[pretzel]

Know any good hookers in "da burgh"? lol

Just head down to the Strip District. Used to be the hot spot long time ago. But it's been more than a few years.

To a post you made a little upthread.

WildChild makes a good point about at her age, this shouldn't be the problem it is, but it does happen. Personally, it's either physical or emotional. Before going into any emotional reasons, I'd suggest that she get a complete physical including hormonal levels to make sure something isn't out of whack. Even the slightest imbalance can wreak havoc with a women's sex drive. This is probably the easiest path. Trying to discern any emotional blocks is way beyond anyone's pay scale here. If not a psychologist, maybe a sex therapist to help her get started.

Another thing you may want to reconsider is relying on Tantric Practices. If she's not comfortable with "normal" sex, introducing her to Tantra when she may not have much of an idea as to what it is let alone practicing it may be a bit much for her to wrap her brain around.

Maybe easing off and letting her take the initiative?

[StillLearnin]

I've actually been considering and she said she'd "think about it" (i've never done it either) but have even been thinking about getting some E (exstasy) for both of us to try some night...........good idea, bad idea? (i know most will say bad, and i'm leaning that way but i have to try SOMETHING).

Bad idea. If you are having to resort to drugs to help now, what will you have to do later?

But, if it helps her drop her inhibitions and helps her have fun in the sack with you, it might be a good start. But don't make it a habit.

But don't get to where you depend on drugs to be sexually satisfied. That's the "bad idea" of doing this.

And, there's always truth behind a joke. If you are joking about hooking up with hookers now because you aren't satisfied, those thoughts will build over time and you'll feel justified and entitled to do that later in your marriage.

Like we are saying, work out these issues now before you get married, because it won't get any better. If you think it is bad now, just wait until you have kids.

[pittsburgh44]

Maybe easing off and letting her take the initiative?

You caught me in the back end of taking this approach, and now it's been about 4 weeks since anything...

[WildChild]

THINK about this, you say she is "perfect" and loving but you have actually looked up getting neutered and are considering taking illegal drugs to get her into sex??!!

People who are with the perfect, loving partner don't ever even fleetingly think of getting castrated! Or of drugging them to get sex. This relationship isn't all you think it is. Sounds like you have yourself hypnotised into thinking she is the only possible woman for you. Some of us such as myself and Pretzel are quite a bit older and we can tell you that years of sexually incompatable partners gets harder, not easier.

Is this really how you want to spend your life?
Really???

[pittsburgh44]

Not really but other than sex, trust me, she's amazing.....i've been with many girls (not to sound like a typical d-bag) but i have, and she's the one i want to be with, just the sex life is so bad!

The reason i mentioned trying "E" with her is that i was thinking if she has a mental hookup, that something like that might initially help open doors?

who knows.

[pittsburgh44]

thanks to everybody for their input!

[stressed]

About trying drugs, it's a bad idea because:

- If it goes well, then you will both want to use them every time you have sex and end up addicted to them.
- If it won't go well then your confidence will sink even more, and you will think that if drugs cannot help then nothing else can.

SL made a good point. You may be joking about hookers and castration, but this shows you have reached your limit. Maybe you find her perfect but she doesn't find you equally perfect. If she has mental hookups she could start counseling or realize she has to be open about this with you. There are many cases of sexually incompatible partners, but if you want to stay with her you both have to meet in the middle. You neither have to accept sex as a rare occasion, nor must she feel as if she has to have sex with you every day.

Before panicking into looking for another partner, try to figure out what is going on. Don't leave before you are certain about the reasons behind her behaviour, otherwise you might regret it in the future.

[pittsburgh44]

About trying drugs, it's a bad idea because:

- If it goes well, then you will both want to use them every time you have sex and end up addicted to them.
- If it won't go well then your confidence will sink even more, and you will think that if drugs cannot help then nothing else can.

SL made a good point. You may be joking about hookers and castration, but this shows you have reached your limit. Maybe you find her perfect but she doesn't find you equally perfect. If she has mental hookups she could start counseling or realize she has to be open about this with you. There are many cases of sexually incompatible partners, but if you want to stay with her you both have to meet in the middle. You neither have to accept sex as a rare occasion, nor must she feel as if she has to have sex with you every day.

Before panicking into looking for another partner, try to figure out what is going on. Don't leave before you are certain about the reasons behind her behaviour, otherwise you might regret it in the future.

Thanks again for your help......want to know something funny? I've never been that religous but in the past 2 years (after many frustrating nights/days) I researched various religons, took to Buddhism, read a few books about that and have since been trying to use that as a coping mechanism :-)

[Rediscovered]

There are so many sexually mismatched couples in the world and you are fortunate you are finding out about it before you are married and have children.

A man who practices tantric sex is a real catch (IMO) and you deserve to have a partner who shares your sexual energy.

Take it from someone who has been there and knows how empty it feels to be in a sexless marriage--it's not good for either person.

[Hopeless Dork]

I won't leave her, everything about her is perfect and she shows how much she truly cares for me on a daily basis, ALWAYS, just not sexually..... I tried many convo's about this, and she feels very bad but nothing comes of it... but thanks for your input.

You may have to prepare yourself for the fact that it may always be this way. Some people are just not sexual, and won't get sexual no matter how much you beg, cry, get mad, stomp your feet... you'll be banging your head against the same brick wall you've been banging your head against all this time.

Recently read a post on here from a woman that married a man that barely wanted sex and as time went on that barely there sex became even more and more infrequent down to nothing.

I'll try to find the link for you to read her words. The DECADES, in which speaks of frustration , DECADES of hoping he'd change... 35 years of a sexless marriage.

If you love this woman for everything but are unsatisfied sexually, you have to come to realization that you may always be sexually unsatisfied. 3 years in you are dealing with it well... will you wake up at 50 and say... you know I'd really like to have sex before I need blue pills to facilitate it?!!

Many men here on these forums can describe for you their marriages to women they love that aren't sexual and how they've loved them for so long... they'll never leave but how fully unsatisfied they are.

I'm not saying there is no hope for things to change. But it is something that you should really work out prior to marriage as your sex life will likely get even less than it is now with time.

You might need to find out why she has such an aversion to sex, maybe get some couples counseling or attend some sort of retreat together, but it would be good for you to try to see if you guys can become a healthy sexual couple before you marry and lock in to the sexless exsistence you may well be headed for.