[WildChild]

We've tried to gently tell some men that were probably turning the woman in their life off, maybe too gently. That can be very true. But there can be many other factors as well including the effects of BC or other medications, stress and unbringing.

[Faerunner]

OK, this sounds like a happy ending but...
I've got to wonder: was this whole thread just one long infomercial for that book?
Pardon me for my cynicism if I'm wrong, and best wishes for both of you.
It does sound like a storybook ending though, doesn't it?
And those only come in fairytales.

Considering another poster in another thread just copy/pasted almost the exact same text... yeah, spam.

Ugh!

[dyunysus]

infomercial are you serious?

well just to say this quickly, no not infomercial for a book. I was dealing with her reduced sex drive since our first kid was born 5yrs ago, and her practically having none since our second about 9 months ago. this put me and our relationship through .
However everyone is entitled to their opinion!
Let me just say i did state that the book does not tell you anything you don't already know. You as a man, may have simply become oblivious to the fact that you are turning your wife off. i just was awakened to this fact by reading it.
It finally made me examine me not her and realize that when i stopped treating her as my queen, she stopped treating me as her king. (big surprise, huh)

Just stop and ask yourself, when was the last time you bought your wife some flowers?, held her in bed all night without trying to get laid?, got someone to take the kids and took her to dinner and do something exciting (exciting for her not for you.) Take her to a concert of her favorite singer, out for drinks and dancing. Or maybe just get away for the weekend and go horseback riding or something.
It was actually pretty simple one line explanation:

THE ROMANCE CANNOT STOP AT THE END OF THE HONEYMOON, guys stop being lazy, and give your women what she is craving.......the real you! you know the one she originally met all those years ago, who would do anything for her, without expecting sex all the time in return.

Well i guess that really was not that short, but you get the idea.

[WildChild]

It's a lovely idea.

[SarahW]

Hi Dyunyus,
The good news is that there are possible prescription and nonprescription solutions (below). Just be aware that figuring out how to increase the female sex drive is complicated because the desire to make love is influenced by so many factors including physical, emotional, relationship satisfaction, and the setting you are in. Possible causes of low sex drive in women include stress or anxiety, medications (anti-depressants, birth control pills) complexity of health issues (Diabetes, MS, cancer) and fatigue.

Of course, you should ask her to talk with her doctor about this. Here is a list of possible steps you can take:
• Ask her to have her doctor check her thyroid function.
• Ask her to check if there are any sexual side effects of any medications that she may be taking.

• Zestra (nonprescription)
Two placebo-controlled studies published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy showed that this proprietary blend of botanicals (including borage seed and evening primrose oils, Angelica root and vitamins C and E) provided a significant increase in arousal, desire, genital stimulation, ability to orgasm and pleasure. The treatment also worked equally well on women using SSRI antidepressant medicines. Although it is nonprescription, she should talk to her doctor first before using this or anything else.

• Hormone Therapies (prescription)
Localized estrogen therapy - Placing estrogen directly into the vagina soothes vaginal tissue, and allows the secretions necessary for comfortable sex. They are available as suppository tablets, creams, or "rings," which sit inside the vagina and give off small doses of the hormone over time.
Compounded testosterone cream - Some pharmacies that make medicine from scratch offer testosterone creams and gels, but you'll need a doctor’s prescription.

• Vitamin E (nonprescription)
When used locally in the vagina it can help rehydrate tissue and may possibly increase sensation. Although it is nonprescription, she should talk to her doctor first before using this or anything else.

[JoliAvocat]

You are on opposite schedules, have tiny kids and are a very busy professional couple. I think it's probably tough for her to get off of her shift and then switch to thinking about sex so soon after she arrives home. I do understand your paths don't cross much and this may be the only private time you have. Try watching some porn instead of the massage. You can mute it if you need privacy. That would require less effort in the warm up. The fact that you are talking to each other about it is great. I wish you both the best of luck.

[stressed]

I think its a shame that a woman can just say she has no sex drive. Thats selfish why did she get married to someone she doesnt wanna have sex with.

Both men and women can lose their sex drive after a number of years. In most cases, both have an equal sex drive when they marry, but one of them can lose it along the way. It's hormones. It happens.

I dont know many men who turn down sex, it is def a womens thing for the most part. Maybe theres a small percentage of men but im sure its miniscule.

There's an equal percentage of men as well as women who turn down sex with their partner over no good obvious reason. Just because many girls may have turned you down and just because you are always ready for sex (I assume you are young) does not mean that everybody is like you
[/QUOTE]

I mean really when u stop to think about it, even if they have a low sex drive what is it they really have to do. They have to lay in bed with the man they love and have sex, eventually theyll prob feel really good from it.

Women are not ready for sex 24/7 just because they do not have a penis. They also need to be stimulated and "wet" in order to enjoy sex. Vaginas don't have a sign "open every day, all day, plus Sundays and holidays", they are as complicated as a penis. I don't see how you got that impression from.

So gimme a break, even with a low sex drive man or woman should have sex with their partner. Sure go to a dr to get it diagnosed but really what is this hardship they have to endure? Lay down in bed with ur spouse and do it. Do these low sex drive people not remember that sex usual;ly ends in an orgasm which is the best feeling on earth? They dont remember that that is how sex ends? I just dont get it.

Have you considered the possibility that 'maybe' those women don't get an orgasm when sex is like that? When they are seen as a piece of meat that's supposed to lie there and wait for the man to be done?

i have a long term girlfriend and i relate to the writer of the post, i just feel its ridiculous cuz all u gotta do is go in bed and do it for a lil while and at the end u have an orgasm.

But that's how it is for many men. They just see it as jumping in bed, thrusting for a few minutes and reaching an orgasm. But it is practically different with women, they need a lot more than that to enjoy sex and reach an orgasm. If they don't enjoy sex with their partner I don't see why they should be forced to have it just because. They should either work hard to improve it or look for another partner instead.

Its not like she has to dig a ditch or climb a mountain or something crazy. She has to take some clothes off and roll around with a dude she loves for 10-15 mins once in a while. im not a mysogynist i just see it like it is. That is not some hardship this woman has to go thru. Its not like sex is an allergy that makes her wanna throw up. She just isnt in the mood and refuses to try to get in the mood. Thats not right whether its a man doing that or a woman.

Many women try that, and much more, than what you've just described to make their man want to have sex with them. I just think you have to be a little bit open minded when it comes to men/women's approach towards sex. Both can deal with such frustration.

Do you know how many men say it's easier to masturbate than have sex? I know it's hard for you to believe, but it happens. Women can say "all he has to do is get an erection, get there, get an orgasm, not a big deal" but yet they don't do that. They think "why get into all the fuss of foreplay and setting the mood to get an orgasm and not just do it by myself for 10 minutes?". Does it make sense? No. But it happens.

But I do think it's incredibly selfish for a woman that knows her libido has dropped and does not investigate it.

I thought the OP's wife did check her hormones and went to the doctor, so she did investigate her condition.

I'd say more to the OP, but it seems like he's solved the problem.