[Waxwing]

I felt alone.

I'm so glad I stumbled across this site.
Only 5 minutes ago I looked up the history on the computer to find a link of an art site I had found earlier only to find links to Pornography sites. It wasn't just ordinary porn either, it was rather disgusting and degrading. I feel slightly repulsed by it but ever more so I feel betrayed.
This isn't the first time I have found it....and links to the same acts. I explained under a blanket of tears how I felt hurt, betrayed and lost all confidence I had. He promised to never look at it again....which was obviously a lie.
After this time I talked to a few Friends of mine who laughed it off, making me feel a little naive and insecure. However, after reading the posts here I feel confident to approach this subject with my partner.
I feel so angry inside, a deep rage and I hurt alot. I wish he would understand yet all I get is how he doesn't do it to look at other women but to 'get off'.

Well if he doesn't stop...he can 'get lost'.

[James_Dean]

OK, I'll bite.

I've perused thorugh this forum a little for information on how often women actually want sex, there has been dozens of different answers, none of them more correct than the next.

I've read through 2 different topics in regard to porn and perhaps can give a males perspective. We have been married 6 years, no kids, both work etc etc. We are a normal young couple with no day to day issues beyond the normal toilet seats, dishes, crap like that.

For the last 3 or 4 (maybe more) years my wife wants basically zero sex. Once a month, maybe quite often less, but then she will want it 3 times in 2 days. Its been discussed and I always come out smelling of #### when the discussion is had.

If I did not have porn, this relationship would've died 3 years ago. No amount of discussion, ideas anything will make my wife want sex more. I'll see porn in one form or another a couple of times a week and then not for a month. Sex is not the be all and end all of any relationship, but it is an important part and if a man is having sex a couple of times a week, then porn can be seen as a problem, if he's not having sex, what else is he to do.

Sometimes the easiest way to get out of a hole is to stop digging.

[PixieDuzt]

Would you women rather he degrade you in the way you say the women he is watching in the movies are being degraded? This is why men watch porn, they watch it because the women they are with are too vanilla to do any of the things they enjoy, therefore they watch the actions they enjoy in porn to alleviate the craving. Living vicariously through the TV screen. Why don't you try watching the stuff they are in to. It prolly isn't as bad as you say. I've seen some crazy porn and none of it offends me because i have an open mind and because I know the women are always in control in porn situations. Watch his porn, see what he likes, try it with your man. Sometimes it is as easy as giving more blowjobs. Sometimes it is simply getting on top, or letting him hit it from behind, maybe some anal play. It isn't all that crazy for normal men to want such things. Open up girls. Have some fun and stop thinking about what others will think, others are not in your bedroom and they are not going to find out unless you tell them. Be proud of sex. It is liberating.

[Naima]

This is a delicate issue.

It's hard to broach the topic, and not immediately have your boyfriend/husband go directly to the defensive.

While porn has it's awesome place, there is a huge difference between "occasional", and "detrimental to the relationship" alone-porn-viewing.

The point I'm not so gracefully trying to make is, is if he is watching it and jerking off more time than you are having intimate encounters,... there might be some other underlying issues there, no? If he isn't sexually satisfied, I regard that as a huge problem. No one should go un-satisfied if it can be helped.
Also, if he really wants to get off that much, tell him to come to you when he wants it. Ask him to share his porn with you. Then it becomes an intimate, shared experience. Granted, I'm not saying he needs to give it up completely, rather, he needs to balance out the lack of sexual intimacy with you.

He has to realize that his actions will affect you, because it sounds like the line, your line, has been walked over-If he doesn't realize that, then I'm guessing he's in denial, because it sounds like this is a more than common occurrence, for you to be feeling so badly about it.

Yes, I've had this issue come up with 2 boyfriends, and the last time it did was very recently.
I know where you are coming from, but on the same token, I love watching porn by myself, too.
However, I will never put it ahead of my lover's feelings.
If he ever felt like I was watching too much porn, and not participating with him in the bedroom enough, I wouldn't think twice about stopping; his feelings surrounding that would totally supercede my porn watching. In a heartbeat. My intimacy with him is too important to me to gamble with.

[angelkisses]

my hubby looks at porn every day
i dont see a major problem he has a higher sex drive then me no big deal

if i wanted him to give up id have to live in the bedroom as a sex slave

lest hes not out there with real woman having sex or frustrated and bad tempered
iv been with my hubby 16 year hes allways liked porn so what

people need to face facts every one has a diffrent sex drive

its no big deal men furfull there needs with porn
you would have a bigger problem with out porn , hed be looking for extra sex other places , moody , frustrated ,

happymen with higher sex drives then there partners need porn
woman need there men not to watch porn , do you wear the sexy gear there searching?
give sex everyday?
try the fantasys there craving?
lest these blokes arnt bugging you 24/7 for sex

[Naima]

That's a good point, but I don't think she's having that as an issue.

From what she posted, it sounds like he is literally choosing alone time over time with her, leaving her with little to no intimate time together whatsoever.

Which could mean any number of things, but to really know, they would have to discuss it together. It's a very intimate conversation to have with someone else; and I do correlate the lack of sexual intimacy as a sort of barometer for the intimacy of the relationship as a whole.

I may be wrong, but I feel like if you take time to adjust your intimate moments together, that aren't sexual, it will positively affect your sexy fun time together.
Being in-tune with someone you are in a relationship with requires a lot more than simply making love.
The term relationship itself - The act of relating, to another.
If we can't relate with/to each other, how can we hump happily?

So, yes, I think it's more than him having a higher sex drive than she does. She's upset by his lack of interest in her.

Porn itself is not the problem here!

[Beiam]

I absoulutely agree with you. I feel the same way b/c it has happened to me. I told him I feel ugly in his eyes and yes I also feel as though he has cheated on me. Just recently I told him I was going to start looking at men and he didn't like that very well.

I absolutely agree.

[amamaus]

my guess is that what your boyfriend found "hard to explain" is that he was turned on by the fact that you put the porn on yourself. if he's a regular viewer, then it's unlikely that he gets an erection immediately when he's by himself. so it's very likely that you inspired it just by turning on the porn, which was very out of the ordinary and could have been very sexy to him. when you talk about it, try to be open with each other about what turns you on and things you would both enjoy doing together without porn.

[creativename]

Sigh. Boys watch porn. It's what they do. Unlike women, boys just need to rub one out sometimes. It has nothing to do with how much they love you, or them lusting after other women. They just need to get off. Women need the emotion, they need the experience, and commonly they don't need it as often as men. I suggest you talk to your man and let him know it bothers you. But I believe you should also look into your own self esteem and ask why it really bothers you. Are you so insecure that a women whom he will never meet or ever be with is viewed as a threat?

[shauna]

don't worry.

Don't feel like he is cheating on you because he isn't. Some men just enjoy because their are senarios that he knows will never happen but turn him on. It is just a healthy fantisy. Try to be understanding and it may help your relationship. Have you ever tried watching them alone by yourself to put yourself in his shoes?