[Hopeless Dork]

There are exceptions to everything and its sad that some innocent teenagers involved in a normal relationship with a couple years age difference get swept up with the same net as methodical sexual predators. I do think there needs to be a standard in place ...like it being illegal to have sex with someone under 16 if you are older than 16.

Just because a 19 year old and 14 year old go to same high school that law needn't bend. There are some small towns where all ages go to the same school. 1st graders ride the bus along with sophmores. Anyone without mental challenges over the age of 16while they might not agree with the law should be able to understand it as well as they do a seatbelt law etc.

I do think some young men can get swindled by a young girl lying about her age and do believe there should be some sort of safety net that would not lead to jail time. Like a man meeting an underage girl at a nightclub that is for 21 and up. He would assume, her age based on the club rules and I think the nightclub should be held liable if charges were later made.

I was abused for years as a little girl and my self esteem was in the crapper until... well... probably... I guess it still is, but I've gotten a handle on it since adulthood that I didn't have as a minor child of 13.

No, the man that used me did not know my history. I 100% wanted to have sex with him. Nothing would have stopped me... except him deciding to be a responsible adult and not accept my offerings.

I was crushed to the point of suicidal thoughts when he stopped calling me back and had a friend tell me he wasn't going to be speaking to me any more after I had sex with him. But I got over it and went on to let a lot of guys worse than him use me for the rest of my teenage years.

I say they used me, but I allowed them to, so maybe I mean I allowed myself to be used by these men. Now as a grown up, I think of the lies they told me, how gullible I was and how they must have hurt their stomachs holding back in laughter and how I bought into so many stupid things.

A girl that is sexually promiscuous very young (though not always the case) usually is coming from a situation of abuse. It was true for myself and many friends I've had that were also the same way. There is a sense of self worth that is lost when someone abuses you sexually. For some girls it turns them off sex all together, for others it lowers their inhibitions as they virtually feel like they are worthless anyway so who cares, and for others it causes them to seek out "love" or "proof of worth" by any means necessary.

Its up to the grown up, the mentally responsible party to know that they can get what they want from a person but have the ability to walk away and not leave a damaged person even more damaged.

I don't regret that man at 13, because if it wasn't him it would have been some other dbag because there is no shortage of men willing to take advantage of a weak minded child.

[WildChild]

HD, don't be so hard on yourself you were seeking to fill a void and simply had no way of knowing how. When we are desperate, in need, vulnerable or weak there is always a predator waiting to take advantage.

[A Dying Breed]

Well I come down the same path, but I guess it proves that everybody is different. I was abused for about 10 years as a kid, and it ended up making me antisocial and borderline crazy. Disassociative black outs, depression, anxiety attacks, migraines, and (edit) load of other stuff.

And I didn't have a girlfriend until I was 19.

yes, 14 seems young (only reason I say that age is because it is my gf's opinion and I am whipped )

And honestly, when I was in high school there was no real difference between seniors and freshman and everybody in between. Except the older you got, the more you partied and the more you slacked. I guess I am veering off point, since 16 seems to be a fair and balanced age.

[jns]

HD: I'm sorry that your youth was so tragic. How did you finally gain control of your life? As an adult have you ever met any of the guys that took advantage of you and had a conversation with them? Please don't answer if it is too painful.

[Little]

As I was an authority figure to freshmen when I was a senior ... I saw myriad differences in maturity. Like, four years' life experience difference, to be precise, and it was huge. If you've only lived 15 years, another four will bring monumental changes.
HD brings up a good point - the adult should be an adult and have the presence of mind to say no. It's not like the the laws about minors and adults are unknown or unheard of - there is fair warning everywhere, on TV, on the radio, in our urban legends, on the internet ... everywhere. You'll go to jail if you bed a minor, as an adult. There's no excuse not to know.
When I was 16, I was engaging in oral sex with my boyfriend and got caught by the cops on one of our dates - after many long and awkward one-sided conversations with my mother, I realized her affirmation that I was too young was correct. The relationship had started to feel like a bad mudslide. A young teenager cannot properly say no, particularly not when there are raging hormones throwing themselves in the way. And laws to protect them in their inability to say no really shouldn't be vilified.
But they are. Teenagers being tried as adults and cases of willful impersonation add to it. A 17-year-old boy should be protected the same as a 17-year-old girl ... neither are ADULTS. And a 22-year-old who can't know that the girl he bedded wasn't over 21 (let alone 18,) he should have plausible deniability. The failures of the justice system shouldn't make us want to throw out the baby with the bathwater.

[StillLearnin]

In Texas, the age of consent is 17, but only if the partner is within 3 years of age. So a 20 year old can legally have sex with a 17 year old, if consentual.

[KMonte85]

I think it is so hard to apply an all-encompassing law when it comes to teenagers, young adults, and sex. Teens and young adults are all over the spectrum of maturity and morality. In reality, there is a difference between physical maturity and emotional maturity, each person developing at their own individual pace.. and drawing a hard line where those two types of maturity meet is a tough job for lawmakers who want to make sure kids aren't being taken advantage of sexually.

In my state, age of consent is 17. When I was 13 I can remember being more mature than a lot of 17 year old I knew, both mentally and physically. Then again, I also knew some teens my own age who were more inclined to act their shoe size than their actual age.

I lost my virginity at 16, to a 20 year old. I was a sophomore in HighSchool, just got my drivers license and my first after school job at walmart.. he had graduated 2 years before and was working full time. He could have gone to jail, and many may say he used me...

...except for one simple fact. It is 8 years later and we're still together, and love each other as much as we ever did when we first started dating and having sex. We live together now, we plan our future with each other in mind, talk about marriage and kids, and other than a few arguments here and there we get along about as perfectly as any couple could.

