things would take this downturn?

Agree 100%. I think that the partner that doesn't care about the other's sexual needs or limits or cuts off sex for whatever reason isn't true to the wedding vows just like the partner who goes out and cheats. Years of resentment will build up until it explodes. That happened to me and it wasn't pretty. But we are getting through it. I should have addressed the problems years ago rather than letting the resentment build up like it did. I take the blame for that because I just kept my mouth shut and "did the right thing."

What finally worked for me was after a year and a half of working with her on the problems, and not seeing hardly any changes at all, I finally said something like, "look, this isn't working, I've been trying to work with you, but you obviously don't want to change, so I have one foot out the door because I'm not happy." (I was upset when I said this so it wasn't as calm as I wrote it) It wasn't until then, finally, she saw that I was serious. Now sexually she's a lot more free and actually cares about my needs. She NEVER did before.