[mexilinda]

So what do you do when he won't see a Dr? My husband of 20 years isn't interested in sex and won't see a dr. I'm lucky if we have sex more than a couple times a year. We have retired, he's not depressed nor having an affair, he says he's just not interested. I'm not interested in a divorce at this stage in my life and an affair is not an attractive option to me either. I'm with Jamie, what do you do when everything except the sex is working?

[jns]

It could be physical, such as the testosterone level, or it could be psychological. Maybe the husband feels he is not good enough for the wife and doesn't want to sully her. If he doesn't feel there is a problem, he won't get as many medical tests as it might take to find a physical problem or go to a psychiatrist for a psychological problem. It is the same as usual, the person in a relationship who wants sex the least controls that part of the relationship. The other partner is many times forced into celibacy or near celibacy.

I wonder if asked directly the husband would say that celibacy is he wants for his spouse. I wonder what he would say about the benefits of celibacy for his spouse. I wonder what he would say about the past relationship that had a lot of sex and how that was wrong.

[Texasred]

if I try to intiate it by trying to put my hand near his thing, he normally smacks it away. LITERALLY! ... I feel like if I would try to intiate sex by going down on him, he would throw me off him.

OK, now THAT is just plain rude, and generally pretty inexcusable behavior: there's no reason at all to put up with that!
You can be uninterested in sex without being a jerk!
But his lack of interest is clearly not normal; he needs to see a doctor of one sort or another,

[LICarpenter4]

Do you masturbate? This is a slightly risky approach but could work if all else fails. Stop attempting to initiate sex. Get some toys. Enjoy yourself, don't be too obvious about it at first, but let him start to realize that you don't need him to get off. He is set at his once a week, once every two week schedule. So you need to push that. Don't give him that release, make him pursue you for it. Maybe next time he's ready for sex, don't let him until he goes down on you first.

Sometimes we take it for granted, and it's so easy for him he doesn't need to work for it.

[Dutchess]

Same problem

I have had the same problem with my boyfriend (of 3 years) for about 2 1/2 years now. It's very hard mentally to be turned down so often. We try to have "scheduled" sex once a week but this only makes me feel like he has to make himself do it. I have never felt - not even on our first time - that he really wants me sexually.

I our case, one reason for all this are his erection problems. They bring him down which I comletely get. I try to be as supportive as I can be. Lately this all has come to a point that when we do have sex, I can't get excited though I was the one who wanted it in the first place.

As of now, I'm trying a new approach. I think we should give up sex for a few weeks and more importantly, I will let HIM come to me. Maybe you could try this as well? Our biggest advantage is that we can talk about everything and anything. I hope you can too. Hang in there!