So was/is he a pedophile? Should he be rotting in jail right now (and feasibly for another 5 years or so) because he put his 20 year old hands on my 16 year old body? At 16, I knew EXACTLY what I was doing. I had plenty of boyfriends before him, some younger than me, some older. They always pushed for sex, I always said no, and that always ended the relationship. I dated him for months before having sex, until I loved him and he loved me, until I knew he was more than just some teenage crush. And he never pressured me, he waited.

So I can't feasibly say that a 20 year old and a 16 year old can't have something special. But it depends on the teen and the young adult. Though they are physically at different stages, and perhaps their lifestyles differ to due to highschool vs real world, if the mental and emotional maturity is there, it can very well be more than just some dirty rendevous. And that to me means the punishment for being caught shouldn't be as grave as they are.

[A Dying Breed]

I think it is so hard to apply an all-encompassing law when it comes to teenagers, young adults, and sex. Teens and young adults are all over the spectrum of maturity and morality. In reality, there is a difference between physical maturity and emotional maturity, each person developing at their own individual pace.. and drawing a hard line where those two types of maturity meet is a tough job for lawmakers who want to make sure kids aren't being taken advantage of sexually.

In my state, age of consent is 17. When I was 13 I can remember being more mature than a lot of 17 year old I knew, both mentally and physically. Then again, I also knew some teens my own age who were more inclined to act their shoe size than their actual age.

I lost my virginity at 16, to a 20 year old. I was a sophomore in HighSchool, just got my drivers license and my first after school job at walmart.. he had graduated 2 years before and was working full time. He could have gone to jail, and many may say he used me...

...except for one simple fact. It is 8 years later and we're still together, and love each other as much as we ever did when we first started dating and having sex. We live together now, we plan our future with each other in mind, talk about marriage and kids, and other than a few arguments here and there we get along about as perfectly as any couple could.

So was/is he a pedophile? Should he be rotting in jail right now (and feasibly for another 5 years or so) because he put his 20 year old hands on my 16 year old body? At 16, I knew EXACTLY what I was doing. I had plenty of boyfriends before him, some younger than me, some older. They always pushed for sex, I always said no, and that always ended the relationship. I dated him for months before having sex, until I loved him and he loved me, until I knew he was more than just some teenage crush. And he never pressured me, he waited.

So I can't feasibly say that a 20 year old and a 16 year old can't have something special. But it depends on the teen and the young adult. Though they are physically at different stages, and perhaps their lifestyles differ to due to highschool vs real world, if the mental and emotional maturity is there, it can very well be more than just some dirty rendevous. And that to me means the punishment for being caught shouldn't be as grave as they are.

THIS is the point I am trying to make. Since the age of 13, I've been more mature than practically 95% of people I knew, no matter what age. And so I guess because I was never so immature and emotionally vulnerable, it's harder for me to empathize with people that aren't.


Unfortunately, your story is normally only the exception that proves the rule. And while 15/16 year olds can't live by themselves, I guess I do believe they have the choice and the ability to know if they want sex or not. And the three year rule seems to be really good, so I guess it's not a terrible law everywhere.

And I'm sure the same people who talk about 20 year olds using 16 year olds say "well thats different". And it isnt really. Im sure the majority of girls your age who were in the same situation except ended up "used" felt almost the exact same way. Personally, I wouldn't think the man should go to jail, whether he was with you for 8 years or 8 minutes. Having to pay thousands of dollars, community service work, or at least a "three strikes" system should be better than hauling somebody off into the same environment as drug dealers, rapists, and murderers.

[KMonte85]

Sure some 16 year olds don't get the lovey dovey finish that my teenage relationship got, some dbags really do just seek out younger people to take advantage of, feeding them lines of bull to get in their pants and then bailing. But at 15 or 16, the teen should have the tools to make an educated decision if they want to have sex or not, if they are comfortable with the relationship to that extent or not. I guess you could say the same for anyone on the dating scene, regardless of age lol

I really think teens, 15/16 year old specifically, aren't given the mental capacity credits they deserve. We're more than happy to give them a license to drive a vehicle and send them on the highways at 65 miles per hour, but believe they can't decide who gets to stick what where on their bodies? And like was said earlier (I think by Little..), there are so many instances now where we try teens as adults in the court of law. So why the disconnect? Why are they vulnerable children in some cases, and responsible "adults" in others?

I absolutely agree w/ you on the ridiculous harsh punishments.. and lets not forget that the punishment doesn't end with the jailtime.. they are "lifers" in the sense that they need to report their address to the state, remain on a very public, very searchable sex offender registry, which may include both pictures and current address, but never the circumstances of the crime -child rapist vs 18 yr old who had sex with a 16yo Sig other - that pc of information is never divulged. So they will be considered sickos for the rest of their lives... drug dealers and murderers serve their time and that's about the end of it as far as the public knows.

[A Dying Breed]

I completely agree on the mental capacity of 16 year olds. Yeah I knew A LOT of kids in high school who acted ridiculously immature. But it's because they wanted to, not because it was their nature. I think alot of teens get scared in high school that they'll never have fun again and just go bull crazy.

And I forgot all about the sex offender registry. An 18 year old with a 16 year old will get the exact same label as a 50 year old with an 8 year old. WTF???

I guess it's just parents who don't want to let go of their kids, and think it's actually progressive when they lock people away for decisions THEIR children make.

It takes two to tango, yet 15 and 16 year olds are treated like they know nothing about the world. I know that's how I felt.

And while it is a ridiculous punishment, at least there arent many parents who are going to try to lock people away, because I think doing something like that would honestly alienate your child from you for the rest of your life. And at least kids are a little more careful about being caught