[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)

[WildChild]

Been there. Sounds like a control issue. He wants it when he wants it, tough luck when you want it.

[Hopeless Dork]

I think I've heard WC discuss the notion that when in a relationship, its the person with the lower sex drive that has all the power and I really do think thats true.

When one partner has a high drive and is rejected often... it makes it harder for them to reject the partner that finally comes around now and then. So they never really get to experience that 'denial of service'... when they want it , they have a willing partner... and when they don't want it, it just doesn't happen.

Some people don't even recognize that and its a non issue in the relationship but some people will take that power and use it to control their mate.

You see this more often with women, I've noticed. That will be more inclined to sex after hubby/bf does something for her outside of the bedroom be it financial or just a chore.

And its awful whether either sex does it. I've dealt with sexual rejection before in the way that my boyfriend has been too tired to have sex some days when I wanted to and its an extremely difficult blow to take. 1. Just in not getting your needs met 2. In feeling rejected in general 3. Worrying about feelings of worth and adequacy "why doesn't he want me"? It is just all around a hard thing to deal with.

He's not done the 'tomorrow' or 'if your lucky' comments I think I would be just as furious as you, no, I KNOW I'd be just as furious as you if he ever said those things. So I undestand your hurt and frustration.

I think the problem with telling him 'tomarrow' when he wants it too, is just giving him even more of an excuse to say 'tomorrow' to you the next time. Unless you genuinly just don't want to do it then of course don't. But if you want sex and he wants it... I wouldn't avoid it just to prove a point.

[sourpuss]

I totally agree with WC and HD! It's so frustrating. I'm sorry.

[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I wouldn't ask, I would just act.

If I saw my man in the shower erect, I would either smile and say, "there's something really sexy about seeing that" and smile, and walk out, or I'd touch it, smile and say, my man... and see what he does, not act further, or I'd just jump in the shower with him.

I think "words" stay in a person's mind, but I also think that it's perfectly okay to discuss a problem or else how do you solve it? It's more of a matter of how you discuss it, rather than just making a statement. Ie) it could be because your always tired and therefore, that's in my mind and I can't just let go and let it all happen.

CW

[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)

[Hopeless Dork]

I've taken the edge off him thinking every touch will lead to sex by simply not taking his inniciations every time were close or not giving any of my own. That way its still a surpise and not... okay every time she sits this way or touches like this it means she wants sex... I like to keep him guessing as to what indicates I want more and it makes him have to be more creative in how he also indicates its sex that is on his mind.

Sometimes I turn a cuddle into a blow job and sometimes a sexy kiss into a nap and sometimes I will just crawl to him and start licking his pants when he's cooking lol and then LEAVE it there. Just a tease now and then though when he is good and wanting it I make sure to not leave him hanging as I don't like to be left that way myself.

But I think its good to promote touching , even sexual touches when sex isn't the end result of them... it makes the encounter, when it does happen , all the more anticipated than just oh gosh there she goes again I know what happens next :P

[Texasred]

It looks like the OP once again shows that it's more often a communication problem and not a sex problem.
Another thing is for sure: like CW said, "Words stay in a person's mind," so it's a good idea to be real careful that you don't say anything out of spite that you wouldn't want to have endlessly running through you SO's head.
Yeah, I know: that's not really pertinent to this thread, but it's worth saying if only to remind myself.