[effy2014]

When a woman, or a man for that matter, cheats, why is the first assumption that sex is the issue.

Since this thread is universal in its application, I don't have an issue responding to a revived 4 year old thread.

Even though Claret's question was rhetorical, I will answer attempt to answer it. The lack of intimacy in a marriage is usually a symptom of a deeper issue in the relationship. However, it is vastly less work for the cheating spouse to fulfill his or her immediate sexual needs than to sincerely work on the relationship. There are also situations where the non-cheating spouse has no interest in dealing with marital issues, leaving cheating the only option to divorce. In either case, the "cause" is usually a relationship problem.

So, my answer would be, it's easier to blame the sex instead of blaming the failure of the relationship. You can scapegoat one or the partner instead of assigning equal blame.

Ms. James is not cheating in her scenario. Rather, the couple has bargained for a lover to satisfy her.

[TJPatriot]

You could also blame society for shoehorning us into monogamy while actively teasing us with having multiple sex partners. And I don't believe biologically we were meant to be monogamous, that just ended up happening because of, hmm, political purposes?

I think the greatest issue with cheating in a marriage is that one person is too afraid to talk to their spouse about wanting to have sex with someone else. I think there's a lot of sexual repression and lack of faith in the other person to make that happen. You can read it in many places that sex doesn't define a marriage, and you can have a great marriage with lousy sex, so why does sex also get tied into "within marriage only" status?

[effy2014]

You could also blame society for shoehorning us into monogamy while actively teasing us with having multiple sex partners. And I don't believe biologically we were meant to be monogamous, that just ended up happening because of, hmm, political purposes?

I think the greatest issue with cheating in a marriage is that one person is too afraid to talk to their spouse about wanting to have sex with someone else. I think there's a lot of sexual repression and lack of faith in the other person to make that happen. You can read it in many places that sex doesn't define a marriage, and you can have a great marriage with lousy sex, so why does sex also get tied into "within marriage only" status?

What a horrible view of marriage. A good marriage is defined by love, a deep emotional bond and commitment and, dare I say, respect and honor for each other. I do not believe that you can have a good marriage with lousy sex or multiple sex partners. In a good marriage, monogamy is not forced, it is celebrated.

If you feel that a marriage shoehorns you into monogamy or sexually represses you there is an easy answer . . . don't get married. Be a player. If you want to enter a marriage with the need for multiple sexual partner, then agree up front. But don't blame some biologic need to justify a breach of trust and lack of respect.

[MrB]

People cheat because there is something they want that they aren't getting from their SO.

Agreed. We read a great book early in out marriage (17 yrs ago)
His needs, Her needs.
Great book. The basic premise is that both men and women have needs that their SO should fulfill. If those needs are being fulfilled by someone else,it leads to a " relationship" that can be dangerous.