[pittsburgh44]

If you can't resolve this, DON"T marry her. Why would you want to sign up for years of sexual neglect? Marriage won't make it better, if anything it will get worse.

You might try getting a few books for the two of you to read and try. One Hour Orgasm has detailed instructions for both genders on bringing their partner to orgasm without intercourse. Going Down is about oral sex and again, has info for both. Let her know that the blythe attitude that she just doesn't do that, won't fly and that if this can't be resolved, the engagement will be - not as a threat but as a simple fact. She has every right to limit her sexual experience but she needs a partner who is equally limited. You cannot force her to change, all you can do is make your needs clear and move on if she is unwilling to share a more fullfilling sex life.

Take some time and read through some of the many threads here from men and women who are dealing with or have dealt with, sexually incompatible partners. Sex is a very big part of who we are and the joy we have in life and our chosen partner. Many of have found what seemed to a compatible lover only to have them take it away later, you are starting with this. Set yourself a timeline, work on it and there is no substantual change, lovingly wish her well and move on.

I have bought 3 books for myself (practiced tantra for many years 7 have MUCH more experience than her but still wanted to make things better sexually for her) and 1 for herself........ nada

[stressed]

Does she say she's too tired for sex when you initiate, or does she look not interested? Maybe she feels too tired for sex, or it has never been her priority, or she doesn't feel as if she needs it (although none of this gives her a reason to avoid sex). She doesn't seem to be interested in sex in any sense, or think about it as something special.

You have to tell her that you love her a lot, but your sex drive is obviously much higher than hers and this may cause problems in the relationship in the future. Tell her that it has reached a point where you're sexually frustrated and don't think you can live like this forever. It will either make her realize that she has more work to do, or that you're very incompatible.

[WildChild]

I won't leave her, everything about her is perfect and she shows how much she truly cares for me on a daily basis, ALWAYS, just not sexually..... I tried many convo's about this, and she feels very bad but nothing comes of it... but thanks for your input.

She sounds like a great freind, not a fiancee.

At your ages sex 2 to 3 times a month is pathetic and a bit weird. You've put up with this for three years? Are you sure your sex drive is where it should be?

It's your life, you chose. Understand that after 3 years, this is unlikely to change - not impossible but unlikely. We have some women here who were disinterested in sex for years and finally turned it around but they had to decide that was what they wanted to do.

BC can kill a woman's sex drive. A woman with little interest will likely be even less interested in pleasuring you. Does she orgasm? I mean really, can you feel the muscle contractions? Does she masterbate?

[pretzel]

From another Pittsburgher,

Just a couple of thoughts that I haven't seen posted, but have been recurring themes during my stay here that have been extremely helpful,

first, one of the things I've found is that when there is a disparity between partners sexual experiences, there tends to be a bit of intimidation that arises. I'm getting the impression that this could be true here. Maybe instead of overloading her with ideas and suggestions, start from the beginning as if both of you are learning about your sexuality as novices. Maybe, it might take a little of the intimidation factor away.

Secondly, another issue that seems to come into play is bc and it's effects on a women's sex drive no matter the age. It appears that certain bc drugs do have that effect so if there is that possibility, maybe switching could help.

Hope this works out for both of you.

[stressed]

I like pretzel's advice.

[pittsburgh44]

She sounds like a great freind, not a fiancee.

At your ages sex 2 to 3 times a month is pathetic and a bit weird. You've put up with this for three years? Are you sure your sex drive is where it should be?

It's your life, you chose. Understand that after 3 years, this is unlikely to change - not impossible but unlikely. We have some women here who were disinterested in sex for years and finally turned it around but they had to decide that was what they wanted to do.

BC can kill a woman's sex drive. A woman with little interest will likely be even less interested in pleasuring you. Does she orgasm? I mean really, can you feel the muscle contractions? Does she masterbate?

Doesn't masturbate (unless it's accompanied with sex) and yes, she has orgasms, i make sure that she always does, FIRST!

[pittsburgh44]

From another Pittsburgher,

Just a couple of thoughts that I haven't seen posted, but have been recurring themes during my stay here that have been extremely helpful,

first, one of the things I've found is that when there is a disparity between partners sexual experiences, there tends to be a bit of intimidation that arises. I'm getting the impression that this could be true here. Maybe instead of overloading her with ideas and suggestions, start from the beginning as if both of you are learning about your sexuality as novices. Maybe, it might take a little of the intimidation factor away.

Secondly, another issue that seems to come into play is bc and it's effects on a women's sex drive no matter the age. It appears that certain bc drugs do have that effect so if there is that possibility, maybe switching could help.

Hope this works out for both of you.

I appreciate it!

And she's changed her BC meds multiple times, nothing changed other that levels of "yness" lol.

I've tried everything from possible from a tantric approach of eliminating (so theres no pressure) and just being comfortable enough and she still avoids bascially any contact that isn't being done by me.

[pittsburgh44]

From another Pittsburgher

Know any good hookers in "da burgh"? lol

[pittsburgh44]

I don't think he should break up because of his sex life. Sex life has its ups and downs, he may find another girl, have it all sexually perfect for 2 years and then suddenly her sex drive disappears. Should he leave her then too?

Relationships require constant work. She has to be understanding and more concerned about his needs. If there's enough love she will understand that. If there is something that prevents her from giving as much as he needs then she has to work with it. No relationship is perfect and it's the person that matters more than anything else. It's just that sexual issues are so frustrating that one feels they will never improve. But they do, as long as there's equal work from both sides.

I agree and thanks for your input, my current situation sucks (pun intended) lol.

[pittsburgh44]

I've actually been considering and she said she'd "think about it" (i've never done it either) but have even been thinking about getting some E (exstasy) for both of us to try some night...........good idea, bad idea? (i know most will say bad, and i'm leaning that way but i have to try SOMETHING).