[Fae30]

Well, I totally understand, Hopeless Dork! :-)
You're right, I haven't had that experience of being replaced for porn, and I hope that I never do! But I understand why you would be against porn or anxious about it, because of your past experience with your SO. I would be too, if it were me in the same situation. :-(
I do understand that porn can be a problem for some, I'm not excluding that by any means. Like I've said before, I once knew a married couple where the wife rarely had sex with her husband (maybe once a month, if he was lucky), but she enjoyed her porn daily! Meanwhile the husband was suffering and trying to cheat outside of the marriage, hitting on every female that moved, including myself... this is why I opted out of the "friendship" with them both, as he couldn't seem to control himself and that left me VERY uncomfortable! But it was also so very sad, horrible, and SELFISH... It's not right for a partner to enjoy their time with porn alone, leaving their SO wanting and unfulfilled all the time or MOST of the time... AND expect him or her to stay in the relationship or to stay monogamous. I'm a highly monogamous person, but even I can see that as a trap and not a real relationship for a person! :-(

But, like I said before... Porn is NOT for everyone! I really do believe that. :-)
With all things enjoyable in life, porn has that same rule... all good things in moderation! Some people can use porn responsibly, some can't. The ones who can't, should stay clear of it, imho. And the ones who can enjoy it, from time to time, should enjoy it. It is normal when it's not treated as an permanent substitute for a real and living breathing person! It is a VERY bad problem if a person chooses porn over a real partner, one that they can see, touch, smell, and taste. I don't disagree with that! :-o

But, in the OP question... it doesn't seem like her boyfriend doesn't have that issue. From what she described, he sounds like a very typical guy to me. :-)

[emptypea2001]

He lies to avoid a fight and she brings it on because of an accusatory (parental?) tone. I found out that my wife was masturbating several times a week and was hurt that she preferred that to being with me, but after a while it began to arouse me that she had this secret so I made a game out of discovering evidence. I kept track of all the times I found out and realized that her frequency was about the same as mine. I kept this to myself for a long time until one time she walked in on me and saw the whole act. She got very upset and 'hurt', but over time a good dialog developed. I told her that virtually everyone masturbates and that I knew she did too; it was just a normal part of human physiology. I told her I had been using porn since I found my dad's T&A magazines when I was 10 and that I knew about her "Romance" (i.e., sex) novels that she kept in her nightstand. Both men and women seek something for arousal, the methods are just different.
If he is avoiding sex, I doubt it is because of porn unless you surprise him immediately after. Even at well over 40, I can easily masturbate and have great sex in the same day.

[WildChild]

Empty peas it's great that you can do that but not all men can or do. What I've dealt with personally is masterbation (and porn) to avoid intimacy and he's defensive but honest about it. I get very little physically or emotionally and we've had a great many women here who report the same thing.
The problem is what, whether porn, games, TV,or work, being used to avoid connection, avoid really being "in" the relationship, this may be often or constant.

WHen you are in a relationship, right/wrong/normal/not normal, have to be established by the couple and there has to be some agreement. If one is doing something that is voluntary (not just the fact that they are breathing) and causes the other concern or anguish, it needs to be responded to and dealt with. It doesn't matter how many other people do or don't do it.There are people, as we've learned here women and men, who have little intererst in sex and simple won't make any effort to satisfy their partner. If theyare partnered with someone who has a high drive, it can create a painful situation. If they have the interest but are expending their energy without their partner, that's entirely different than having a low sex drive.

Basically if it makes your SO unhappy, it needs to be looked at and dealt with.

[emptypea2001]

Wildchild, you are right on. Probably my drive is high, always has been. The underlying issue is avoiding intimacy with the other. Sometimes I think this develops after being rejected. I know once for sure that that I was working on a project that I had to get in the mail and my wife approached me for sex and I put her off because I was on deadline. As soon as I finished, I rushed to the post office and back, but she had masturbated while I was gone and totally had no interest in me when I returned. Another time, I approached her after working in my office for several hours and she put me off by complaining of an ingrown hair in her groin bothering her. When I asked to see it, she reluctantly pulled her panties down and they were drenched and slimy, her genitals virtually swollen and purple. Although a part of me was extremely aroused at this sight, another part of me felt rejected because she could have had me or waited instead of masturbating while I was only several feet away.

[shane]

I am a guy and I also watch porn. I do not think it is a matter of a great concern if he watches porn but you have every right to object, if he is not fulfilling your sexual desires. Masturbation and porn is most common among men but it is objectionable if it is hampering sexual life with your partner.