[pretzel]

Well, for what it's worth,

If there is a compatibility of sex drives (and assume its on the high side) I don't think that the effects on everyday life would be so dramatically different as to cause interuptions in day to day activities. What it will do is create a sense of wanting to work together. There is a very real bonding mechanism with a satisfactory sex life. The willingness to do for each other is greatly increased and tensions are greatly decreased.

The void created by having partners on the opposite ends of the spectrum is generally filled with frustration and resentment. Those feelings ultimately carry over into our daily lives whether we like it or not.

[WildChild]

Very true. I think if both have a high sex interest then everything you do can be a part of foreplay.

And the frustration can be palpable. It really will drag you down. I dan't have an answer for that other than you either find comon ground or go separate ways. There are so many people complaining of spouses who have no interest, there should be a way to connect those people...

[pretzel]

Very true. I think if both have a high sex interest then everything you do can be a part of foreplay.

And the frustration can be palpable. It really will drag you down. I dan't have an answer for that other than you either find comon ground or go separate ways. There are so many people complaining of spouses who have no interest, there should be a way to connect those people...

Part of the question that isn't being asked, I think, is what happens when one partner's drive goes from one side to the other. I think that would be a common theme in alot of the discussions.

One of the biggest reasons I joined the board was to try to find answers and to have an outlet for my feelings on this.

I still don't have answers, but at least I have a friendly outlet.

[WildChild]

I know what you are saying, misery loves company.
It's hard to know what to do when things start off great and you seem to be soo lined up on critical points and then one permanently goes off in another direction. We can't expect people to remain static, they shouldn't but when one shut down sexually, what is the other supposed to do?
Right now the societal answer seems to be - just lump it.

I think this death do you part stuff needs to change. I like "as long as love shall last". It puts a little edge there, a need to keep on it. The idea that you are married/committed, you can give that a rest is stupid. But many people do it.

[pretzel]

I know what you are saying, misery loves company.
It's hard to know what to do when things start off great and you seem to be soo lined up on critical points and then one permanently goes off in another direction. We can't expect people to remain static, they shouldn't but when one shut down sexually, what is the other supposed to do?
Right now the societal answer seems to be - just lump it.

I think this death do you part stuff needs to change. I like "as long as love shall last". It puts a little edge there, a need to keep on it. The idea that you are married/committed, you can give that a rest is stupid. But many people do it.

Or at a minimum, as long as you don't take each other for granted.

[Casidi]

I've always wondered about the scenario of two highly oversexed people who are perfect for each other in the bedroom being perfect or each other in life.

Both people would probably be driven Type A personalities, the relationship might be a lot more volatile, with lots of emotions and drama.

I don't mean to hijack the thread, but this has caused me to wonder. I've always wondered, just not out loud.

I wonder if being lucky to find a sexually compatible partner, like in my case, a very sexual woman, would cause other problems in the home and family? Do we need a partner that isn't as sexual to keep the balance and the relationship stable?

Thoughts?

I'm going to go ahead and say no. Me and my significant other have very different libidos, and it has pretty much killed our relationship. We would be much happier if our libidos were on par with each other. I know I haven't read all the other posts, but I'm just going to say that right off the bat.

[StillLearnin]

There are so many people complaining of spouses who have no interest, there should be a way to connect those people...

I haven't looked to see what the dating sites offer, but they should have part of the profile, or comparison, a sexual compatibility score. Things like frequency of sex, variety, interests, etc. should be saved in the profile, then a match score can be determined. Problem is it will only work if the member is truthful when providing the profile info. But that's a problem with everything in the profile too. People lie to get interest, which is sad.

[lowprofile]

thought!!

There will be problems in a mismatched sex drive relationship because of the frustrations and resentments that will occur. There will be problems in a matched sex drive relationship because two of that type of personality could clash, and the passion could get in the way of day to day life (that's a big could because most people would control it. Kids still have to be fed, bills paid, errands run.). So, there's going to be problems either way.

I think it would be worth it to be in a matched sex drive relationship and deal with those type of problems instead of the problems in a mismatched relationship. At least there will be consistent hot passionate sex. And the reality is all relationships have issues that have to be dealt with

.

my thought agree with above conclusion:
but the more importantly u should know to control it or manage it or balance it (whatever the suitable word here) to carry on the other important life stuff......

[Bostongirl77]

Personally, I've yet to find a match for my sex drive. This has caused significant frustration both on my part and also on the part of my partners. It actually contributed to the break up of my marriage. I think that it makes a real difference in whether a relationship survives or not.Just my two cents worth, anyway.

[WildChild]

I haven't looked to see what the dating sites offer, but they should have part of the profile, or comparison, a sexual compatibility score. Things like frequency of sex, variety, interests, etc. should be saved in the profile, then a match score can be determined. Problem is it will only work if the member is truthful when providing the profile info. But that's a problem with everything in the profile too. People lie to get interest, which is sad.

I agree this is a problem and I've encountered it more than once. Never used a dating site but just meeting someone, you can talk and talk and share things such as what your sexual interests and limits are and it can seem like you are really on the same page. But when it comes down to reality, they might have said they have a high drive but what they really mean is they masterbate a lot and that doesn't translate into sex the relationship.

I don't know if it's lying so much as different understandings. To me darned everything and anything can be sensual and a lead in to sex. I love letting it build up all day or maybe a couple of days and then taking time to fully experience what that build up can do. I don't separate sex into a little box, distinct from the rest of life and seems many people do. What one person thinks of as a high interest another may think of as average or low.