[stressed]

For example, I personally do it when he's not at home and that's because sex is dissatisfactory for me but I can't tell him that straight to his face (I try with discussion and we make very slow progress, but he hardly ever does what I like). I've tried with him next to me as well hoping he will wake up and take it from there, but of course he never does. If he asks me I say whether I did or not and he knows the reason. I wouldn't do it at all if I was happy with how it is and I only think of him during it because it's him I want. But you see, it can happen to anyone, man or woman, for various reasons, only it seems to be healthy in your case.

[StillLearnin]

I think it's great that you women are actually concerned if you are satisfying your man, and concerned about his masturbation.

For most men, most of the time, it's just a release. We were born to breed and have a lot of pent up sexual energy. For some men it's a sex addict habit.

I hid it from my wife because she thinks its disgusting and didn't want to be bothered by my sexual needs. An unsaid "don't ask don't tell" policy. The few times I brought it up (a couple times she's "caught" me) over the past 20 years she's said "I don't want to know."

She's getting better now and has a better understanding of my needs. So the next time I'm needing to release at night in bed I'm going to wake her up and see what she'll do. But we're having sex/making love more regularly now, so I don't feel that I need the release like I used to. Occasionally, but nothing like I used to have.

[stressed]

I think the worst thing about finding out about your partner masturbating is feeling inadequate for him. But I also think that this feeling takes over mostly when you have noticed certain patterns in sex that can make you wonder whether sex is good enough or not. If he does the same thing in bed every time and you find him masturbate then you start wonder if he wants to try something new or that what you do is boring for him.

I just can't forget the time when I felt sexually satisfied with my ex and didn't even think about masturbating or caring whether he masturbated or not for a whole year, whereas now it's taken a 180 degree turn for me. It can't be a coincidence.

[Hopeless Dork]

I could careless if my guy masturbated if I didn't want to have sex with him all the time, but I DO. If he wants more sex than I'm in the mood to give I definitely would not mind him masturbating off excess sexual energy. But I think when you are in a relationship, the sexual energy should be used on the partner FIRST, if she wants it... then go have a field day.

So my question here I guess for those that have the guys doing this... would you be willing to or want to have sex as much as their need to masturbate dictates their drives are? If not, then let them have it. If you feel like you WANT more sex than they give you and also know they masturbate often... it might be time to talk about how you'd like them to spend more of that pent up sexuality with you.

I seriously doubt a guy that wanted sex with his girlfriend would be happy to come home and find the dildo on the dresser and her saying... oh sorry honey not tonight, I'm good already. Him being like OK... going to bed unsatisfied and waking up to her playing with that thing again like... eck sorry you were asleep! Oh well maybe next time honey!

No one wants to feel like their own needs and wants are being placed 2nd to fantasy and/or masturbation. I have no bad feelings towards the act as long as it isn't taking away from the intimacy the other partner is craving.

[hanni]

(a couple times she's "caught" me)

i find this interesting - if a guy really didnt want to be 'caught' then he wouldnt be. i guess theres nothing to worry about as long as both of you in a couple are honest about what youre doing - kind of makes me feel a bit better that at least my boyfriend is honest and it doesnt feel like a big dirty secret or anything.

i nearly adopted the "i dont want to know" approach but i actually think im quite glad we talked about it because at least now there arent any 'secrets'

[StillLearnin]

(a couple times she's "caught" me)

i find this interesting - if a guy really didnt want to be 'caught' then he wouldnt be. i guess theres nothing to worry about as long as both of you in a couple are honest about what youre doing - kind of makes me feel a bit better that at least my boyfriend is honest and it doesnt feel like a big dirty secret or anything.

i nearly adopted the "i dont want to know" approach but i actually think im quite glad we talked about it because at least now there arent any 'secrets'

I used quotes because I have always tried to talk to her about my needs but she never wanted to know. I'm glad she walked in on me. But rather than just letting it go when she didn't want to engage in conversation about it, I should have got her to realize way back then that I obviously have needs that aren't being met. That's my fault.

