[tesoro]

I recently received an interesting offer from a male friend that I have. He knows I've been feeling a little lonely and would like to be my fwb. I do find him attractive and I am thinking about his idea but the catch is - he's married. He confided in me a couple of years ago that he caught his wife having an affair with a man in their neighbourhood. The have two young children. He was very distraught and angry at the time but eventually, he got over it. I don't think he's ever forgiven her but he doesn't want to break up his young family.

Part of me thinks that I should stay far away from having any sexual relationship with him but the other part of me feels like the problem he has with his wife is their issue. I don't want to get in the middle of a married couple but it is tempting to have a fwb when you are feeling desirous without a SO.

I'd really appreciate your input on my friend's offer.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well my love, morally it's not right... If he's un-happy, then he should leave the family and work towards harmony as far as shared custody of the children go. It's not fair for him to decide in his mind, justify, oh well she did it, so can I . What can she say if she ever found out.. Or, well, because of that, we don't have sex, I need it so I'll as Tesoro to give it to me,she's lonley..

And, take out that he's married... FWB's always turns into "but I fell in love with him" and justification comes into it, as well as time, next thing you know your 45 and saying, sugar, I just wasted 5 years I didn't have to waste....

Stay far away mam...

It's his problem, don't allow your lonliness to cloud your judgement on this, or dis your morals... Temptation is what leads to all sorts of wicked things that are great at the start, but ultimately are doomed and end up in alot of pain.

[rcoreyus]

Often people think they can get into a FWB relationship without wanting it to turn into something more, and then discover the are wrong. One partner starts wanting love while the other just wants sex. Unhappiness.

Affairs with a married man are a great source of trouble. I'm not making a moral judgement - I can understand what sort of situation he might be in, just commenting that it often ends badly.

[tesoro]

Thank you for your honest advice CW and rcoreyus.... I realize that my judgement IS clouded lately. I don't know what is wrong with me sometimes...I almost feel like I don't know myself anymore. Maybe I have become so disenchanted with "love" that I'm wondering if it really exists anymore...or do people just do what is convenient for themselves and call it love. I hope I'm not insulting any lovebirds out there but I've had such an awful experience with my ex that I wonder if he ever really loved me at all. I used to be a morally righteous person but lately I find myself questioning the meaning of many things.

Perhaps I need to find something to believe in again...notice I didn't say someone. I really don't know if I can trust again and it seems that I am being tempted to do something that I will regret....better lonely than screwed up which is probably how I'd end up feeling if I got involved with this "friend". Thanks again guys.

[Texasred]

And, take out that he's married... FWB's always turns into "but I fell in love with him" and justification comes into it, as well as time, next thing you know your 45 and saying, sugar, I just wasted 5 years I didn't have to waste....

Or, like a friend of mine did, 10 years wasted, and then she was "too old to have kids," and I always thought she'd have made the best of mothers.
But that's another story.

Just don't make it yours, Treasure!
(and my next post will be 500!)

[WildChild]

Congrats Texasred!

I wouldn't touch this situation with a 10' pole. There are times when there may be exceptional circumstances but getting involved with someone who is married and is not in an open relationship, is a really bad plan.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

tesoro,

When you have a dream and it's broken, you search for ways in order to re-gain that dream.

Your dream was before your ex, he broke it and now your searching again.

There is nothing wrong with wild, passionate, crazy, sexy, love making and feeling like a woman, feeling, sexy.. That's a different thing.

But to do that, find someone whom there can be no strings attached, detach yourself and go for it.

As for love? Off course, it exsists ,just because someone before, had no passions in life, no emotions, felt that a partner was just there, for them, etc, what ever, doesn't mean real men don't exsist because they do...

Deal with your emotions of what you want "THIS TIME" and what you won't accept.

Enjoy yourself, (morals) I mean't giving in to someone whom is married, as they aren't getting enough Not, being you, who ever that person is, as she finds herself...

When you work out who you are and what you want, you will find it, because you'll put that out into the universe.

CW

[Trying Hard]

This lady friend of mine almost engaged in a FWB with a married guy from work. She said it was really hard to resist, but as a rule/ principle, she doesn’t date married guys. Sorry folks :- )
(I really admired her strength) She’s now happily married.

[sungem77]

someones going to get hurt. that's a given, and probably more than one person. his wife could find out and come after you. you dont know. people do crazy things where love is invovled. he could quickly relaize he made a big mistake and leave you stranded and heartbroken. i promiss you there is no happy ending to this.

[Hopeless Dork]

The problem with friends with benefits is that the relationship is expected to be treated like a no-strings one night stand, but on an on-going basis. But guess what? Having no strings attached sex over and over again with the same person creates strings. One person is almost always secretly hoping it turns into more while the other person is just enjoying the sex without any emotinal investment, without time investment (no need for dates or "woo-ing") and does not want and wouldn't even consider having a real relationship with their fwb partner.

Eventually either one makes it clear they are becoming attached making the unnattached person decide its time to find a new fwb, or sometimes the emotionally unnattached persn meets someone they want a relationship with ... start dating and "woo-ing" someone else while the other is feeling crushed.

Old fashion saying about why would a man buy the cow if he gets the milk for free comes to mind. That saying is usually meant to imply why would a man marry a woman if he can have sex with her without doing so. Well this is one step below that... why would a man build a relationship, care about someone, respect them... when they will have sex with them without requesting any of that.

I know a lot of women like no-strings sex as much as men do... but lets get real here... women are not as easy at detaching their emotions from sex, most need to feel an emotional connection in order to even enjoy the sex.

I just think fwb is a dead end, loaded with booty call 3 am sex. Its empty, like eating a bag a stale bag of potato chips when you are on a diet... they dont even that good, and you know you're going to regret it.