[Hopeless Dork]

Guys masturbate. Always have and always will.

No one is going to argue with that. I don't see an influx of women coming to these forums saying ... omgoodess my guy won't watch porn or masturbate... he is making me feel like I am desired oh what the heck to do what to do its awful.

They do it, we know they do it. I don't think it has to stop in a relationship. Its a case by case basis. If a guy can't perform sexually with his partner after he's masturbated... then choosing to masturbate IS affecting the relationship.

If a woman does NOT want sex with her SO , him masturbating , when it affects his drive in a negative way towards is NOT affecting their relationship.

There is the difference. If you are a guy that can masturbate 3 times a day and STILL bring it home in the bed...then hats off to you. But the issue here is men that masturbate then DONT have the energy or drive or desire to bring it home in the bed.

[StillLearnin]

How about this scenario: what if I were to masturbate, then have sex later that day? I have the energy for that. But in this scenario when I have sex later that day it might take me 30 minutes for an orgasm. But if I didn't masturbate earlier it would take me 10 minutes. My wife prefers shorter times. I prefer longer times.

Is masturbating to make myself last longer, when I know that my wife doesn't like to go for a long time, affecting the relationship?

My answer: It is, but in the opposite way it has been discussed.

Or is her requirement for short duration sex affecting the relationship?

Please, discuss amongst yourselves.

[manspoint]

Masturbation and sex with a partner are two different things. The reasons, feelings and outcomes are not the same.
I have a very happy relationship with my wife. When I am away from her (I am away for work all week) I masturbate because I am horny and she is not around. It usually fizzles out to sleep with no orgasm but not always.
She has also masturbated and sent me pics (thankyou babe).
When we are together we often masturbate ourselves as a part of our foreplay. Like totally in to each other and ourselves at the same time. It is extremely erotic.
Don't feel bad about your guy masturbating. It is not a reflection on you. However, suggest to him doing it together and the bedroom will sizzle! Guys love seeing women pleasuring themselves (more than half of porno action).

[manspoint]

Stina...love your look at this subject.
Yes we need solo satisfaction as well as together. We can learn things about ourselves that we can then teach to our partners. Personally, mutual masturbation is a huge turn-on for me.

[Hopeless Dork]

Mutual masturbation is great, I masturbate for my boyfriend... all of that TOGETHER stuff is awesome. The argument stressed made, and that I made... about masturbation affecting the relationship is not the 'together masturbation' you speak of. Or the on a distance, can't be near each other masturbation.

Its the you're at the grocery store, I'm going to masturbate and later when you want sex I'm going to yawn and say... I'm so tired tonight. Thats the kind of masturbation we're talking about.

[manspoint]

Mutual masturbation is great, I masturbate for my boyfriend... all of that TOGETHER stuff is awesome. The argument stressed made, and that I made... about masturbation affecting the relationship is not the 'together masturbation' you speak of. Or the on a distance, can't be near each other masturbation.

Its the you're at the grocery store, I'm going to masturbate and later when you want sex I'm going to yawn and say... I'm so tired tonight. Thats the kind of masturbation we're talking about.

Then there is a definite relationship problem.

[stressed]

Then there is a definite relationship problem.

I would call it a "my man chooses to play with his own organs instead of mine" problem...

[stressed]

Its the you're at the grocery store, I'm going to masturbate and later when you want sex I'm going to yawn and say... I'm so tired tonight. Thats the kind of masturbation we're talking about.

Exactly. If some men can masturbate 5 times a day and still have the energy and will for sex with their partner and if sex with their partner is their first choice, and not a fantasy, then there is nothing to argue about, of course this has no effect on the relationship, why would it? We don't want to tell our men what to do with their privates.

But the situation described above brings terrible feelings with it that no one deserves to receive from the person they love. It's degrading and humiliating to know that porn and masturbation beats you, it makes you feel unwanted by your own man who tells you he loves you when you're together and masturbates as soon as you're gone, or pretends to be too tired or sick and stays home to masturbate instead of coming along. That's not normal.

As for masturbating before sex for your own sake, well you can take turns I guess. One day do it your way the next day do it your wife's way. It doesn't have to be a one way street.

[Stina]

Then there is a definite relationship problem.

Exactly. Seems like it would be a deeply seeded issue that's only surfacing through masturbation.

Sex isn't just about touching and stroking and humping. I don't think people realize it, but if you can't talk about this with your partner, it's not a healthy relationship. Assuming things isn't healthy and, most certainly, feeling slighted isn't healthy either. There should be no guesswork when it come to a sexual relationship.

It boggles my mind that many people have a level of sexual intimacy with their partners equal to that with some random stranger that passes by on the street. Sitting around worrying and guessing that he jerks off because he's not turned on by you is not going to get you anywhere but in whirlwind of your own mental anguish.

If a guy's masturbatory habits are an issue for a woman, she should tell him. She should ask him why he does it. Ask him if he's being fulfilled enough by sex. If he does it to porn, ask him why. Ask him what type of porn he likes. She should make him feel like he can open up to her about it and vice versa.

[stressed]

Exactly. Seems like it would be a deeply seeded issue that's only surfacing through masturbation.

Sex isn't just about touching and stroking and humping. I don't think people realize it, but if you can't talk about this with your partner, it's not a healthy relationship. Assuming things isn't healthy and, most certainly, feeling slighted isn't healthy either. There should be no guesswork when it come to a sexual relationship.

It boggles my mind that many people have a level of sexual intimacy with their partners equal to that with some random stranger that passes by on the street. Sitting around worrying and guessing that he jerks off because he's not turned on by you is not going to get you anywhere but in whirlwind of your own mental anguish.

If a guy's masturbatory habits are an issue for a woman, she should tell him. She should ask him why he does it. Ask him if he's being fulfilled enough by sex. If he does it to porn, ask him why. Ask him what type of porn he likes. She should make him feel like he can open up to her about it and vice versa.

Well, what if you've openly talked about all this many times, he's said that he just watches because he wants to, without even he knowing why or having a certain preference, that he wants to do it alone and yet still isn't up for sex as much as masturbating, not matter how much you've talked about it?
Then there's nothing left to discuss and you're left there with the same mixed feelings, wondering if you should leave him because of sex or not. If it is a deeply seeded issue indeed, unsolved even after multiple open discussions, then it only has to do with the masturbator and not the partner who wants sex.

Because I deny to believe that it's me the one with the problem, because I want a healthy sexual relationship with my man, and not him who is bothered more about having more time home alone to masturbate instead of trying new things to keep him interested in bed. That situation goes beyond comprehension.