With sex in a marriage there shouldn't be any secrets. Open and honest communication is necessary.

[stressed]

I could careless if my guy masturbated if I didn't want to have sex with him all the time, but I DO. If he wants more sex than I'm in the mood to give I definitely would not mind him masturbating off excess sexual energy. But I think when you are in a relationship, the sexual energy should be used on the partner FIRST, if she wants it... then go have a field day.

So my question here I guess for those that have the guys doing this... would you be willing to or want to have sex as much as their need to masturbate dictates their drives are? If not, then let them have it. If you feel like you WANT more sex than they give you and also know they masturbate often... it might be time to talk about how you'd like them to spend more of that pent up sexuality with you.

I seriously doubt a guy that wanted sex with his girlfriend would be happy to come home and find the dildo on the dresser and her saying... oh sorry honey not tonight, I'm good already. Him being like OK... going to bed unsatisfied and waking up to her playing with that thing again like... eck sorry you were asleep! Oh well maybe next time honey!

No one wants to feel like their own needs and wants are being placed 2nd to fantasy and/or masturbation. I have no bad feelings towards the act as long as it isn't taking away from the intimacy the other partner is craving.

Totally agree with every single word.
Well said.

[Stina]

Sexuality and sexual pleasure are not based only upon what is done between us and our partners. Many of us begin masturbating and exploring our bodies at very young ages, myself included. We do this alone and it's healthy and normal. It feels good. I'm not sure why that needs to stop once we find ourselves in relationships.

As much as I adore the sex life I have with my boyfriend, I need some solo time too. I like touching myself, trying new toys out, etc. There are times where I prefer to just do it myself. It doesn't mean I find our sex life any less fulfilling.

As for men, though, I've learned (and some guys on here have confirmed) that it's a necessary physical release for them. I'm a girl and if I didn't do it regularly, I might kill someone. My boyfriend masturbates a lot too. To porn. So do I. Sometimes we do it together.. to porn. No biggie.

I think communication is key here. If masturbation bothers you, tell your partner why. If you like it, tell your partner why. Don't just assume you're "not fulfilling" your partner's needs. Ask.

[stressed]

Sexuality and sexual pleasure are not based only upon what is done between us and our partners. Many of us begin masturbating and exploring our bodies at very young ages, myself included. We do this alone and it's healthy and normal. It feels good. I'm not sure why that needs to stop once we find ourselves in relationships.

As much as I adore the sex life I have with my boyfriend, I need some solo time too. I like touching myself, trying new toys out, etc. There are times where I prefer to just do it myself. It doesn't mean I find our sex life any less fulfilling.

As for men, though, I've learned (and some guys on here have confirmed) that it's a necessary physical release for them. I'm a girl and if I didn't do it regularly, I might kill someone. My boyfriend masturbates a lot too. To porn. So do I. Sometimes we do it together.. to porn. No biggie.

I think communication is key here. If masturbation bothers you, tell your partner why. If you like it, tell your partner why. Don't just assume you're "not fulfilling" your partner's needs. Ask.

May I just add that release may be normal and healthy but too much masturbation, especially for men, is not healthy and that is clinically confirmed. Apart from that, it's each to their own.

[skipper]

May I just add that release may be normal and healthy but too much masturbation, especially for men, is not healthy and that is clinically confirmed. Apart from that, it's each to their own.

OMG! I might be killing myself. What is 'too much masturbation'? 10 to 20 times a day or, 'gulp', more? Just kidding, I never masturbate more than 7 or 8 times a day .

Guys masturbate. Always have and always will. If the two of you enjoy a hot and lusty sexual relationship, he will masturbate to fantasies of you. If you have a crappy relationship, he will masturbate to fantasies of others. The bottom line is that guys wack off occasionally. The more one on one sex they have w/ their SO, the less they masturbate. I haven't choked the chicken (where does this come from?) in a long, long time, but my wife and I have sex every day. She drains me, so to speak.