[BigDaddy]

BigDaddy, you were not interested, you initiated a lot less or you were turned down a lot? Did you want to have sex with your wife while she was pregnant? I wonder if you created a precedent or alternate relationship.

Absolutely yes, I wanted her just as much pregnant as I did before. I suppose I was turned down for a while and then just accepted her lack of interest.

Since the baby, we did have a good period, but now although were still close, she just has zero interest in anything sexual. Externally any changes in that period seem for the better too.

[LanaBear]

Not to make excuses for her, but I think some men underestimate the whole being tired and caring for a baby thing, even if you are helping out... The whole thing pregnancy, birth through the toddler years is exhausting, physically, emotionally, mentally. When my boys were 7 months, after taking care of them, my first and only concern what how soon I could get to bed because I was exhausted. I'd fall asleep on the couch if I sat there more than 5 minutes. Sex was the furthest thing from my mind, when the oldest was about 3-4 or so, when they become a little bit more independent, I think something started coming back, then BAM, I got pregnant again. So the whole cycle repeated itself.

For a guy, 7 months may seem like a long time, but to a new mom, it is a huge huge blur, the biggest thing on the mind is this baby that you love more than life itself and making sure that all your time is devoted to him/her, then sleep. Not saying it is right, but all too common.

Like Lilah said, the whole mommy mentality vs the sexual being mentality is tough to overcome for some too. You mean, I'm supposed to put the same lips I kiss my little one with on my hubby's penis? That kind of thing. Mental roadblock, big time...

[rcoreyus]

You might need to wait a long time. I've tried the never pressuring my wife for sex, or even asking for it, but continuing to be affectionate and helpful in other ways. Last time I tried, she was interested in having sex once after 3 months, its been another 3 now.

Just thinking out loud here bored at work but say I do allow her to "come to me" in her own time.

Do I need to wait until Thanksgiving before I am entitled to question the matter further, whats a reasonable time frame to be patient?

[BigDaddy]

Not to make excuses for her, but I think some men underestimate the whole being tired and caring for a baby thing, even if you are helping out... The whole thing pregnancy, birth through the toddler years is exhausting, physically, emotionally, mentally. When my boys were 7 months, after taking care of them, my first and only concern what how soon I could get to bed because I was exhausted. I'd fall asleep on the couch if I sat there more than 5 minutes. Sex was the furthest thing from my mind, when the oldest was about 3-4 or so, when they become a little bit more independent, I think something started coming back, then BAM, I got pregnant again. So the whole cycle repeated itself.

For a guy, 7 months may seem like a long time, but to a new mom, it is a huge huge blur, the biggest thing on the mind is this baby that you love more than life itself and making sure that all your time is devoted to him/her, then sleep. Not saying it is right, but all too common.

Like Lilah said, the whole mommy mentality vs the sexual being mentality is tough to overcome for some too. You mean, I'm supposed to put the same lips I kiss my little one with on my hubby's penis? That kind of thing. Mental roadblock, big time...

I completely understand the reference to sleep and the whole emotionally draining experience. But, there's a but.......

She's not working, our baby goes to child care 2 or 3 days a week and the days he's home their time is filled with friends popping in, or they're out.

At night she routinely sleeps from 9 or 9.30 until around 7.30 with minimal interruption since I take care of things over night and I'm still doing the majority of household jobs and working full time.

Maybe I just need to make some time for myself and hope she realizes how good she actually has it and hope I get a break at the same time.

[LanaBear]

Is she showing any signs of postpartum depression? I mean, if what you state above is correct, then something else has got to be going on... She's getting nearly 10 hours of sleep (I wish) a night, is not working, baby in day care part time, I don't know... Hate to ask the question, but have you changed at all in the last few months?

[BigDaddy]

Only changes for the better. We moved house but were closer to the city and I changed jobs as a result but were actually both far less stressed than a few months ago.

Unfortunately, its just not on her radar and she insists I allow her to come to me. She then insists this will result in much much more sex..........she is yet to come knocking.


I think I have to work out a plan to amuse myself and allow her as much time as she needs. I don't think there is another viable option, but the problem with that is the amount of work I do to maintain our lifestyle will also be significantly reduced. Seems a bit of lose lose for me.

[nostromo]

There's a fine line between asking for what you want and nagging.
I just ask my wife and if she isn't interested I don't pressure her subsequently - which is what I used to do. I used to get quite desperate for sex and really be at her for it. I think thats a real turn off.

[WildChild]

Something I've been considering lately, it's just a slightly different angle on things said many times before, one thing I think ca ncontribute to a lessening of sexual interest is the feeling that we aren't loved or valued for who we are. So many people do not feel really free to express themselves and really be themselves in a relationship. For example; how many of you would be comfortable with your SO reading all that you have written here?

[WildChild]

I'll take a guess that the vast majority wouldn't be very comfortable with it. Why? We can come to feel that we know people fairly well on here but for the most part we are strangers in that we have not been in the same space, haven't broken bread together and yet we may pour out feelings, concerns and emotions that we are unable, unwilling and feel very unsafe expressing to someone we claim to love and to want to live our lives with. What kind of relationships are those, really, if we cannot honestly express ourselves? How can we truly communicate our sexual and emotional desires within these relationships or expect to have them met? How much trust is really there?

[WildChild]

Having some posting challenges. It keep telling me I've used too many images when I haven't used any. SO I'm breaking this up.