[danceintx]

Wow, hopeless. You could have been describing me. And I agree about the forum. Since being on here I have learned to first try to work things out before taking off. It has helped me as well.

[StillLearnin]

The one thing I have learned in this forum that I have taken to heart and prospered in my relationship from is communication. Saying what you are feeling, and saying it in a way that promotes compromise and negates blame.

I agree. The problem though is having a partner that doesn't want the communication, and would rather bury their head in the sand and ignore the issues. When it gets to that point its time to make decisions like is it worth the effort to keep trying (if in a long term relationship especially with children it is), or is it time to pack up and get on with your life. If you choose to keep trying the use of tools like self help books, counseling, and if none of that works (if they refuse) it might even come down to an ultimatum. Sometimes that's what it takes to get their attention and show them how serious you are about your needs being met.

[typroctor]

Just curious, are you on the pill? I had the same issue for years, and it took me 8 years to figure out that the pill was diminishing my sex drive. I had no idea until after I had children and my husband decided to have a vasectomy. I also had headaches while on the pill and they stopped as well. Now we are doing better than ever! If you are not on the pill, I would consider having your hormone levels checked, as this is the same concept. Good luck! P.S- Other meds such as anti-depressants can cause low sex drive.

[Guest]

hormone levels out of whack

i know that alot of people want to believe that the body and mind and spirit are all seperate, its a theological anachronism.. but i assume that you are asian by your picture and your name. there is some evidence that alot of asian people produce less testosterone than other races - africoids being the highest. this results in overall smaller size, less body hair, smaller genitals for the men and women alike and sorry to say lower sex drive for alot of women.
the emotions you are feeling are a direct result of your body chemistry. most people would like to believe that human beings are 100 percent the product of his or her environment and habits but this is simply just not true. you feel emotional about sex, and chances are, you very sensitive about alot of other things as well. you feel that strong "in love" connection to your mate, you want to cuddle, you want to know all of his thoughts, share of all of yours... sound familiar? sex seems like a chore. and worse, something you dread and build up in your mind as almost evil and as it gets closer to the time for you to "do the deed" the feeling intesifies and you are filled with negative emotions like fear, and emotional pain. the reason for that is because the part of your brain that triggers those emotions runs on chemicals just like the rest of your brain. because your estrogen is too high and testosterone is too low that part of your brain is running at full speed while the sexually agressive part of your brain is running on empty. hormone therapy is a sensitive subject with doctors right now. on the one hand you are not happy. your quality of life is not as high as it could be. you may never be happy or sexually content in any relationship, which is a large part of any relationship, we are sexual creatures after all. but on the other hand you may speak to a doctor and they may tell you that you are healthy and hormome therapy can have terrible side affects you dont want. can put you at risk for things you would not otherwide be at risk for. these doctors will be sure to push some other mood leveling drug to help you cope with the sadness and depression but that is treating the symptom and not the problem. however it has the least risk.
there are other means of trying to raise your testosterone levels more naturally, some diet and exersize tips can be found in a million places on the internet along with all kinds of over the counter remedies and herbal supplements. but i can tell you without a doubt these will only work until your body adjusts to the new habits and substances if you indeed do have low hormone levels.
here is something no one else will tell you tho.. if you take Yohimbe, found in the over the counter male enhancement drug enzyte, one pill 3 times a week, you will turn into a sexual beast. it will cause your genitals to be in a state of almost being aroused constantly through increased blood flow and you will be more sensitive. but since this is less natural than regular testosterone you could have side affects like headaches or high blood pressure. but it is possible that it could "turn on the switch" chemically in your brain if your body starts to associate sex with positive feelings and experiences. there is also ways you can get testosterone on the internet, i think you can order it from over seas as a cream or patch. but its very expensive this way and not FDA approved in this country. if you choose to go that route go with other first world countries like australia. and make sure you get the femal dosage... there is a huge difference. unless you want a musctache and a huge clit. on a side note.. any claims that testosterone can be taken orally without side affects is not true. the hormone is mostly destroyed in the stomach and the only way it isnt is if it combines with another chemical which is harmful to your liver.. as a woman however you may require such a small amount that pills may be an option, but always go with a cream or patch if you can. you should not need shots unless your body is horribly out of whack